Next night out, I'll give him a few tips on girls. Namely, run away as fast as you can.
Dread, you say that and I've seen you make kissy faces at your lovely wife. (not that I blame you) but how is the boy going to take you seriously?

I suggest you begin to drink heavily
Excellent suggestion!

Hope he ends up with a good woman who knows how to cook.
My son actually cooks and tends to be the type of person that prefers to spoil someone else.

be lucky he wasn't wearing a kilt.
I think he honestly considered it.