Well, after contatcing the Celtic Croft and determining what measurements they need, I have made arrangements with them to return the mis-fitting Kilt and getting another sent tome. Those folks are extremely helpful.

and on to the threadjack . . .

Smithwick's Swell
Hart Hump
Draft Dunlap
Erdinger Excess
Corona Chunk
Bell's Bloat
Heineken Hiney
Skull Spliiter's Supplement