What's a Nice Way to Put This?

[ratspike]

Anybody see an elephant in this room?

Yup. Agreed 100%.

[Nathan]

According to my parents, "A kilt is part of a costume you wear whenever you are asked to pipe somewhere, or for Estes Park, or for your Scottish meetings." Brutal, right? Now, before you jump to any conclusions, their stance is based almost entirely off of their lack of knowledge regarding kilt wearing.

I'd like to add a different perspective to the conversation. There are many here who may not agree with me on this, but here's how I see things.

I don't take issue with anything your parents said except the word costume. Wearing the kilt daily is an eccentric choice. I say more power to anyone who feels like making eccentric choices for the sake of self expression, but that doesn't make such decisions "normal". Choosing to go against the established clothing conventions will have positive and negative repercussions.

Positive:

1) You'll get attention. If you like attention, this is a positive thing. It's the rock star effect. People admire confidence too, so if you can back it up by being likable and charming, you'll be able to break the ice, meet new people and make new friends.

2) Females will especially admire your confidence and generally find kilts sexy. If you like females, this too is a positive thing.

3) As a piper, you'll be wearing a visual billboard so that when people ask you about the kilt, and they will, you can tell them you're a piper. This could lead to gigs.

Negative:

1) You'll get attention. Pan-Anglophone culture looks upon men who care too much about their clothes and grooming with suspicion. Two words for men who enjoy standing out with their clothing are "fop" and "dandy". There is an underlying connotation of foolishness, vanity and insecurity that go along with these words. More recent terms like "fashionista" "metrosexual" and even "hipster" have an equally derisive undertone. The stigma is real. In fact, I know many men who wouldn't dare wear a pocket square let alone a kilt. So you should know that some people may perceive you as foolish. You may or not care about this point but some people will think of you as an attention seeker or a wannabe poseur. You may need these people to hire you or write you a letter of reference some day.

2) Females will admire your confidence. Young men will pick up on this and attempt to make you the object of ridicule and scorn to balance the tables back in their favour. "Who does this guy think he is getting all the attention? What a show off!" This could lead to bullying of various varieties.

3) As alluded to by MacLowlife and as a twofold result of a) the ignorance of people who associate the kilt with similar female clothing and b) The interest paid to the kilt by some parts of the gay community - people may question your sexual orientation. While I think such reasoning makes no sense and I see the kilt is a symbol of Scottish rather than gay culture, if you are uncomfortable with being perceived as homosexual this could be negative and lead to more bullying.

Perspective

Your parents aren't wrong. Generally, both within Scotland and throughout the diaspora, the kilt is reserved for Scottish themed cultural events, weddings etc... It's a safe place to wear the kilt because the garb has some kind of context. If I am at a pow wow and there is a native man in full cultural garb and headdress, it's not at all shocking. If I'm in line at the 7-11 and a native guy in line ahead of me is dressed like that, it would be a first for me.

If you're piping - there is instant context. If you're at a Highland games - context. For the overwhelming majority of people with whom you will interact, wearing the kilt out of context just because you can will single you out as an oddball who likes attention.

I'm not saying that's a reason not to do it. Heck, if enough people wear the kilt for no particular reason, people will get used to seeing it. I don't think we're anywhere close to that tipping point and don't know that we'll get there.

You may wish to be a maverick, a trailblazer, a defiant Celt or just march to the beat of your own drum. That's fine and good, but if you choose to go against the grain, there will be repercussions. That leads me to believe that your parents love you and are likely just trying to protect you from what they see as an immature choice in order to keep all of your future doors open.

By wearing what the majority deems appropriate, you're signaling to future employers and captains of industry that you understand the rules and how to play the game. The psychological message is that you're like them and can be trusted to think like them too. By not doing so, you are signalling to all and sundry that you make your own rules and play your own game. This is either good or bad depending on the business you're in.

Only you can decide if the juice is worth the squeeze and only when you're old enough to think long-term. For now, your parents have a point worth much consideration and as many have said, you live in their home and ought to abide by their rules.

