Daughter's objection to the kilt - need advice.

[xdepuydt]

In my eyes the key to the solution is imbedded in one of the sentences you wrote. You "justified to your wife the purchase with the oft quoted line of "yes, I do plan on wearing it more than once.""
If you feel that you need to justify, you send the message that somehow you are crossing the borders of what is acceptable. Your daughter reacts to this automatically. There is no reason for inventing excuses. To wear a kilt is something perfectly normal and if you want to do it, you simply do it.

[llyd]

In my eyes the key to the solution is imbedded in one of the sentences you wrote. You "justified to your wife the purchase with the oft quoted line of "yes, I do plan on wearing it more than once.""
If you feel that you need to justify, you send the message that somehow you are crossing the borders of what is acceptable. Your daughter reacts to this automatically. There is no reason for inventing excuses. To wear a kilt is something perfectly normal and if you want to do it, you simply do it.

I wish some wise person would have said this very thing to me about fifteen years ago..and that I would have had the brains to listen. Might have saved me some aggravation over hte years.

[Chas]

Parents and their children will embarrass each other for the whole of their lifetimes. Choose ANY subject and their will be disagreement at some level between the generations.

If it were me, I would use it as a learning experience (maybe a whole family learning experience). Being tolerant of other's choices is something to be admired. And your daughter is going to make some choices in the next 10 years that will turn your hair grey overnight.

Regards

Chas

[kiltedrennie]

Give them time.

I started with wearing it to the pub at night, then to outings that were not specifically for my kids. I didn't give my kids a choice of me wearing it unless it was to one of their events.

My 16 year old cosplaying daughter said "I don't care what you wear. My friends think its cool and the ones that don't, I don't care what they think."

My 13 year old son who doesn't like to dress up for Halloween was embarrassed and didn't want me to wear it if his classmates would be around. I let him have his way at first, but set the expectation I might change my mind. It's been a few months. We spent Tartan Day together, running around town on errands, ate lunch, had ice cream, and went to dinner at the local pub while I was kilted. While I was talking to a friend we ran into, he started a conversation with patrons at the table next to us when they asked him about my kilt. He's relaxed about it now, and just expects it.

[Katia]

If it were me, I would use it as a learning experience (maybe a whole family learning experience). Being tolerant of other's choices is something to be admired.
Chas

While I tried never to antagonize my children I thought the best way to deal with "cool" was to demonstrate true cool was to be yourself.

However, who cares what they think. Be yourself. If you want to wear it, wear it.

All of these.

[TheOfficialBren]

***

I would add that, although I have no children at the moment, I have a similar situation (although inverted). I am the son of a man who is descended from Scots. He was not raised with the kilt or even very much of his Scottish heritage, save what was leftover from the hillfolk of Arkansas and Kentucky.

I discovered my love for my father's heritage relatively late and since he was raised more-or-less with some (regretably there is no other word and I mean this with the UTMOST respect) ignorance regarding his own heritage and ethnic customs it has become a personal quest to revive some of those customs, including but in no way limited kilt-wearing. My mum is in no way Scottish (her roots are English and Cherokee), so there is the occasional raised eyebrow. Dad, although having no interest in donning a kilt of his own, seems to take some mild interest in it.

My sister approves very much. From her perspective, it is part of the beauty of our family's diversity (she and my older brother are very much involved in celebrating our Cherokee roots).
My extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins) are curious and show lots of love and support.
The whole family are all fascinated and impressed with the workmanship and quality of Highland leatherworks and the beauty of tartan.

It's safe to say that the family as a whole is warming up nicely.

[Chas]

I have been thinking about this a lot since my first post and have come to this conclusion.

Cool is overrated.

When my son was at school all the cool parents had a constant aura of 'drama' about them. The simplest of tasks could not be performed without public announcements, press releases and all the preparations for a Normandy invasion. I don't think that they were particularly good parents.

But in their heart of hearts, children don't want cool. They want dependable, reliable and maybe a little bit boring. They want to know where they stand and where their parents stand and to be able to rely on that knowledge. When they fly too high and singe their wings and fall to earth, they want to know that their parents will be there to catch them and keep them safe. They do not want to think that maybe Mum and Dad will be off, on their own flight of fancy.

So, do what you do. Do not do less of it - do more of it. So that all your children will know it and can depend on it.

Cool is overrated.

Regards

Chas

[tundramanq]

*** on the whole thread. A whole lot of common sense and many sympathetic laughs here. The best one liner I have heard was from my sisters husband," We had kids so that we could warp them into own image." They did, successfully, great young adults, no physical or mental scars on the kids nor mom and pop. They are themselves and think uncle Chuck is cool.

[macwilkin]

***

I would add that, although I have no children at the moment, I have a similar situation (although inverted). I am the son of a man who is descended from Scots. He was not raised with the kilt or even very much of his Scottish heritage, save what was leftover from the hillfolk of Arkansas and Kentucky.

I discovered my love for my father's heritage relatively late and since he was raised more-or-less with some (regretably there is no other word and I mean this with the UTMOST respect) ignorance regarding his own heritage and ethnic customs it has become a personal quest to revive some of those customs, including but in no way limited kilt-wearing. My mum is in no way Scottish (her roots are English and Cherokee), so there is the occasional raised eyebrow. Dad, although having no interest in donning a kilt of his own, seems to take some mild interest in it.

My sister approves very much. From her perspective, it is part of the beauty of our family's diversity (she and my older brother are very much involved in celebrating our Cherokee roots).
My extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins) are curious and show lots of love and support.
The whole family are all fascinated and impressed with the workmanship and quality of Highland leatherworks and the beauty of tartan.

It's safe to say that the family as a whole is warming up nicely.

Sounds like you need to tell the Cherokee side of your family about Principal Chief John Ross, who was more Scottish than Cherokee. After the Trail of Tears, he raised $200 in the 1840s for Scottish famine relief, given the strong ties between the Scots and Cherokees. There's even a Cherokee tartan.

T.

[ForresterModern]

Sounds like you need to tell the Cherokee side of your family about Principal Chief John Ross, who was more Scottish than Cherokee. After the Trail of Tears, he raised $200 in the 1840s for Scottish famine relief, given the strong ties between the Scots and Cherokees. There's even a Cherokee tartan.

T.

I may have to do the same as I am 1/16th Cherokee (eastern) myself, having a great-great-grandmother named Betty Dove. Your post sent me off to Scotweb to see the Cherokee tartan for myself, and I like it, particularly in Weaver's colours, but also Ancient and Reproduction as shown by Dalgleish's computer generated images. Thanks Todd.