Kilt controversy nearly keeps johnston county teen from attending his prom

[Liam]

Yes, that's a recurring theme also. People assume that because kilts are not explicitly mentioned as being disallowed, the only interpretation must be that they are acceptable. This, IMHO, is an intentional misreading of the intent.

The wording of the rules is such that it is pretty clear that they want boys to wear nice pants. They say a tuxedo is allowed, but not necessary. Dress pants are an acceptable substitute. Items to be avoided are shorts, jeans, etc. It's unfortunate that they should have to go into legalese by stating their "to be avoided" list as "including, but not limited to...", but apparently that's what it's going to take. Somebody is going to keep trying to skirt the rules (no pun intended) to the point where the rules will have to be drafted by an attorney.

The really sad part of this is that it makes kilts an item of contention, which casts a negative pall over kilts in general.

I would tend to agree with Tobus here, sometimes to such events one should discuss things in advance to avoid confrontation, unless that was the intent. The decision to wear the kilt was made well enough in advance, I'm sure that there was time to discuss it with those supervising the event. I was 18 once and remember how 18 yr. olds act.
Cheers

[cizinec]

The Praise Prom was "about Jesus" but he would not have been allowed in because of the dress code.

. . . and all the Apostles, etc. It doesn't bother them, though. Jesus comes to their party, He has to follow their rules or get out!

[davidlpope]

Anyway, I noticed this quote in the article:



Is he from the Scottish Highlands? Or is he an American of Scottish descent? The article doesn't say. It said the kilt was his late grandfather's, which I think is pretty cool. But not much else on the background. Not that it really matters.

"Scotch-Irish" per the student. Perhaps the organizers aren't the only ones that could use a good dose of kilt education...

[Standard]

I think the kilt should have been allowed. "Perfectly acceptable" does not mean mandatory, required, or compulsory. We are supposed to be tolerant of this, that, and the other. I believe the kilt should be included.

My thoughts exactly. The dress code did not state that pants must be worn, only that they were "perfectly acceptable". If they were going to insist on dress pants then they should have clearly stated that, not the vague statement that they did post. If his kilt wasn't acceptable how was it that her dress clearly showing off her bare shoulders was acceptable??

[KiltingandPiping]

I've attended many proms in formal kilt attire without issue, I'm very sorry to see this lad faced opposition.

For all those interested, here's the official response from the event organizer:

Hello,
I am writing on behalf of the Praise Prom. I am the founder and director of this Christian Alternative Prom which was created originally for home-school students. This year we held our 9th annual Praise Prom with a theme, "Sweeter than Honey" as we celebrated just how important God's word is to us. " How sweet your words taste to me, they are sweeter than honey." Psalm 119:103 I am a Mom of seven, 5 at home and 2 with special needs. I created this prom for my children and their friends 9 years ago. Now, with many other moms like myself, we serve many other children and their friends in all sorts of schools around our area.
I am writing in response to some statements made by David Leix concerning his treatment at the Praise Prom. It is my understanding that David felt we didn't allow him into the Praise Prom because of his kilt. I was very sad to hear this because it is not true, as I want every student who attends the Praise Prom to feel loved and respected. His delayed admittance into the Praise Prom did not have to do with his kilt, it had to do with him not wearing the dress pants we required. He signed the same agreement that nearly 100 other teens signed and adhered to and hundreds more have done the same for all these years. In this policy it is stated that "You may enjoy wearing a tuxedo, but it is not necessary for this event. Dress pants, shirt, and tie are perfectly acceptable. Avoid jeans, shorts, sagging pants, or t-shirts." We have never had a young man question this dress code. We feel that they all have understood what we were hoping to convey, that they don't have to spend a ton of money on a tux, and that dress pants, dress shirt and tie are the only requirements. I expressed to David that I thought his kilt was amazing and that I respected him and his respectful attitude concerning this situation. I asked if he had signed our etiquette agreement, and he responded that he had. I asked him if he thought he might be questioned about his kilt and he said no. His date handed me their signed agreement and I read to them the words explaining the young men's dress requirements. He still insisted that he was not breaking our dress code. I was heart broken to have to explain to him that he would not be permitted into the prom the way he was dressed. I asked if he could put some pants under the kilt, he rejected that idea. I asked if he could go home and change and he said no. I asked if his parents could bring him some pants, and he said they lived too far away. I could have simply asked him to leave because he did not adhere to our dress code, but I wanted to do everything I could to make this situation better. I believe I was showing him love and acceptance when I suggested that he and his date follow me to the photographer and have a free picture made in his kilt while we tried to locate him a pair of dress pants, which he agreed he would wear in place of his kilt. Finally, we made arrangements for another chaperon to leave and go purchase him some pants. David did miss about 1/2 of the prom. I believe it's because he chose to show up in clothing that did not meet the requirements we set. If he would have contacted us before the day of the Praise prom to ask if his clothing choice was appropriate, as so many other students do, we would have avoided this entire thing and he would have been able to enjoy the entire prom.
Because of this situation we will be making some changes to our policies. Our etiquette agreement is the students ticket into the Praise Prom. It must be signed and brought to the Prom. It was created to keep things clear and flowing smoothly for everyone on Prom night. We want to keep things about Jesus, and keep things very simple and straight forward. We support people who want to celebrate their special heritages, and suggest that David and his Mom perhaps create a special heritage night or dance. I'm impressed with David and his energy, creativity and enthusiasm to go to such lengths to convince us to change our policy. I celebrate with him the freedom we have in this country, and exercise mine, as I stand firm in our policy of dress pants, dress shirt and tie only for boys at the Praise Prom. I will reimburse David the cost of his prom ticket, which was $60.00 and wish him well.
Sincerely and prayerfully,

