Explaining a tartan

[MacMillans son]

Alan,
What if you just answered "Capercaillie" when asked what clan your tartan represented? If you have time, you could tell them the whole story, but if not, let it go at that and walk on. I suspect most will just think it is their ignorance of an obscure clan that is the source of their confusion.

See you soon

Brooke

[Highlander31]

Alan,
What if you just answered "Capercaillie" when asked what clan your tartan represented? If you have time, you could tell them the whole story, but if not, let it go at that and walk on. I suspect most will just think it is their ignorance of an obscure clan that is the source of their confusion.

See you soon

Brooke

Brooke, I think you just hit the tartan nail on the head. The perfect answer (imho.)
My congratulations, you just earned one ataboy,....9,999 more to earn yourself a free trip to Hawaii.

[Spartan Tartan]

When I do not feel like explaining my district tartan (Cornish or State of Michigan), I just say "yes it is my family tartan". That seems to satisfy their need for an answer and allows me to return my attention to my purpose for being where ever I am .

[Panache]

Them: "What's that tartan?"

Me: "Oh this tartan is (Fill in the blank). Tartans can represent a clan, a military group, a location, even clubs and businesses. I chose this particular tartan because I love the colors and it represents (Fill in the blank) to me. I'm no expert but if you look online for 'Scottish Tartan Authority' you can learn loads about tartans, their histories, and all the different things they can represent. If you will excuse me I have to go find my lovely wife before the break ends. I enjoyed chatting with you. Enjoy the rest of the performance."

Alan,

I've got it down so that I can have a pleasant interaction in less than about 2 minutes and leave the asker informed and thinking well about kilt wearers. Get your "set' explanation down and it's a piece of cake.



Cheers

Jamie

[OC Richard]

I get this sort of thing all the time, because I usually wear my Isle of Skye kilt.

People are attracted to the beautiful colours and always ask "what clan is that?"

I say "it's actually not a clan tartan. It's called Isle of Skye and was invented just a few years ago."

They always seem to be surprised that 1) there's such a thing as a non-clan tartan and 2) new tartans are being invented in modern times.

I can't remember anyone ever questioning my wearing Isle of Skye or saying "why aren't you wearing your family tartan?"

When I'm wearing my Drummond of Perth kilt I do say, when asked, that I'm not named Drummond, that my pipe band issued that kilt to me.

Now if I had an XMarks kilt it would require a bit more explaining... first that the kilt commemorates a web site, and second that the web site is for people to talk about kilts. I'm sure that most people would be amazed on several levels.

[Elf]

However, almost invariably I will get some "expert" who insists I should be wearing a the "clan" tartan since "that is what they wore at Culloden." These people are just too much trouble to talk to.

It reminds me of the old true-ism: Don't ruin a good story with the facts.

In my personal experience, by contrast, most people are quite intrigued to discover that District tartans exist. I do still sympathize with your plight in being distracted from enjoying the event.

[MacLowlife]

There are two kinds of people in the world:
1) the kind who like to explain things and
2)the kind who like to have them explained, or who will listen politely to an explanation.

The surprising lack of enthusiasm for other people's explanation on the part of explainers is not really so complicated- we like to talk- we don't like to listen. For those who like movies and "English humor" consider the recent Steve Coogan - Rob Brydon offering THE TRIP*. They find themselves at the foot of an amazing rock formation and Steve sets out to give Rob the entire Natural History of the place. Rob is having none of it. "Be quiet, I just want to enjoy it." And Steve is baffled "Wouldn't you enjoy it more if you knew about its history?"
"NO. I just want to enjoy it."

So Steve climbs to the top and is standing there, loving the place and sure enoughm, here comes a gent who knows quite a lot about the place. And Steve is not at all interested to hear about prehistoric ice formations,, glacial, flow, etc.

As I say, many of us like to talk, not to listen. We will listen in order to be given a chance to talk some more, but we are just waiting out turn. If a person asks one question, he or she may well simply be polite. If they ask two, they are a good conversationalist. Asking three or four is probably a sign of interest. If your answer takes up more than two sentences, you can generally turn the curious ones into polite ones simply by overwhelming them.

Imagine this scenario:
Person A: Oooh, is that yer family tartan?
Person B: Aye, it's the hunting squeaky . My great grandmother was a wee bit squeaky towards the end there.
Person A: Oh. We had a squeaky dog when I was little
Person B: Yes, and the Squeaky family only recently applied to have their tartan recgonized. You know, there were these two chaps, the Sobieski Stuart brothers. That wasn't really their name. But they called themselves that sometimes. And they entered into an alliance, after a fashion, with the mills, though neither of them actually contacted the other. But it was a conspiracy, nonetheless, if not a classical conspiracy per se. And the aim of their conspiracy was to sell things- to allow people with little or no actual highland connection to gain one by hard work or the careful application of funds- to enjoy the fruits of tartan ecstasy, that is tartanic splendor.
Person A. Oh, splendid, er
Person B So the Squeaky family had this tartan designed
Person A By the er Sobieski gents?
Person B. No, by my brother in law, actually. He has this program on his computer, well actually, it's an app on his smart phone. He designed it himself, it's called Hoots Jimmy where's me Tartan and it allows the user to choose from an array, well, it's more like a grid actually, sort of a menu of tartans.
Person A. I see,
Person B. And the MacSqueakys- they are a sept of the original Squeaky lot you see, a sept being a branch or tributary, a sort of protected affiliate. Well, the Squeakys decided it was time for them to have their own tartan and they wanted something that was totally legit, you know, not made up just to sell fabric, something that reflected their strong love for dirt and wetness, I mean the earth and the waters that cover it.
Person A. Begob, here's me bus
Person B What, here in the Symphony Hall? Will wonders never cease?

Person C. I see you're wearing a tartan kilt, there, me lad.
Person B. Yes, it's the Hunting Squeaky tartan.
Person C. Now would that be fourteen ounce or twelve ?
Person B Oh, it's twelve, you see...
Person C Oh, Twelve is perfectly all right, I suppose, if you are one of those left handed types, grown up elsewhere and come lately to the splendors of tartanacity. You see the Picts chose to divide their calendar into 13 lunar months and they believed that the old ounce- not your newfangled Frenchy Avoir Du Poids ounce or yer corrupt Troy ounce, but yer Celtic ounce, which was the weight of a butterfly's wing upon the shoulder of a faerie toting a cairngorm. You see, that is how they decided the perfect weight of a single thread and if you are using a crofter's loom which always has an odd number of woofs
Person B I think I hear my mother calling.

* Bear in mind- the dialogue from the movie may vary slightly- I am not given to exact memorization. Think of it as a freely associated interpretation within the meaning and spirit of the copyright laws...

[Macman]

I hear you, Alan. When I'm not in the mood to explain things, I don't wear my Clan Chattan tartan. People just don't get it. I'll wear my Mackintosh and it's easy to answer questions if I get any.

[ASinclair]

There are two kinds of people in the world:
1) the kind who like to explain things and
2)the kind who like to have them explained, or who will listen politely to an explanation....

Person D. Why isn't your plaid skirt pleated all the way around?

[Mikilt]

I love questions about the kilt that I am wearing. Especially my X Marks The Scot from Freedom Kilts. (Look! It has pockets!) The first time I wore it to the office, one coworker asked, "Isn't there some family connection to the pattern?"

"Excellent question", I said. I went on to explain that there are many tartans that are worn by different clans, but that mine was a universal tartan and is actually associated with a website called X Marks The Scot.

Nobody looked confused. They just complimented me on looking sharp.