Dealing with objections

[Hachiman]

First, please allow me to further define my question / topic: for me, this is more of an anticipatory strike, rather than coping with an existing situation... but I thought I'd ask and see if a) it's been discussed before, or b) someone has already had to deal with this situation.

Essentially, my (new) wife has informed me that while she's fine with me wearing a kilt casually (and formally, of course), my new in-laws probably won't understand why anyone would voluntarily wear a kilt without a formal occasion to attend (ie: casually). My wife believes that her family are too "conformist" ("socially conditioned", "narrow minded", etc - feel free to use the term you prefer most ) to understand or acknowledge any motivation to wear a kilt in a casual situation.

My question is this: has anyone encountered family members who (for whatever reason) are unwilling to attempt to understand why a guy would opt for a kilt over more "normal" bifurcated clothing? How did you deal with this "active ignorance"?

cheers

Hachiman

[Yaish]

You cant reason someone out of a position they didnt reason themselves into.

If that is their opinion, dont count on changing it. Fortunately for you, you only married their daughter and not them, so I dont see why this would be a problem.

[davedove]

I don't think you can change that thinking. I have seen lots of article about confronting outright objections to kilt wearing, but not much about the "normal" aspect.

About all you can do is just keep wearing the kilt, and hope that familiarity will eventually set it.

[Blu (Ontario)]

I'd like to suggest that you first do a bit of reading through the articles at

http://www.kiltmen.com/advice.htm

Written by a long time and insightful kilt wearer, these essays are an excellent launch point for less experienced and new kilt wearers.

Being prepared for the negative gives you the confidence to enjoy the positive.

cheers,

blu

[Scottish Chi]

You cant reason someone out of a position they didnt reason themselves into.

If that is their opinion, dont count on changing it. Fortunately for you, you only married their daughter and not them, so I dont see why this would be a problem.

I agree with you a some of your points. However, although you marry the daughter you also marry into the family. In this case the spouse is the one who has the problem. She is caught between supporting her husband while keeping peace with her parents over the issue. This is not a good thing for a newly married couple to have to deal with. To illustrate the point imagine the same situation if this were an episode of "All In the Family" only not so funny when it's real and there are no script writters to make a happy ending. This can be dealt with but will take some time, patience, understanding (on the part of Hachiman), and education. The education will have to begin first with Hachiman and wife. Blu(Ontario) has given an excellent recommendation for a place to start.

Cheers, Bill

[Nick]

My father-in-law doesn't get why anyone would wear a kilt even in a formal occassion, but he's gotten used to me wearing them. It's a saturation thing. Still teases me and all, but there's no problem.

[ozmeath]

That's an interesting one Hachiman. Obviously you know your in-laws and spouse better than we so how can we speculate on how your wearing a kilt or not affect them? If it were me I'd take the challenge on to re-educate the in-laws and ask your wife to support you on it. She vowed to!
Also have a think about why you wear a kilt, so that when you're asked you respond clearly and confidently. We all have our reasons of course but they probably are about the same: deepening family connection, cultural tradition and pride, and comfort. Any others folks?
Well how could they argue against that?
Erin

[A Hay]

My inclination would be to try to avoid making the kilt a point of contention until you and your inlaws have gotten to know one another better. You married your wife, but the in-laws come with the deal. They are important to her and therefore should merit some respect from you.

Hopefully, in time, they will come to see the kilt as part of your life, but not as important to them as how you treat their daughter, grandkids (maybe), and other people.

If you push it on them, it becomes a contest of wills and may get in the way of a long term relationship.

Just my take. I've been lucky to have very nice in-laws for a long while. My wife and I celebrate our 38th anniversary in a month from today.

Tom

[KiltedPilot]

You cant reason someone out of a position they didnt reason themselves into.

I like that. I like it very much.

[KiltWearingIrishHooligan]

I suppose I have an somewhat unique problem with family. My parents get a kick out of me wearing a kilt and are quite proud(mom is Scotch/Irish dad: Irish). The only problem lies in my grandparents, and other family(mind you, they are Scotch-Irish as well). They for some reason associate all things Scottish or Irish with something bad, therefore they give me constant grief about it. Apparently to them being of Celtic ancestory is something to be ashamed of. Any suggestions on trying to swing them to my side on this issue anyone? Its most likely pointless, but I can always try.

Slainte leat,

Heaston McLloyd