Traci Lanphere
Founder/Director of The Praise Prom
and Greater Love Community Help Center.
Christians aren't perfect just free and forgiven!
"She who has been forgiven much, loves much." Luke 7: 47

[tpa]

I know nothing about proms, but from the wording I am with the boy on this. There is nothing mandatory about the word acceptable nor does a kilt fall into any of the Avoid categories. I would say the intention of the guidance was smart casual wear and his kilt certainly falls into that category. However I would say that suggesting he wears trousers under the kilt calls into question the competence of that person to a) write the guidance, b) interpret the guidance and c) be responsible for home schooling. It also begs the question as to whether the intention is to ensure smart casual wear or just to be B minded by producing guidance which is open to interpretation to allow them to throw their weight around. The fact that they are not prepared to change the guidance, despite knowing it is open to interpretation and likely to cause distress only reinforces my opinion of their competence.

Personally I would have been tempted to put on the trousers under the kilt and roll the legs up.

[Father Bill]

You know... it seems to me that this thread has moved a long way from a discussion of kilts (something about which we all share a passion) to a parsing of the legalities and intentions of the wording of a policy. I'm speaking in this post mostly as a retired school principal, and not as a moderator, but it seems to me that the policy was poorly thought out and poorly worded, and further, that as leaders, we have a responsibility to both word our policies clearly and to know when it's time to take a pass on the rules.

They didn't have either a school or a principal in this case, and that's a principal's main job, not just to enforce the rules, but to know when to not enforce them, and to use wisdom in planning.

Maybe we need to remember a rule here that says we're discussing kilts, not the legitimacy of rules or rulings. (That part was semi-principal, semi-moderator)

[MacKenzie]

You know... it seems to me that this thread has moved a long way from a discussion of kilts (something about which we all share a passion) to a parsing of the legalities and intentions of the wording of a policy.

You're right. So let's put this thread out of our misery.

[AFS1970]

I have to say that I appreciate that the founder of this prom took the time to reply, although I couldn't help but laugh at this part:

It is my understanding that David felt we didn't allow him into the Praise Prom because of his kilt. I was very sad to hear this because it is not true, as I want every student who attends the Praise Prom to feel loved and respected. His delayed admittance into the Praise Prom did not have to do with his kilt, it had to do with him not wearing the dress pants we required.

Considering the way we have been debating the minutia of the rules, this fits right in with our adapted theme.

Remember I do see their rule as at the very least implying that trousers were required, I disagree with that especially seeing some of what passes for "dress pants" these days. However I am much more of the opinion here that this was a perfect storm of a kid being a kid and staff that simply encountered something they had never dealt with before and were unprepared for. To me I think it would have been better to allow the kilt in and avoid the trouble, as I can't see how the kilt could have cause any problem. However it was up to the prom's staff to interpret their rules how they see fit, even if they were poorly worded.

I don't think this has much of anything to do with homeschooling. I have met many people who home-school their children. All are very bright, but even if they were not, they all have bought curriculum packages from vetted sources. In most states homeschooling is still overseen by a government agency which (for better or worse) has to approve all the materials used. I will grant that there is probably not a unit on kilts included there, but then again there wasn't a unit on kilts in my public school education either.

At my own prom we had one young gentleman who decided to dress a bit fancier than the rest of us. Where we were all in fairly generic tuxedos, he showed up in white tie and tails, with a top hat and a cane. He took some fun spirited ribbing and then we all moved on from it. He did say that since he thought this was going to be one of the few times he dressed up, he might as well look good and enjoy it. Looking back as an adult I can't fault his logic, even if he was a bit over dressed.

[woodysjames]

I have mixed feelings about it. I've known people that homeschooled, and it's hit or miss. Some do well, others don't. I know one family that home schooled their 4 kids, and 1 did well while the other 3 can't spell.

When someone decides to homeschool a child, there is an understanding that the child will miss out on certain things associated with school, such as athletics, social events (like prom), and other things. This prom was by a religious bunch, and wasn't a public school event. It's a shame that in an area that Scottish heritage that a kilt would be turned away. But, here in the South, religion tends to get in the way of common sense sometimes. Reminds me of Footloose, when dancing was banned because they deemed it sinful.

We had a girl at my high school the year after I graduated that wore a tux, and took her girlfriend to the prom. That was in the early 90s. Can't remember how well that went over. It was a public school in SC. My kids are only a couple of years from prom age...I dread it.