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ALERTS TO TERROR THREATS IN 2011 EUROPE


> > The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
> > threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed"
> > to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to
> > "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."
> >
> > The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when
> > tea supplies nearly ran out.
> >
> > Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody
> > Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning
> > level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
> >
> > The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's
> > Get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason
> > they
> > have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300
> > years.
> >
> > The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror
> > alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels
> > in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was
> > precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag
> > factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
> >
> > Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly"
> > to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain:
> > "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
> >
> > The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful
> > Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have
> > two
> > higher
> > levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."
> >
> > Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only
> > threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
> >
> > The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
> > deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
> > Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
> >
> > Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries"
> > to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain:
> > "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and
> > "The barbie is canceled." So far, no situation has ever warranted use of
> > the
> > final escalation level.
> >
> > John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person - and of Monty Python films
Please dont be offended, all in good fun-kilted hillbilly