Dealing with objections

[beloitpiper]

In my family, my father is the Scot, but my mom is 100% German....and she doesn't get it. My father is very much in support of my bagpipes, kilts, the whole thing, but my mom is not as tolerant. She doesn't like it when I wear a kilt casually, and she's not too fond of the pipes either. I've told her all about the Clan and the history on my father's side, but she just flat out doesn't like it.

She claims it embarasses her in front of her friends, saying "I don't wear a durndel when your friends are around!!" to which I reply "Go right ahead, the only person that is stopping you is yourself." I would apologize, but for me a kilt is not a mere piece of clothing. It is a memorial and testament to my family. I would hope that she, and anybody else would respect and appreciate that.

And guess what? If I'm going to pay $600 for an article of clothing, I'm damn well going to wear it whenever I want! I'm not going to let it be eaten my moths, I'm going to show it off! It's her problem if she doesn't like it, but I'm not going to compromise myself and my heritage for her personal tastes.

...by the way, I offered to wear leiderhosen, but she said that was out of the question. :rolleyes: Looks like I just can't win!

[O'Neille]

My Mom totally supports my kiltedness and my Dad is buying my O'Neill kilt as a graduation gift. I'm not sure about what my Daughters"s relatives on her Mother's side think, I've never paid much attention. Usually around them I'm just a little oblivious anyway. O'Neille

[efer]

You have had some great advice offered.

Remember that it's your wife that will get put in the middle of this "objection" more than anyone else.

Best of luck

[Kilted KT]

In my family, my father is the Scot, but my mom is 100% German....and she doesn't get it. My father is very much in support of my bagpipes, kilts, the whole thing, but my mom is not as tolerant. She doesn't like it when I wear a kilt casually, and she's not too fond of the pipes either. I've told her all about the Clan and the history on my father's side, but she just flat out doesn't like it.

She claims it embarasses her in front of her friends, saying "I don't wear a durndel when your friends are around!!" to which I reply "Go right ahead, the only person that is stopping you is yourself." I would apologize, but for me a kilt is not a mere piece of clothing. It is a memorial and testament to my family. I would hope that she, and anybody else would respect and appreciate that.

And guess what? If I'm going to pay $600 for an article of clothing, I'm damn well going to wear it whenever I want! I'm not going to let it be eaten my moths, I'm going to show it off! It's her problem if she doesn't like it, but I'm not going to compromise myself and my heritage for her personal tastes.

...by the way, I offered to wear leiderhosen, but she said that was out of the question. :rolleyes: Looks like I just can't win!

I'm of the same opinion... if you are going to spend the kind of money it takes to buy a proper kilt, then go ahead and wear it. My wife falls into that category where she would rather see conformity than individuality, where I am the polar opposite. I wear the kilt at every possible opportunity, both for my self and my heritage. Once I get my argyll jacket, I'll wear it everywhere!

As for a few of the other comments, the saturation approach works best form what I've seen. The more people see that you are going to wear the kilt, the less likely they will be to say anything about it as time goes on.

Whatever you do, don't give in a replace your kilt with pants or some other non-kilted whatchamathingy!!!

[Schultz]

I've always been "the weird one" in my family, from my days of multicolored hair and leather and spikes, through boots and braces, and now the kilt. It's almost expected of me.

My parents know better than to say anything to me. I know my father thinks its daft, but he keeps his mouth shut because he's always said, "I don't give a damn what you do after you turn 21 so long as its not criminal." My mother can't believe I wear it out in public all the time, but that's just because she still thinks I care about what other people think. She does, however, get excited when I finish making a new kilt because I'm the only one of her children who's really taken after her in the sewing department and she's quite amazed I do it all by hand.

My 16 year old neice already thinks I'm totally strange so wearing a kilt, for her, is just par of the course. My 10 year old nephew, however, is a bit hostile to it, but that's because he's a total conformist just like his dad (my brother). For him, it's okay for a Scotsman to wear one (and by Scotsman, he means someone born and raised in Scotland), but not okay for his uncle to wear one. He and I usually give each other wide berth, but that's because I think he's a brat and don't put up with any of his antics/tantrums and he knows it.

Ironically enough, my in-laws are the most supportive. For those of you who remember, my mother-in-law wasn't the most accepting of my wearing of the kilt at the wedding, but she has come around. Her only comment in recent months has been, "What, doesn't she let you wear pants anymore?" and that was said in an obvious light-hearted manner. They ask questions about it and accept the answers at face value.

I think one of the key factors in getting family who aren't receptive to casual kilt wearing to accept it is to remain as non-defensive as possible. Wearing a kilt must become a matter of fact, so to speak, and being defensive about it can lead to arguments, animosity, and resentment. Keep yourself, at least, cool and just be who you are.

