Wedding Attire

[Alan H]

Yeti, there sure is a lot of ranting about what is and is not "proper" in this thread.

On our own forum, not so long ago, there is a picture thread written by the father of the bride. The groom had orange hair (I think) several tattoos and wore a black utilikilt, a black rock & roll band t-shirt, and black assault boots. At a wedding like that, if Yeti wanted to wear a Great Kilt, what's the problem?

I've been to a Ren Faire-type wedding where the bride a groom and most of the guestswore "Faire-garb". If it's a wedding like that, then what's the problem with a Great Kilt?

I've been to a "pagan handfasting"...and while I have no comment on the religious implications of such the guests wore everything from Ren Faire garb to contemporary semi-casual clothes. The Great Kilt would have been just fine at this ceremony, and in fact the argyll with waistcoat would have stood out.

So while some of us have more traditional tastes, we should remember that not EVERYBODY has the same taste. "Every man should own a suit". ??? I don't own a suit. I own two-three sportcoats/slacks combinations and now a tweed kilt jacket (another one in the works) but I do not own a "suit". I have no need to wear one, here in California.

Yeti, I would tell the bride and groom what you had planned and show them a picture of something similar and then ask their opinion. IF you get an outright "no", or if you pick up negative "vibes", then opt for something more conservative, as best you can for the dollars in your bank account. Teaming up your Stillwaterkilt with a white shirt and tie, nice kilt hose, a nice belt and dress shoes can hardly offend anyone, even at a more traditional affair. Nonetheless, it all depends on the nature of the people getting married and the ceremony they have planned.

I would recommend ignoring "THE RULES" as espoused by whomever, and instead of that, focus not on "WHAT IS PROPER" but instead, focus on what a real gentleman would do... namely treating the people with whom you are interacting with kindness and respect. That means asking your friends some questions, listening to the answers, and dressing appropriately for *THEIR* day.

As an addendum, it's my own personal opinion that it never hurts to know what "THE RULES" are, or at least have a clue what they are. However, at least here in California, not a whole lot of people abide by those "rules" and while nobody I know will look down on anyone else for "overdressing", the general guide for attire is pretty relaxed.

One last thing....In my opinion the gentleman is not someone who dresses better than someone else. The gentleman is not someone who dresses appropriately for the occasion. In my opinion, the gentleman is someone who treats others with respect and integrity and understanding.

[berserkbishop]

Yeti, there sure is a lot of ranting about what is and is not "proper" in this thread.

On our own forum, not so long ago, there is a picture thread written by the father of the bride. The groom had orange hair (I think) several tattoos and wore a black utilikilt, a black rock & roll band t-shirt, and black assault boots. At a wedding like that, if Yeti wanted to wear a Great Kilt, what's the problem?

I've been to a Ren Faire-type wedding where the bride a groom and most of the guestswore "Faire-garb". If it's a wedding like that, then what's the problem with a Great Kilt?

I've been to a "pagan handfasting"...and while I have no comment on the religious implications of such the guests wore everything from Ren Faire garb to contemporary semi-casual clothes. The Great Kilt would have been just fine at this ceremony, and in fact the argyll with waistcoat would have stood out.

So while some of us have more traditional tastes, we should remember that not EVERYBODY has the same taste. "Every man should own a suit". ??? I don't own a suit. I own two-three sportcoats/slacks combinations and now a tweed kilt jacket (another one in the works) but I do not own a "suit". I have no need to wear one, here in California.

Yeti, I would tell the bride and groom what you had planned and show them a picture of something similar and then ask their opinion. IF you get an outright "no", or if you pick up negative "vibes", then opt for something more conservative, as best you can for the dollars in your bank account. Teaming up your Stillwaterkilt with a white shirt and tie, nice kilt hose, a nice belt and dress shoes can hardly offend anyone, even at a more traditional affair. Nonetheless, it all depends on the nature of the people getting married and the ceremony they have planned.

I would recommend ignoring "THE RULES" as espoused by whomever, and instead of that, focus not on "WHAT IS PROPER" but instead, focus on what a real gentleman would do... namely treating the people with whom you are interacting with kindness and respect. That means asking your friends some questions, listening to the answers, and dressing appropriately for *THEIR* day.

Well said Alan. You expressed my thoughts and frustrations in a clear, concise, unoffensive manner that saved me the trouble.


BB

[macwilkin]

So while some of us have more traditional tastes, we should remember that not EVERYBODY has the same taste. "Every man should own a suit". ??? I don't own a suit. I own two-three sportcoats/slacks combinations and now a tweed kilt jacket (another one in the works) but I do not own a "suit". I have no need to wear one, here in California.

Of course, Alan, that statement works both ways.

T.

