Quote Originally Posted by The Wizard of BC View Post
Hamish, Please don't worry. After hosting Kilt Kamp I can assure you that a rabble of X Marks Kilties descending on your home is no imposition at all.
Many thanks Steve for your consoling words. They bring me much comfort!!

I have found your home on Google Earth and your street will easily hold 100 parked cars. Your yard will accommodate at least 30 tents. (I've got dibs on the arch way trellis for my cot.) And I can promise you we won't eat that much.
Wow! That's a new view provided by Google Earth. Previously my 'croft' was hidden from sight by trees, and the definition was very poor. Thank you for drawing my attention to it. My wee property is on the southern corner of Hillside Road at its junction with Water Lane (which is still under the trees!). It is a bungalow and much of what you see is the double garage - not the living quarters! I can see I am going to have to speak VERY nicely indeed to my neighbours as we have an unwritten rule that we do not park cars in front of other properties - I have been known to stick rude notes on windscreens when strangers have parked in front of my windows (and I am not the only one!).

There will be no camping in my garden! Oh, and I suspect you're looking at the wrong house - I have no arch way trellis!!!

(As an added bonus you should have enough leather left over from the 3 cows needed for the campfire barbeque for Robert to make about 6 more R-Kilts.)
And another thing: I am afraid there will not be a barbeque. That is not on the agenda at all. Personally, I cannot abide barbequed food, and the smell emanating from those contraptions is unadulterated pollution, to my mind!! Barbeques are not done in this vicinity. Besides, this is sheep country, not cattle ranching.

I'm also positive that the residents of your lovely town could not possibly object to 100 or more kilts strolling their streets around midnight after the nightly pub crawls. Just remind them when they bang on your door how much increased revenue you have brought to the local economy via the liquor sales.
That is why I would not dream of taking anyone into the pubs in Storrington! I believe we have two, both of which are pretty grim; I never patronise them. My leanings are always to the pubs a few miles away, in the country - much better atmosphere and probably better ale! Oh, and less likely to be frequented by yobs!

I do suggest however that you post large signs on your closet doors stating that visitors must wash all chocolate and bar-b-que sauce from their hands prior to fondling your Kilt Kollection.
The rooms kontaining the kilt kollection will be locked (there are already bars at the windows), and admission will be by invitation only!

I for one would never dream of banging my spoon on the rim and chipping your tea cups. And I have assurances from all attending that we will strictly enforce a "no piping after 1am" rule.
Tea cups? You think, Steve, that I will be permitting my tea cups to be used at such a time. Plastic pic-nic mugs and paper beakers will be issued to attendees on the first day, and it will be their responsibility to hang on to them for the weekend. I am pleased to hear of the assurances regarding piping - some of my neighbours retire for the night between 9.30 and 10.00 pm and I'd hate for them to be disturbed. (You think I am joking?)

So, dear Hamish, sit back, relax, and bask in the waves of admiration and allow the adoration to waft over you like ripples on a pond after someone has tossed a cement block into it.
I will leave a large bottle of extra-strength aspirin on your table as I leave.
Hmmmn! I am seriously thinking of calling the whole thing off or, at least, restricting numbers to half-a-dozen or so. The most I have ever had here was about eight, and even then we spilled out into the garden, into the rain, hail and snow!

I am off to Scotland until next Tuesday, after which I will be away for the Harpenden Highland Gathering. In the meantime, I must make some difficult decisions, I think.