Over doing it

[Grizzly]

Must be about that time mate, any time any place, shall we kilt up this time?

[Father Bill]

Yup. We're watching and pondering.

Now... (Mod hat off while I join the fray - always love a good dust-up!) the question isn't whether you can wear what you want; of course you can! A lot of folks wear some of the weirdest darned creations, and it is their absolute legal right to do so.

The question is not one of legality, but rather, whether or not it is morally generous to wear something that some folks will view as a clown suit when you're going to someone else's special occasion. That's an extreme example, and I use if for extreme clarity, not as a condemnation of any view expressed.

At a more likely and plausible level, the question is whether it is a matter of personal ego and ostentation to overdress. While it might cause no more than a few raised eyebrows, there might be considerable measure of silent miffed feeling, and why would anyone want to take any chance of creating offense? Is one dressing for the joy of the host and hostess or guest of honour, or is it a matter of being a preening peacock? In other words, for whom are you wearing it? For your own joy and ego, or for the joy of others?

That goes in two directions. Most folks wouldn't show up at a funeral or a "nice" garden party in old jeans and a ripped shirt, so why would you show up dressed as a peacock when the focus should logically be on somebody else?

It isn't in any way a question of whether or not you have the right to dress as you will. Of course you do. Absolutely. No argument. The more salient question is whether you are of sufficiently kind and generous spirit to let someone else have the spotlight and to let the hosts &/or guest of honour have the limelight. It's a measure of your heart and spirit, not your wardrobe or taste. In other words, are you being kind to the individuals in question.

For that reason, I honour the OP for wondering and asking, and the answer is that it's almost always kinder, and therefore the mark of a better man, to dress with subdued good taste.

Mod hat back on, & off the soapbox. Let's be cautious with our language.

[TheOfficialBren]

Padre, this^. All of this^.

[S Mitchell]

I guess I'll wade a teeny ways in:

Even inclined as I am (being American) to wear the kilt in less than traditional ways, I still want to know and understand the traditions. I want to make informed choices.

All issues of who-can-wear-what-when aside, I found Jock Scot's comments advising caution when emulating those in the public eye to be very helpful. It never would've occurred to me, but it makes perfect sense. It gives me a bit more context than I previously had.

[creagdhubh]

Provided you are dressed "appropriately", I believe the thing that will set you apart in any occasion is, as you mention yourself, decent quality clothing/accessories- that fit well! (a beautiful sporran can help, as well as a bespoke jacket/waistcoat...but a tailored one will do perfectly well)

And don't underestimate the power of a good shoe-shine!

Cheers,

Michael

Aye, well said. More often than not it's the "little things" that make all the difference in the world.

[Nathan]

I have to say that this thread has been most informative thus far. As suspected in my OP, I think this discussion has demonstrated that not all black tie events are created equal. It would seem to me that the local kilt outfitter was quite correct in his advice to me that a black tie event such as this, where the ladies are dressed down by comparison, would not be the ideal place for one's most ornate or unique attire.

I have decided I will not be wearing the Balmoral doublet for this event, although if another made the decision to do so, I would not call their choice incorrect. Incidentally, I don't think this is a question of confidence. I'm aware that I could wear it with confidence and have a fine evening. I have done and will do again.

Although outnumbered, I think the instincts of Jock, Grizzly and others are correct in this case. It remains to be seen what I will choose and what I will do to put my own subtle spin on it, but in my view, the Balmoral doublet is not the best of my available options for this event.

The broader questions that are being discussed in the thread are, I think, of greater value than the singular wardrobe choice of one member, for one event.

Thanks to Father Bill for reminding a natural showman about the grace involved with letting someone else have the bulk of the limelight.

I'll try to make some photos happen.

When to wear what is a subject that I'm sure will continue to hold our attention and provoke a healthy debate. As always, there is and will be a diversity of opinion and approaches here on xmarks and I hope that never changes.

