Nor Cal Rabble's Burns Night Speeches and Toasts

[Panache]

Monkey @ Arms and the The F-H.C.A.G. gave this combined version of the Toast to the Lassies and the Lassies response.

The Gentleman's parts are in blue
The lady's parts are in red


Toast to the Lassies and Lassies Response

A Toast to the Lassies I will warmly proffer
A Lassies Reply I will coldly offer
For Man’s woes, woman’s gentle love is both balm and buffer
While man’s love is another little inconvenience that we suffer

Of Woman’s gentle virtues let me sing
Of men’s countless failings I’ll begin
Their softness like a butterfly’s wing…
…While our words are like a scorpion’s sting !

Oh the soft touch of your dainty hands
Oh the consequences for ignoring our commands!
To you we confide, no one else understands
Men are easy to comprehend, it’s just a matter of glands

On this eve of good company, food, and drink…
…Is the perfect time to tell you exactly what we think!
Please take her words of jest with a smile and wink
A jest? You mean like wearing a kilt in pink?

Both laugh

Poetry (and toasts) should have both beauty and truth
Our strengths we’ll defend with nail and tooth
Honesty and respect grow long past the bloom of youth
Though comments on our age are always uncouth!

Ladies, no longer on a pedestal shall you I place
We Lassies do require a bit more space
Your gentleness and ferocity both, man must embrace
For we smile and snarl with the same face

So a Toast to the Lassies let me give
Our virtues and vices do not attempt to sieve
To their strength, fire, grace, and ability to forgive!
And If you are lucky we’ll let you live

Written by Panache January 2008