Advice

[rtc872]

Right... Before this lapses in to a weird version of scots I would advise doing wha I know my best man will.

He is going to look at me and say "just in case we needed proof of who wears the pants" and leave it at that.

By all means use the kilt as a premise for a joke but don't ridicule the kilt. The difference is between insulting one person or many.

Another could be to take your joke and aim it at someone in particular. "I was worried about wearing the kilt because knowing me I'd make it look like a skirt. Now that I know a can wear a knife legally with I don't care what I look like." or something like that.

Good luck. I'm sure you'll go down a treat

Rob

[beloitpiper]

Sorry to say, that joke isn't even all that original. People have been using the "kilt is a skirt" joke for decades...sometimes joking, sometimes as an insult. And because of that, I'd recommend NOT using it in a speech.

[Nighthawk]

Haven't heard from the OP in a while... Maybe we scared him away!

[Cygnus]

"When [the groom] asked me to be his best man, I was flattered. When he said I'd be kilted, I was nervous. You see, I've never worn a kilt before and I wasn't quite sure of the proper way to do it; for example, I had no idea what was worn under it. When I asked [the groom] what he wears under his kilt, he said 'lipstick'. I don't claim to understand the culture, and I don't get the purpose of the lipstick but I'd do anything for him - I have to admit, though, that I was a bit offended when he refused to help me get the lipstick on right!"

or

"I wasn't quite sure how to wear a kilt, and I think I got one of my garters on a bit high. You can imagine my relief when I saw that I wasn't the only one - and I'd like to ask [the groom] if he'd help me with mine, too!"

or

"I wasn't sure what you wear under the kilt, so I asked the groom and he said 'socks'. I have got to say that hanging an extra pair of socks inside my kilt felt a bit like being in junior high again..."

Those are a few that I would consider were I in your situation. If you ensure that you (and the groom) are the butt of the joke, you'll be just fine. I don't personally like comedy that makes the audience or, worse yet, an entire culture the butt of a joke.

Good luck!

[1mason]

I wouldn't try it. If you're bent on making jokes I would direct them at the English seeing as you're an Englishman. Never trivialize the customs or honour of strangers.

[Kornkob]

"When [the groom] asked me to be his best man, I was flattered. When he said I'd be kilted, I was nervous. You see, I've never worn a kilt before and I wasn't quite sure of the proper way to do it; for example, I had no idea what was worn under it. When I asked [the groom] what he wears under his kilt, he said 'lipstick'. I don't claim to understand the culture, and I don't get the purpose of the lipstick but I'd do anything for him - I have to admit, though, that I was a bit offended when he refused to help me get the lipstick on right!"

or

"I wasn't quite sure how to wear a kilt, and I think I got one of my garters on a bit high. You can imagine my relief when I saw that I wasn't the only one - and I'd like to ask [the groom] if he'd help me with mine, too!"

or

"I wasn't sure what you wear under the kilt, so I asked the groom and he said 'socks'. I have got to say that hanging an extra pair of socks inside my kilt felt a bit like being in junior high again..."

Those are a few that I would consider were I in your situation. If you ensure that you (and the groom) are the butt of the joke, you'll be just fine. I don't personally like comedy that makes the audience or, worse yet, an entire culture the butt of a joke.

Good luck!

I think these are all good examples of jokes that, properly delivered, could come off as funny without insulting any of the guests, save yourself. Instead of making fun of the kilt, you are making yourself out to be a laughable character who doesn't understand.

With a delivery that makes clear that it is your own supposed misunderstanding that is the humor (not the kilt or culture) safe to do because one can't really get mad at a guy who laughs at his own ignorance.

[jForrester]

I think these are all good examples of jokes that, properly delivered, could come off as funny without insulting any of the guests, save yourself. Instead of making fun of the kilt, you are making yourself out to be a laughable character who doesn't understand.

With a delivery that makes clear that it is your own supposed misunderstanding that is the humor (not the kilt or culture) safe to do because one can't really get mad at a guy who laughs at his own ignorance.

Excellent points. As one who has officiated at a number of weddings, I have to agree.

[Bob C]

Haven't heard from the OP in a while... Maybe we scared him away!

I think he did not get the answer he wanted.

[Pleater]

Hopefully - on consideration - something less contentious will result.

Two of my classmates were fast friends from nursery days, and when one was to be married after his first year at university, naturally he called in his friend to be best men.

Perhaps he took bad advice from new friends, but the speach broke their friendship and they had not met again in well over ten years when I met the married couple on a rare visit home.

Anne the Pleater :ootd:

[The Guy in the Kilt at UC]

The family are from Glasgow and they are a very down to earth bunch.

I looked at that Michael McIntyre clip and that is exactly what I had in mind.

"look at us all here in our skirts and bags, good job we've got a knife in our sock to make us look masculine"

I feel it will not affend and will be english / scottish banter but some on here seem quite seriarse.

It sounds as though you've made up your mind already, but I'll say my piece anyway. Please say only positive things at the following occasions: weddings, funerals, church. Anything else is in bad taste.