[S Mitchell]

I have to say that this thread has been most informative thus far. As suspected in my OP, I think this discussion has demonstrated that not all black tie events are created equal. It would seem to me that the local kilt outfitter was quite correct in his advice to me that a black tie event such as this, where the ladies are dressed down by comparison, would not be the ideal place for one's most ornate or unique attire . . .

Along those lines, because the kilt alone often garners so much attention, I always consider my wife's level of dress when deciding what I'll wear. I never want to upstage her!

I also agree it's just simple good manners to consider the hosts' desire and to dress accordingly. Having said that, though, this new year's eve, my wife and I dressed way above the average for the party we attended (although we weren't the only ones dressed up) because it was fun and because the hosts were long time friends and we knew they wouldn't be offended but, rather, would enjoy the display and be flattered we made the effort.

[Grizzly]

Well done that man!

I have enjoyed this thread enormously, it has been very interesting to see the range of views displayed. I am sure that you will indeed look very sharp, as you always do and no doubt your attire will shine out because of the confidence you exude. I look forward to the pictures. Have a great time Nathan.

[creagdhubh]

When to wear what is a subject that I'm sure will continue to hold our attention and provoke a healthy debate. As always, there is and will be a diversity of opinion and approaches here on xmarks and I hope that never changes.

Well said, and I hope that never changes as well, Nathan. Enjoy.

Cheers,

[MacLowlife]

AHEM, IS THIS THING ON?

Just checking.

I am going to TRY to synthesize the two schools here.

One says "Go with what is instinctive." This is a little like the Blues- If I have to explain it, you won't understand. I believe everyone is trying to be nice, to be useful and to be respectful, but you can't teach instinct. I recently heard the phrase "Caught, not taught." The problem is, many of us really want to learn and we didn't catch it as children.

The second is "Get this thing honed to perfection, whether that is brilliant or subtle- just refine it to the point where you couldn't do any better. On the surface, this sounds like "Go all out" but I think the subtler message is WORK all out, but present perfection, whether it is subtle, shiny, amazing,or just quietly stunning.

Here is the thing: a person might be famous or he might not. He might be rich or he might be poor. But if he has charisma, presence, gravitas, "it", whatever you may call it, he is going to look better than anyone else. Not only that, he is going to "carry off" whatever he is wearing better than anyone else, be it shabby or sparkly.

But these discussions seem to be aimed at something else. Not that Nathan is less charismatic, I would not wish to imply that. But I think Nathan is looking for some insurance, some little talisman of charm that will carry him through just in case he forgets to charge his charisma before setting out. He wants to look like Cary Grant or Fred Astaire. He knows that whatever they wear, people will praise them ( especially, seeing as how they are dead, people wil be in awe of their earthly resurrection) but I digress, too.

Sean Connery is mentioned from time to time. He dresses, um WRONG. But nobody really minds,because he is Sean Connery. And he looks great doing it. Nathan is not. Nathan wants ( I presume to believe) to look really good. If he goes to Scotland, he will need to Be Careful the First Time, so that he does not become That American. He needs to be careful the second time, too, making sure he has not chosen to emulate Crazy Cousin Willie, Who Wears those Ridiculous Outfits. But somehow, he wants to be That Guy Who Just Looks Good- Even if You Can't Put Your Finger On Why.

And, when he is in Canada ( sorry, Nathan, I made you a temporary American Citizen, but so might several Scots) Natan wants all of the above, without the advantage of all of those other great looking local kilted gents.

And so he comes to us, his friends and advisors. And I for one, have nothing to add. I am sorry to let you down Nathan. I am afraid you have surpassed me. You have a bundle of great ideas and you have been given more advice than one man can assimilate, even if it is mostly inconsistent.But you will look great ( already did?) I am sure. And the rest of us have had fun kicking around your questions.

I do not mean to step on toes, I do not speak for anyone but myself. I think some of the above discourse can be blamed on the lack of a tone of voice button and some of it can be credited to generosity and largeness of spirit. We contain multitudes and if they are well dressed multitudes, so be it. If they are overdressed ones, remember, he is Our Dear Cousin and we love him just the same.