I have a vaguely similar situation with a friend who simply cannot accept the kilt. She sees it as "cross dressing with an excuse" and it seems that part of her problem is that she can't stop her mind from wandering to somewhere under the kilt. I'm not saying this is the problem here, I don't have enough info to make any determination like that.

Anyway, the problem in my case stemmed from the fact that she was uncomfortable, and it put a strain on our friendship. I did not let her stop me from wearing the kilt, but I also tried to remain sensitive to her discomfort, and didn't rub it in her face either. And at the same time, I told her just how pissed off I was about the way she had been treating me.

Things have recently gotten better. Part of this is probably because she is gradually getting used to the kilt, but more of it has to do with the fact that I have done several very nice, selfless things for her, and I have been there for her when she was having a hard time, despite the fact that she knows that I am still quite mad and feel betrayed. We aren't out of the woods yet, but things are looking up.

So my advice to you is a bit complicated. To know exactly how to react requires an understanding of the problem. You know her better than I do obviously, so ask yourself, is she acting like the kilt is funny? Gross or disturbing? A sign of schizophrenia? Just plain odd? Or does this in some way match a pattern of behavior that just hasn't been focused on you before, such as gossip?

The big question is, does the kilt offend her in some way, or is she fairly neutral and just being weird or insensitive? If she finds the kilt to be unpleasant, than while you must not let her control you, you should also be sensitive to her. You may very well be causing her as much discomfort as she is causing for you. In that case you will probably want to find the root of the problem, and while you may be able to help by explaining certain things such as cultural issues and comfort (if she is ok with rather crass descriptions, it can go a long way to be as blunt and detailed as possible about the effects of bifurcation on dangly parts), her problem is almost certainly irrational in nature, and will probably not be solved through reason alone. Changing irrational attitudes takes time and patience.

If she is not really uncomfortable with the kilt however, then she is just being cruel and insensitive. If that is the case, a stronger response may be needed. A firm "cut the crap" kind of attitude should let her know that this is unacceptable and that you expect that if she is any kind of a friend she will be a bit more respectful in the future.

In either case I recommend wearing the kilt with pride (though not necessarily to her party, that's a judgment call I can't make for you) but not making it the center of attention. It can be a hard line to walk, but it gets easier with time. Essentially wear the kilt like you would any pair of pants and don't give it another thought. But when attacked, be strong and proud in your glorious kilt. Don't let them get to you, you're the one with the balls to wear what you want.

And if she is really bugging you, calling her on it. Whether this takes the form of a private, oprahesque conversation about your feelings, a simple "shut it or I'll kick your teeth in" or anything in between depends on your personalities and the nature of your relationship. However you go about it though, make sure she understands that you don't like what she is doing, and that she is harming your friendship with her insensitive remarks. Don't be a jerk, but remain firm and clear about how you expect your friends to treat you.

In the end it all comes down to respect. They don't have to like the kilt. They don't have to accept the kilt. But they do have to respect you, and that is incompatible with the kind of behavior you have described.

And that cuts both ways. You don't have to like their opinion, or obey it in anyway, but you may have to accept that they (for whatever reason) have trouble coping with your new clothing choice, and out of respect for them, show a bit of tact. It sucks, but it may be the reality of the situation.