A little ticked....

[Woodsman]

Wear pants and then keep telling everyone that you feel naked without your kilt! .........Then give thanks that your wife accepts you as you are.

[Jack Daw]

I like Nighthawk's take. If your family insists on you not wearing a kilt, then insist that all the ladies wear dresses and all the men wear ties. If this point is lost on them, it won't be the first time common sense has failed to stick.

Still, I don't know the dynamics of your family relationship, so I cannot give advice on whether you should ditch the family Thanksgiving over this issue.

[DWFII]

Advice is free, so take it for what it's worth...here's my take:

In the long view of things, this is small potatoes. Don't make an issue of it. You only give power to those who already, I am sure, know how you feel about it. It makes you look small and drives a rift between yourself and people who, at some level, you care about and who, at some level, care about you.

People talk about how the holidays tend to promote family discord. This is how it happens. This is how it begins. Don't feed it. If you do it will eat you up and no matter how or what you decide to do, the holiday will be ruined for everyone...but most importantly for you and your wife.

It's Thanksgiving...give thanks that you have a family. That you have a mother and a brother. Give thanks that you can be with them.

After Thanksgiving...that's the time, if you must, to make it clear to all concerned that if they cannot accept you as you are then you will not be accepting future invitations. Don't ask for apologies. Don't get mad. Just be matter of fact and determined. Walk away if things start to get heated.

Or, if you don't like confrontations and want to send a more subtle message, simply refuse future invitations that don't include an open ended acceptance of your autonomy. But at the same time you must issue invitations to them...all of them...and be sure to wear your kilt. Eventually they'll get the picture.

Again...take it for what it's worth.

[celtic cowboy]

Just wanted to give you all a big thanks. When I am kilted, in public or private I feel great. I fell like a more confident person, like I can take on the world. And I love the way the wife looks at me when kilted, she has a bit of shine in her eye because she knows how happy I am. I would never even think about telling anyone what to wear, I was brought up to be my own person, however I constantly get compared to my brother, he has a good job he has a big house, well I live in a single wide trailer that I can say has more love, and understanding in it than his 4,000 plus sq. foot house ever will. I am proud of my family history, my religion, and of who I am. I worked as a paramedic for 14yrs and have taken a break form that for the past year, as the job had started to get to me. I have made the choice to get back on the ambulance soon, as it will help me give my family a better place to live as the park we are in has gotten out of hand. Also I love to help people, and I miss it very much, but I just had to get away for a while. Other than my wife non of my other familey understands this, they think I am being lazy. I love big family dinners, as I love to cook (have a big pork loin on the smoker right now), but my brothers family eats out alot, or they have dinners catered in. However, we will go for Thanksgiving dinner out this year, yes I think it sucks, However I will be kilted! I will let everyone know how it turns out. I think they will be more of a stink over the fact that my wife and I chose not to join the family for the premeal prayer, that on always get the PO look from mom. hope everyone else has a great day.

[Aggie]

You've gotten a lot of advice over this thread. It sounds like you've made your decision. Be true to yourself and take some heartburn med along for your brother's family.

[Tommie]

Having a good job and a four thousand sq foot house does not make your brother any better than you.
From what you have said about how he acts,I would much rather have you as a friend.

[celtic cowboy]

just thought I would let eveyone know that I tried to talk to my mom about this today. She came and picked myself and my son up today to go run around. When she got he she told me I should put on pants as it was "cold" out today. I informed her that I was very fine in what I had on (kilt, pushed down socks, short boots, button up shirt, ball cap and the such.) and that I am sure I wold not get cold. In the car I asked what the big deal was, and why did she think it was ok to promise things for me, also why did she think it is ok to tell me what to wear and when. She then informed me that she "Could" tell me what to wear, because she is my mom, and also that I have taken "this kilt thing" to far and need to stop it. Well in the nicest way I could I told her it is not her life and to butt out. Not sure how this will go. She seemed fine the rest of the day.

[Phogfan86]

I am truly blessed to have a mother who knows when to say something and when not to. And I know it hasn't always been easy to keep quiet.

Hang in there. Maybe after you've been going through this kilt "phase" for 10 or 15 years, she'll get it.

[RockyR]

I wish you the best of luck. I think I would have retorted with something such as...

"I understand. While we're on the subject, you women have taken this pants thing too far. I really hope I can count on you and the other women to wear dresses to Thanksgiving and to give up this silly 'pants craze'."

or

"Please let me know at what age I'll be allowed to start making my own decisions. I wouldn't want to grow up to fast. Can you dress my son as well?"

While my parents are a bit stubborn / opinionated (as am I) and only want what's best for me, they respect me as an individual and will let me stand or fall of my own accord. If I choose to wear a kilt or get a tattoo or whatever, they may not LIKE it, but will respect it as my decision. It looks like this may be a control or 'boundary' issue.

[Riverkilt]

Aye Yi Yi!!! Sounds like you're part of one of them families that never lets the kids go on out on their own..."Jeez mom...its 2008 and I'm an adult!!"

A family systems therapist would probably point out that families like this prefer every one stay in their slot and whenever someone moves out of their expected role all the other members endeavor to force the maverick back into their assigned roll.

Families with this attitude often aren't much on accepting wives and husbands into the fold "we're family" prevails over the freedom to break loose and start a new life like most mammals do in adolescence.

Its okay to "divorce" your family....its okay to take a chain saw to the apron strings...its okay to set boundaries with relatives.

Sounds like there are some shaming messages coming your way about being kilted. My belief is the proper response to any shaming message is a sincere, firm two word response requesting the person dispensing the shame do something anatomically impossible. Don't have to say it mean, or challenging, just determined and firmly.

If the best they can find to pick at you with is the kilt....well, that's something good.

And maybe....just maybe...if you invited Mom to your local highland games when they next roll around she might be a tad more open....

Think you're handling the situation well, both with your famdamnily and with sorting through the suggestions from the rabble.

Would be a hoot if there were other Rabble in the Lakeland area that could show up at the same restaurant at the same time...not necessarily to eat...but to stroll through the parking lot, wait like they're waiting for a table...that thing they used to do on the Internet where a whole lot of people show up in the same place in the same time.

Don't know if it applies for your family. One of the things that calmed my late mother was when I got a kilt in her clan tartan...she had no clue...but when I told her she beamed and that was the end of the "why kilted?" issue with her.

Ron