Mad as hell!

[DireStraitsFan]

Okay, I need all of your advise. And please, before you post something hasty, put yourself in my shoes and answer honestly.

I've briefly mentioned this in another thread, but didn't elaborate on it. The problem has since re-surfaced and I would like to hear what you all would do in my place.

A few months ago I wore my Green Standard Utilikilt out to have a beer with an old high school buddy (all of my best friends are still my high school friends) in the middle of the week (Let's call him Jim). He sarcastically asked if I was wearing a skirt, and I laughed along with him. Nothing more was said the entire night about it. I expect a little ribbing from the guy friends. It's in good fun.

Well, a few weeks later we all got together (high school friends and significant others) over dinner. Jim was there with his wife (also a high school friend, call her Sonya), and she brought up the fact that I had worn a "skirt" out for beers. Sonya has been one of my BEST friends since my senior year of high school (I am in my 30's now). In fact she was the friend of a girl I dated and when things went badly she chose my friendship over her girlfriend (had to do with some very nasty things she did to me). I have always felt very loyal to her, and she has since always looked out for me. Consequently we have been very good friends.

Back to the dinner. She WOULD NOT LET IT GO. She kept going on and on about how she couldn't believe that I would wear something like that. She literally seemed upset about it.

Well, I wore my Royal Stewart SWK Standard and accoutrements out for beers again a few weeks ago. Jim was there and apparently told her about it. So, I find out through another one of our friends (call her Jess) that Sonya had gone on and on about my last kilt outing over wine with other friends from our group. Jess said that Sonya would not shut up about it. She kept saying "I just don't understand it". She said that she told Sonya it was nothing for her to worry about and that he (me) likes to wear it, it means something to him (me), and it should not be something that she (Sonya) should have to worry about. But she still went on and on about it. Jess (who is the mother of my son by the way) commented that our son has a kilt and he likes to wear it too, and one of the other girls asked "Don't you want your son to have any friends?"

I am floored by all of this. I am attending Sonya's birthday party in a few weeks, and I don't really know how I will react to her. Sonya, her mother, and her sister have always treated me like family. But I find myself questioning our friendship after these incidents. I don't want to blow up at her, and I don't want to give up the friendship over a garment. But I also do not like being made to feel like a freak for wearing something that is quite normal to me. I don't like attention. I have only worn the kilt out of special events (celtic fest, renfest, or highland games) 3 times because of this. I don't like the attention that it draws. That is not why I wear it. I wish that it was more accepted so people would see a garment like jeans, instead of something that is strange and abnormal. But I refuse to not wear it just because society is so ignorant. I will not have my lifestyle dictated to me by a bunch of sheep.

So, the question is: how would you handle this situation? Please think out your answer. If you are just going to say "To hell with her, you don't need her", then please do not post at all. She is part of a large network of the oldest friends I have, and I cannot simply say "To hell with you". I am eager to hear any and all well thought, sensible responses.

Thank you. And sorry for the long post, but I was really, really off when I found out about all of this.

Peace.

[cessna152towser]

A rather puzzling reaction; after all you wearing a kilt is just the same as her wearing jeans; its just a garment choice. Jess seems to be a true friend who can maybe get through to Sonya that your clothing choice just isn't an issue that should concern her. I think you need Jess and a few like minded friends to work on her and eventually convnce her that any problem with your kilts its entirely in her own mind. Meantime I wouldn't lose the valued friendship of Sonya, her sister and mother. I wonder if her sister and her mother perhaps have more empathy with your kilt wearing and may be able to persuade Sonya not to let it trouble her. As a general rule I'd say dress how you choose in what makes you feel comfortable, but it might be tactful to wear trousers to go to Sonya's party, rather than giving her the opportunity to make an issue of your attire at the party and make you the centre of attention rather than her. Just my two pence worth.

[DireStraitsFan]

As a general rule I'd say dress how you choose in what makes you feel comfortable, but it might be tactful to wear trousers to go to Sonya's party, rather than giving her the opportunity to make an issue of your attire at the party and make you the centre of attention rather than her. Just my two pence worth.

Completely agree with that! Thanks for replying.

To be honest, the guys have been much easier going about it than she has been. Odd.

[O'Neille]

Ride with the tide. You can't stop it. Old friends sometimes have a sense of self derived from their perceptions of their friends. You have changed her perception of you and therefore she may be experiencing some self confidence issues herself. In essence she still perceives you as a member of her high school clique. You are now a non-conformist and things have changed. Let us know how things work out. O'Neille

[Thunderbolt]

Give us her email address....

In another thread, we were discussing this very sort of thing. The consensus seems to be to educate the ignorant, IF you think they can be educated.

Sit her down, over a cup of tea and explain the situation to her, but only if you think it will sink in.

Many people react with adversity when there is something facing them that they don't understand.

She may not understand that a kilt is perfectly normal wear for a man. I don't have to list here all of the cultures that see them as normal, except Americans. She is the one, in the long run, with the odd point of view.

But remember this; YOU do not need her approval to wear a kilt. Keep wearing it. She will either get used to it or she will choose to ignore it.

T.

[Nighthawk]

I have found this web page to be very useful in dealing with problems like this. http://www.kiltmen.com/world.htm It sounds like your friend is just not very cultured on the subject. This should help you to enlighten her. Nearly every culture has them. Good luck.

[Nighthawk]

And one more thing- here's a link to a lot of photos of famous men in kilts.

http://www.kiltmen.com/photogallery4.htm

My personal favorite (as I'm a fan of the guy) Vin Diesel- http://www.kiltmen.com/celeb-vin-diesel.JPG This is one of the least feminine men on the face of the planet I think.

[Nighthawk]

OH YEAH!! One MORE thing (I know- edit a previous post). Every single branch of the US military has it's own tartan. The US Marine Corps has a pipe band that wear kilts. Last I checked the Marine are not really all that girly. Have her correct me on that if I'm wrong.

[Colin]

It sounds like she is confusing a kilt with some othe rideas in her mind. I get the impression that she is the one that is uncomfortable with you stepping out of the norm. She is likely worried about how people will react to you. Explain that it's a kilt. A man's garment. It's not an evening gown and high heels nor is it lepercy

[Rex_Tremende]

... She is likely worried about how people will react to you. ...

Somehow I get the impression that she is more worried about how people will react to her if she is seen to accept you in the kilt.

There are parallels here to other sorts of personal disclosures. There may eventually be a choosing of sides. Before that becomes necessary, I would do as others have suggested, which is to sit down and level with her. Seek to listen first. What are her concerns? Can you answer them?

In the end, she has a three choices: ignore it, accept it, embrace it. Let her decide= which she will choose, because if she chooses to reject it, she rejects you.

Do keep us posted.

Regards,
Rex.