[Bugbear]

Oops, cajunscot, and Alan, I didn't mean to post between your replies. Apologies.

Kind of funny, though, I was talking about trying to conform to both prospectives as best as one is able...

[Alan H]

Of course, Alan, that statement works both ways.

T.

Absolutely, Todd!

I just wrote a long reply and deleted it before posting. This is one of those times when I think it's best if I just go look at another thread.

Look at it this way, Todd. If I were to be invited to visit you in your home, knowing a bit about who you are, I would in fact NOT wear a kilt, but rather would dress cleanly and smartly with a button-down shirt, hard-soled shoes and a reasonable pair of slacks. This is because I know that you save your kilt for particular occasions, and for you the kilt is a special thing, not "everyday".

Were you to visit me,I would assume that, being a gentleman, you would consider my preferences in my home, the nature of what people wear here in northern California, your own integrity and preferences, and come up with something appropriate in about twenty seconds worth of thought.

The thing is, ninety-nine times out of a hundred, being a gentleman is not ALL that hard!

[Panache]

Whether Alan goes to visit Todd or Todd goes to visit Alan I think the most appropriate accessory would be a nice bottle of single malt to celebrate the occasion!

Cheers

Jamie

[meinfs]

"... Downfall of civilization?" OMG!

I hope not! Like Alan H said, being a gentleman is all about treating others with respect... Part of showing that respect is to, as PiobBear put, "As a guest, I dress to suit my host."

So Yeti, DO ask your friends, the bride and groom to be, if what you are intending to wear will be suitable to their occasion.

(And you don't need me to say this)-- And so, gentlemen and ladies, build up your wardrobe to suit the social events and places that you will be attending -- friends' events, official functions, work functions. Not everybody has a suit and tie, apparently because they've not had a need for them.

I know, I know, this is all easier said than done... but the basic guideline to dressing for an event is to suit the host's wishes.

[Alan H]

whether alan goes to visit todd or todd goes to visit alan i think the most appropriate accessory would be a nice bottle of single malt to celebrate the occasion! :d

cheers

jamie

hear, hear!!!!!!

[macwilkin]

Whether Alan goes to visit Todd or Todd goes to visit Alan I think the most appropriate accessory would be a nice bottle of single malt to celebrate the occasion!

Cheers

Jamie

Aye, Jamie...The Macallan is always a great accessory! :mrgreen: I would love to "splice the mainbrace" with both of you! :mrgreen: (Pusser's Rum only, of course!)

Alan, I hear ya...I wouldn't dare dream of calling anyone out on the standards I hold myself to.


T.

[Alan H]

Aye, Jamie...The Macallan is always a great accessory! :mrgreen: I would love to "splice the mainbrace" with both of you! :mrgreen: (Pusser's Rum only, of course!)

Alan, I hear ya...I wouldn't dare dream of calling anyone out on the standards I hold myself to.


T.

There's also the fine line to walk between "being yourself" and "being respectful of others".

I'm always wary of those who proclaim loudly that they don't care what anybody thinks, they're going to wear what they *(*&^>#|(* please, and everybody else can just deal with it. It's all well and good to be so terribly "indepndent" and be your own man, but there comes a point where you cross the line between "independence" and "arrogance".

I think of my best friends wedding years ago. Dave and his groomsmen all wore dark two or three-piece suits. As a guest, I dressed down a notch, with grey slacks and a dark blue sportcoat and tie. There's a picture of all of us...a mess of high school buddies all in a line....five or six suits, two guys in sportcoats and slacks.

...and Mike in blue jeans and a gaudy pink and blue striped t-shirt.

Mike's reasoning was that he was going to be his own man, not conform to societies numbing, de-humanizing rules and never, ever wear a tie. A tie was a symbol of intellectual and spiritual death. If Dave couldn't deal with Mike not wearing a tie, then Mike just wouldn't attend.

Why Mike couldn't have worn nice slacks, a nice shirt and a sweater is beyond me, but anyway, he didn't. In my humble opinion, Mike crossed the line between "independance" and "arrogance" that day. He used the leverage of his friendship with Dave and Daves brother to be invited to the wedding, but then didn't have the courtesy to dress even close to appropriately.

It's one thing to kowtow to everybody elses standards all the time and never be your own man, including in what you wear. It's another thing to be an arrogant, aggressive ( or passive-aggressive) jerk. We all need to find the balance between those things: be ourselves...realizing that while clothes are great, in fact clothes do NOT "make the man"....and be respectful and generous to those around us.

*****

Todd, were you to be a guest in my home, I'd open the bottle of Aberlour a'bunadh...precious elixir, that!

and THEN we'd proceed to the Pussers run, poured out in the real thing...Royal Navy copper tot cups! (present from my Dad, years ago.)