One solution might be to organize more "Scottish meetings" or opportunities where a kilt is in context. I don't wear my kilt daily but I wear it frequently because I choose to help organize and attend kilted events and I join organizations where the kilt makes sense. I also wear it on stage when performing Celtic music sometimes.

I know this has been a long-winded post, but I hope it helps you and others when weighing what is right for them.

[OldManKennedy]

a nice, respectable, polite way to explain to them that casual kilting isn't a felony?

That right there is your best thing you have going for you. You came here looking for a way to respectfully find a solution. Already you are showing that you respect them. Only you know your parents & their unspoken leanings, so obey first & foremost, discuss in a respectful manner, trying to educate, and again obey until you are an adult.

After showing them threads like the "Kilted Friday Adventures": http://www.xmarksthescot.com/forum/f...entures-72206/
Then maybe show them your thread, where you are looking for a respectful solution. I know if one of my children were to come to me with a thread like this, showing their honest efforts to work with me on an issue, I would certainly take a step back from my position and give it more thought.


OMK

[MacLowlife]

I agree with Nathan, especially about the "wearing what the majority deems appropriate" part. Back in the 60's ( actually sometime around 1972 in SC) a lot of people talked a lot about conformity. The favored joke among those accused of conforming was how similar all of the nonconformists were in their noncomformity. Few if any of the nonconformists found this funny. Most of what they wore in those days has become very mainstream, though some of it has reached a kind of costume status- think of headbands and fringed vests. I used to have shouting matches with my parents over the idea of wearing blue jeans to school. It is hard to imagine that now, but I read a famous writer's account of his own teen years and the compromise he reached- he was allowed to wear Levi's corduroys. That's how things were for many of us. It seems pretty silly on both sides from the perspective of age.

Two things have changed for me. One, my waist size, and two, my eagerness to take some things ( such as sartorial tyranny) quite so seriously. I mention my waist so that you will understand why it may be useful to go slowly with your kilting. And I mention my ability to let some things slide because the day will come when you have much more important things to worry about.

Nathan's idea is a good one- find a few more events where the kilt makes sense- take along a family member.

[MacGumerait]

I beg to differ, Good Sir; in the UK, where English originates, "Wangle" is exactly the correct word in the context Father Bill uses it as in "to arrange for". "Wrangle" is more associated with some kind of (usually minor) dispute, as in this case, it might be applied to the OP's original question.

But then the USA and the UK are two nations separated by a common language!

Good point . Maybe we shouldn't " Wrangle " about " Wangle " .

[Deirachel]

I have to take a different, albeit unpopular, stance. Your parents are not wrong.

The kilt is part of a costume. Specifically, the Scottish National Dress, but it is a costume.

We, in general, take the term costume to refer to a disguise or the clothing an actor wears. But, the word actually means "A set of clothes in a style typical of a particular country or historical period" (from the Oxford Dictionaries). Of course, jeans and a t-shirt are a costume, as well.

The problem they have is not what it is or isn't. Your post states they believe it's to be worn for specific purpose. Taking them to a Highland Games/Clan Gathering/etc will NOT help your cause, as they have relegated the kilt to "Scottish Event Wear" (for course, this doesn't mean you shouldn't go!). Seeing other men in kilts at the Games just re-enforces their view.

What you need to find out is why they don't want you to wear it, behind the idea "it's a costume". You have to change the connotation of "costume" and "kilt" for them. You can't do that until you understand the connotation correctly. Is it because it's not "normal"? In this case, they may find the pictures and views of this forum helpful (at the same time, it may hurt... we are a rather eclectic bunch!). Is it the cost of the kilt? Some folks don't like the idea of wearing an article of clothing which cost a hundred dollars or more as "casual" wear. Is it a concern about bullying? (Being home-schooled, you are already "different" than most... they may just be a bit overprotective on this issue.)

Education should help them; but. unless you understand what you are dealing with, you're stuck.

[ratspike]

The problem they have is not what it is or isn't. Your post states they believe it's to be worn for specific purpose. Taking them to a Highland Games/Clan Gathering/etc will NOT help your cause, as they have relegated the kilt to "Scottish Event Wear" (for course, this doesn't mean you shouldn't go!). Seeing other men in kilts at the Games just re-enforces their view.