[KiltedPilot]

You cant reason someone out of a position they didnt reason themselves into.

I like that. I like it very much.

[KiltWearingIrishHooligan]

I suppose I have an somewhat unique problem with family. My parents get a kick out of me wearing a kilt and are quite proud(mom is Scotch/Irish dad: Irish). The only problem lies in my grandparents, and other family(mind you, they are Scotch-Irish as well). They for some reason associate all things Scottish or Irish with something bad, therefore they give me constant grief about it. Apparently to them being of Celtic ancestory is something to be ashamed of. Any suggestions on trying to swing them to my side on this issue anyone? Its most likely pointless, but I can always try.

Slainte leat,

Heaston McLloyd

[jfellrath]

My wife bought me three of my five kilts so obviously I don't have a problem from that end. My parents have always wondered about me anyway, so they don't say anything, they just admire whatever kilt I'm wearing when I see them.

My mother-in-law thinks it's great, she actually has bought me kilt hose, flashes, a kilt shirt, etc. My father-in-law doesn't care, and doesn't say anything.

My brothers don't care either, though one likes to give me a hard time about it sometimes (he and I have a history of friendly smack so it's not really that big a deal). He's the one who asked me why I was wearing "that goofy thing" and I told him that "some of us need the extra room." I then looked at his jeans and said "you must not." He smirked a bit and shut up.

My sister is the only one who's been hostile toward it... and most of that revolved around her wedding. I think she was afraid I was going to wear my original Utilikilt to her wedding (I wasn't IN the wedding) and she told me that she didn't want me to wear it. I wasn't planning to, but being one who likes to poke at people's psyches a bit, I asked why! You could tell that she'd thought it out a bit, and she told me immediately that "it's a casual kilt, not a formal one. And this is my wedding." So my wife asked whether it'd be okay to wear a kilt if it was formal, a real tartan kilt. My sister said yes... never thinking I'd actually do that. And then she promptly figured that the matter was settled.... (It was assumed that she didn't want me stealing the thunder from her, picture-wise)

Silly girl.

My wife then bought me my Clark Ancient. As soon as my sister heard that I had that and was planning on wearing it, she called my mother. My mother, who knew the whole story, said "but... you said it was okay if it was a real kilt." So that went back and forth for a while until the condition was put on me that I had to be non-regimental, as she didn't want my "bum and dangly bits hanging out." So I ended up having to wear underwear, and my wife even inspected me before walking out to the ceremony to make sure I was in compliance.

(Ironically, no one really noticed me as much as they did my five-month old son, who is cute as the dickens and attracted more camera attention than anyone else AT the wedding).

Sis is the one in the family who worries the most about things being out of place, and to her a kilt is out of place if it's not in a pipe band or at a festival (or in Scotland).

Anyway, my point of view on this stuff is that when people ask me why I wear kilts, I don't go into a lot of detail about family history, health, built-in air conditioning, etc. I just tell them "I like it." And let it go at that. The best response for such problems is simple self-confidence.

[pbpersson]

Kilts have for hundreds of years been a male garment. Long ago they were worn by men in casual everyday settings. The kilt is just enjoying a revival in the 21st century as men re-discover how comfortable they are.

It's just that simple, there's no mystery or grand truth to it.

This is not a HUGE and SHOCKING event like women suddenly in the 1950's deciding to wear pants which women NEVER in the history of the world ever wore before.

Kilts are more comfortable and they're fun and what good is being here on the earth if we can't a little fun while we are alive?

That's my point of view for what it's worth.

I don't have parents, or a wife or brothers or sisters or a girlfriend to persuade though.

[GTRMAN]

First, please allow me to further define my question / topic: for me, this is more of an anticipatory strike, rather than coping with an existing situation... but I thought I'd ask and see if a) it's been discussed before, or b) someone has already had to deal with this situation.

Essentially, my (new) wife has informed me that while she's fine with me wearing a kilt casually (and formally, of course), my new in-laws probably won't understand why anyone would voluntarily wear a kilt without a formal occasion to attend (ie: casually). My wife believes that her family are too "conformist" ("socially conditioned", "narrow minded", etc - feel free to use the term you prefer most ) to understand or acknowledge any motivation to wear a kilt in a casual situation.

My question is this: has anyone encountered family members who (for whatever reason) are unwilling to attempt to understand why a guy would opt for a kilt over more "normal" bifurcated clothing? How did you deal with this "active ignorance"?

cheers

Hachiman

My mother and grandmother have both commented on the kilt in a "less than positive manner". Neither like them, actually. My mother thinks it's just "weird". My grandmother thinks I'm just refusing to "grow up".

I just laugh and let it roll off my back. I know that I like wearing kilts and I feel most comfortable in them. The women also love them which is a huge ego boost to me.