And they call themselves men ...

[ozmeath]

Some well said comments here. It makes my blood boil to see this decline in respect for our fellow humans, female, male, elderly or just someone who's carrying shopping.
It's fear. just pure and simple.
People are paranoid for many reasons, some of which have been bought up already. Fear of ridicule, a law suit, a punch in the face (or worse). Fear of being seen as different, of even being noticed! It is a statement and a damn fine one to hold open a door for a father or mother with a pram (stroller) and a couple of roudy kids. Gennerally I have to get up out of my chair and my cozy public transport headspace and actually look someone in the eye and say openly "would you like a hand?".
It's a product of the new individualist.A "take anything I can from this body/person/family/town/country/earth" mentality.It's a mentality that has forgotten about consequences because it has lost respect for the whole.
Here's to hope.....E.

[davedove]

As she walked through she let me know that my gesture was not appreciated and that I was just reinforcing the patriarchal society that endeavoured to hold her and other women down. She refused to listen to my explanation that I would have done the same for a similarly burdened male student and instead launched into a long harangue about women's rights. I completely support absolute equality, but that women was what other's call a "feminazi." It was a horrible encounter and a sad comment on her upbringing.

At that point I would have let the door go and hoped it was heavy enough to make her drop everything, then walked away with no offer to help. Her response showed no respect to you and thus she didn't deserve any in return.

[longshadows]

Some well said comments here. It's fear. just pure and simple. People are paranoid for many reasons...

It's a product of the new individualist: a "take anything I can from this body/person/family/town/country/earth" mentality. It's a mentality that has forgotten about consequences because it has lost respect for the whole.

Erin puts it quite well, but he's made two distinct points, I think.

Yes, some are afraid, as in the case of the young woman who called Phillip a male chauvinist pig. She was "paranoid" (who knows why she saw men as "the enemy," but maybe she had some personal experience), but she was also shallow and foolish (but aren't a lot of people?) to see all men in such a way and not be able to differentiate between a "good deed" and something other. Yet, she was the victim in a sense. She may still be having trouble in life dealing in a healthy way with men, so she's paying a price for this.

We, especially in "the West" (whatever that is!) have had it so good for so long that we've forgotten some important aspects of life. The media: television, radio, PCs, the Internet (ever wonder why it's capitalized, like God?), cell phones, iPods, etc. have given us a warped view of the world. We are increasingly self-absorbed, but also manipulated by those who know how to use these tools for their own ends. Selfishness, instant gratification and the "security" to pursue my own "happiness" (without regard for others), is the norm today.

Well, we won't solve this here on XMarks, but it's good that we're discussing it, even though it's "off topic."

Regards,

[Big Paul]

Chivalry is not dead in me!


When I first started dating my wife, she was amazed that I would hold the door for her and carry things for her. She told me months later that she was even more stunned that it wasn’t an act. It was just the way I am. She realized that I don’t just do it for her, but everybody, men and women alike.. I also say Sir and Mam’ all the time. I don’t consider this to be anything special. Consider it to be good behavior.. Nothing more.

[flyv65]

If I must become some type of jackass to survive, then I ask the Almighty to take me now! I will NEVER give up those values which were instilled in me as a child, and I will not tolerate my children to disregard those same values. Any individual without common courtesy, has no self-respect. A man/woman who lives without self-respect, is only pretending to live.

Your use of the word "jackass" and the vehemence with which you write, Moosehead, would considered the height of poor manners and demonstrate a lack of courtesy and respect in older oriental cultures-and would be viewed as very rude today. That would reflect poorly on your parents and bring shame on your family; is that the way you were brought up?

Not to poke at you specifically Moosehead, but my point is that the society we live in determines our concept of good manners, in much the same way it shapes our speech patterns; and that these things wil change over time, since they are impacted by the variables in our society, such as technology, fashion, music, etc.. I would make the arguement whatever standard of courtesy we deem proper, some-one somewhere else could well be offended by our actions: and without a doubt if we go back in time.

Bryan...that's what I meant by evolve...

[flyv65]

Chivalry is not dead in me!


When I first started dating my wife, she was amazed that I would hold the door for her and carry things for her. She told me months later that she was even more stunned that it wasn’t an act. It was just the way I am. She realized that I don’t just do it for her, but everybody, men and women alike.. I also say Sir and Mam’ all the time. I don’t consider this to be anything special. Consider it to be good behavior.. Nothing more.

One of my "watch it when it comes on" movies (meaning I don't own it), is Blast from the Past with Brendan Fraser and Alicia Silverstone. The story revolves around a family that has been living in a bomb shelter for 35 years (since the Cuban Missile crisis), and the interaction of the son when introduced to "modern" life. The show makes me think about some of the things that have changed for the worse since then, but it also points out some of the things that I wouldn't give up. Towards the end, there is a scene where two of the characters are discussing the oddly quaint beliefs and mannerisms Adam (the son) has; and the point is made that he learned all this from his parents-how bizarre! If you folks get the chance, I 'd suggest watching it the next time it comes on-it seems germaine to this topic, and perhaps an example of Big Paul's upbringing.

Bryan...I particularly liked Adam's definition of a gentleman...

[Schultz]

I tracked down the exchange flyv65 was referring to from Blast from the Past:

Eve (Alicia Silverstone): Now hold on, hold on just a minute! In the first place I do not fall in love with weirdos who I've only known for four or five days!

Troy (Dave Foley): Yes you do.

Eve: And I don't fall in love with grown men who collect baseball cards!

Troy: Yes you do.

Eve: Or pee in their pants when they see the ocean!

Troy: Yes you do.

Eve: Or have perfect table manners!

Troy: You know, I asked him about that. He said, good manners are just a way of showing other people we have respect for them. See, I didn't know that, I thought it was just a way of acting all superior. Oh and you know what else he told me?

Eve: What?

Troy: He thinks I'm a gentleman and you're a lady.

Eve: [disgusted] Well, consider the source! I don't even know what a lady is.

Troy: I know, I mean I thought a "gentleman" was somebody that owned horses. But it turns out, his short and simple definition of a lady or a gentleman is, someone who always tries to make sure the people around him or her are as comfortable as possible.

Eve: Where do you think he got all that information?

Troy: From the oddest place - his parents. I mean, I don't think I got that memo from mine.

[Big Paul]

perhaps an example of Big Paul's upbringing.

My parents thank you!

[The Supreme Canuck]

At that point I would have let the door go and hoped it was heavy enough to make her drop everything, then walked away with no offer to help. Her response showed no respect to you and thus she didn't deserve any in return.

Respectfully, I would react differently. I would have made a point of being even more polite and considerate. I would have (in a very level, controlled voice) explained my intentions and apologized for the misunderstanding. I would have wished her a good day. And then I would just walk off, retaining the moral high ground.

Sometimes it's better to just take the abuse with good grace. It makes them look all the more foolish.

[davedove]

Respectfully, I would react differently. I would have made a point of being even more polite and considerate. I would have (in a very level, controlled voice) explained my intentions and apologized for the misunderstanding. I would have wished her a good day. And then I would just walk off, retaining the moral high ground.

Sometimes it's better to just take the abuse with good grace. It makes them look all the more foolish.

Of course that's the prefered tactic, and I commend you for it. It seems from what Glassman said though, that she didn't even let him explain. It just seems to me like she had made several assumptions and wouldn't be told otherwise.