Girlfriend Problems

[ozone]

LOL Cossack...we all needed a good laugh in this otherwise serious-sounding discussion.

Ron's got a great point about ministers....I dont goto church so I forget that they can be a very valuable and helpful resource.

[jordanjm]

Don't forget that local ministers might be willing to counsel you as a couple. Many are well trained and quite good.

And, no, not all insist you be members of their church....

Just another option.

This too will pass.

Ron

This is a VERY good idea. I would suggest looking into this one. There are many who will help you.

[staticsan]

I've said before that I have had several reminders that we know so much more about kilts than most people do. And it is easy to forget this! I, too, have encountered the idea that kilt == tartan == some Scottish inclination, reason, event or whatever. It was awareness of this reasoning that led me to show my parents my tartan kilt, rather than my camo kilt (which they still don't know about...). Their generally cool reaction amply justified my decision.

Wade.

[Alan H]

Kilts are nice. I really like mine.

But mate...this is your CHILD, here. Let's get things in perspective.. Try a tartan kilt or two, but for heavens sake don't make your child be fatherless over Kilts.

If there are other issues with your girlfriend, then that's a problem and it needs addressing, and yes she may be a bundle ofemotions because she's pregnant. But dude, there's a KID at stake here. Your responsibility to your KID outweighs your choice in fashion statements.

[Sean_the_Kilted]

As the husband of a currently pregnant wife, I know what you are going through. Pregnant women have all kinds of hormones that can make their moods and judgement swing wildly. Sometimes there is nothing you can say that is right. Learn when those times are and give up arguing. Depending on how far along she is, she is gaining weight and is probably feeling insecure about her looks. You wearing a kilt and having more people look in your direction ,when you are out together , is probably making her feel more insecure even if its you and not her they are looking at. Complement her on her looks and assure her that she is still as sexy as she was before becoming pregnant. If she is less insecure, she might be more willing to go out in public with you kilted. Also I agree with everyone else that you might want to try a tartan kilt versus your current solid color one.

[CameronTaylor]

Affirmative!! Hormones are way out of kilter..

Now that's funny ... considering this forum ....


CT - the Cali is a nice tartan

[furrycelt]

i didn't elaborate like i wanted in my previous post. so forgive my soap-boxing....

relationships, especially between male and female, are possibly the most difficult work most people will ever take on in their lives. i cite the divorce rate and popularity of work-aholics as tepid proof. if both of you put in the work (and it has to be both), both of you will more than likely end up quite happy with each other and that will definitely benefit your child. but even the best intentions can be derailed by inside and outside forces.

she is pregnant, and yes there are hormones involved. but more than that, she is scared. she is feeling plenty of other emotions, but fear is one of them. we humans don't do so well as a rule when we are afraid. we need to be in control of things for our general happiness, and fear makes us acutely aware of the fact that we control very little in life.

i suspect that her disagreeing with your kilt wearing is a way of her asserting control, which in turn is her way of assuaging her fear. and i suspect that driving this motive is her since of gender roles. more than boyfriend you are now the father-to-be of her child-to-be. so i am sure her sense of gender roles is on her mind. and our society has a rather strict dress code for men/dads.

despite our need or want of control we do not have the right to control another (context: marriage like relationship). so it is flat wrong of her to dictate what you wear.

yet, my wife made a point not all that long ago. me wearing kilts in public with her has a direct effect on her. i get looks and stares and comments; and so does she as the women with that guy. those make her uncomfortable; therefore i should cease and desist. it is a valid point. if your actions effect another; then you have to take responsibility for those actions.

and so with that, i made a compromise. on those days when she just wasn't emotionally up for the onslaught of eyeballs; i would wear {shudder} pants. i did let her know what it did to me; as her request also has a consequence. i met her half-way. over time i was able to ween her off pants altogether. she realized over time that it really isn't that big a deal in public, and that sometimes what the public thinks doesn't mean jack-sh... i mean jack-poop.

so is her request is about control, but is it about control for the sake of control? is there a better motive behind it? Or a wee bit of both?

and the bad news is that there is little you can do. you are in the worst position to correct her issues. i'll take advice and admonishments from friends easier than my wife (i'm better about this now, for the record). i guess it is that we do not want to be judged (or feel like we are being judged) by someone who we are so vulnerable to, so intimate with. so you have to be extra careful and deliberate and thoughtful when trying to guide her in such matters. for example, you need to somehow convey to her that it is not fair or good for the relationship for her to hit you with "talks and talks and talks and will bring up 2, 3, 4 topics in the same breath." that sort of thing is a defense mechanism on her part. my wife used to do that to me too. it would just get me so irate and frustrated, that i would just throw my hands up and mentally bailout. and so nothing good was accomplished. what i did to get past that was to either doggedly stay on the primary topic ignoring and not reacting to other topics, OR calmly and politely asking that we stay on one topic at a time. say that you understand her need to discuss ABC, but right now you need to finish with DEF first.

now i realize that i have not really met you, and i have definitely not met her in any sense; so i did compose the above on some assumptions. so consult your doctor before taking this medication. and if you are wondering where all this comes from, i simply have a love and fascination with the psychological arts. that, and i have been thru marriage counseling and thru my own counseling. so take with salt as i am not a professional in this stuff at all.

i do wish yall the best, and let us know if the ultrasound shows wee lass or wee lad.

[benkilt]

I am married with four children, since buying my first kilt recently, a birthday present to myself, my wife is convinced I'm a cross dressing, closet exiting weirdo! She recently asked if 'I enjoyed wearing a skirt?'
So, wear your kilt and smile at the ignorance of others would be my advice. It's only life, nothing too serious after all.

[crboltz]

Surprisingly, my boyfriend (I gues I should say fiencee) has taken to kilts much more than I expected. he thought I was weird for wanting to wear one -- but he never told me not to. Then he asked me to make him one -- then a second. He wears the denim one I made for Christmas a lot apparently (we live in seperate cities at the moment so I never get to see it). And he wore a black wool formalish kilt I built him to a wedding last weekend -- which made the brides day, until the groom asked why he couldn't have worn his kilt to the wedding. He also got a bunch of comments from others saying if they knew he was going to wear a kilt they would have too. We might have a lot of kilts at our wedding (other than the 6 I'm building for the wedding party)
Cheers
Chris

[Erisianmonkey]

I wouldn't leave her and your child-to-be over this-as such. You do need to determine, however, if this is truly just over the kilt or if there is a deeper something going on. If it is just over the kilt, it can be worked out, and most likely worked out in a way where you can still wear a kilt. If it is a deeper issue, like a control or trust issue, that needs to be dealt with first, and will probably take the kilt issue along with it. If that deeper issue cannot be worked out, there are means where you can still be a dad to your child while not being chained to a mom with problems. For your, her, and your bairn's sake, I hope it is just the kilt because all that would really need to be done is to show her that it really is a man's garment. (As others have suggested, show her some of the pics on this board.) Good luck, and remember that while you have a responsibility to your unborn child, your responsibility to yourself and your own mental and physical health is a large part of that.