This is complete win. As I've been bouncing this around in my head, asking myself what I'd do if it was me, I keep coming back to this. It's pretty hard to imagine even a casual version of traditional kilt wearing would do much to dispell the 'rents notion of kilts being a costume. Again, if it were me, I'd start looking in a completely different direction. Guys wear kilts hiking and backpacking, shooting, and doing crossfit or running marathons. They're artists, or they build stuff, repair roofs, run pizzarias and coffee shops, or do blacksmithing. Regular guys doing regular stuff, but wearing both tartan and not-tartan kilts.

This will be an unpopular statement with many, but Utilikilts has it right when it comes to this. If you just brush away the outer layer of attitude, they've absolutely nailed it. I wouldn't send the parentals to the Utilikilts site, but IMO that's a good direction to go to start gathering examples of "regular dude, but he's wearing a kilt".

[Duke of Delrio]

It could be that you are stuck, but from where I am sitting, where you may be stuck is not such a bad place. Your parents are already in obvious support of your piping. That is far from being in a bad place. I once had a father ask me if I thought his son's request for a set of bagpipes was wrong-headed and just downright strange. Bagpipes around here are only a little less rare than moon rocks. That young man is now a really superb piper who not only plays well, but is always well turned out when he plays them. His father is now his biggest fan. While his dad may not have been overly enthusiastic about the pipes, to begin with, there was never a time when he was not in his son's corner.

I doubt there is anything on earth that looks so much like God as two parents when they are in agreement. Yet, parents share a common trait with their children. You cannot tell them much . . . they must be shown. I don't mean a bunch of pictures of a bunch of guys doing a bunch of things while wearing a kilt. Let them see you and be with you in those circumstances so wisely suggested by Father Bill. Mean while, be the best kilted piper they have ever heard.

[OC Richard]

According to my parents, "A kilt is part of a costume you wear whenever you are asked to pipe somewhere...

This is a very common attitude in the Pipe Band world, amongst the pipers and drummers themselves, so your parents have a lot of company!

I'm considered as something of an eccentric amongst my Pipe Band brothers (and sisters) because I will show up at Highland Games in kilts even when I'm not playing. All my friends, when they see me in kilts, and seeing that I'm wearing different kit than our band's kit, will ask "Are you doing solos?"

Pipe band people wearing kilts to an event they're not playing at "just isn't done" around here.

But I feel for you, my piping brother!

I had nothing but support from my father. In fact he borrowed my kilt a couple times! He was proud of his Scottish (and English!) ancestry.

In your case, the words of Dr Suess come to mind, something like "proceed with caution, and tact, and remember that life's a balancing act!"

[PiperOfThePlains]

This has been an amazing thread; please keep your thoughts coming! I love hearing all of your opinions! To answer some of your questions; I am fourteen, approaching fifteen. I don't necessarily intend on going 100% full time kilting, as it gets rather windy and cold here in my corner of the Llano Estacado, and I certainly will never go to the city pool in one! {YIKES!} Although I own a Bilt-Kilt, I am not necessarily all too fond of canvas kilts. As far as taking my parents to highland games and things of the like goes, I only get to go Estes Park. That's the only highland gathering I get to attend all year. Traveling is expensive, and even though we aren't dirt poor, we are most definitely not more-than-well-to-do. I will indubitably show them this thread, as it's serving almost as a petition. Don't let my grade 4 piping status fool you; I've only ever competed twice, and last year, I won overall with a competition of about 25/30 G4 pipers. Basically, I'm a G2 piper with a G4 brand.

Now -- Bullying. During the last minor discussion I had with my da' about this (Which ended in an un-uniform shedding of my Vulcan tears), he was more than pleased at my stance regarding teasing. I'm a generally popular guy in my small city of only ~2500, being one of about seven pipers within 150 miles in any given direction. Words don't bother me; they're just random phonetic sounds and tones produced in what some might consider as an unpleasant manner. I also have a relatively good deal of wit, humour and intellect on my side, which has proved more than helpful in a handful of circumstances.