First of all, I want to say that my prayers are with you always. I am sure that your Mother has issues that are far beyond the kilt, it is just a peg to hang them on.
A couple of suggestions, and I am sure you probably have covered them, but here goes: (I know how easy it is to overlook the obvious at times.)
Getting out of the family owned house is very important. Is there a State Employees' Credit Union in Ohio? If your wife is a Public School teacher, then she would most likely be eligible for housing loan from them.
Secondly, with the housing market meltdown, perhaps you could get an owner financed house? Seems that if you have that much saved up for a down payment it might work. Just don't over-extend yourself, and remember, there are always things that break and need repair around a house. (I'm sure you are aware of that also.)
May the situation resolve itself soon.
Frank
The pipes are calling, resistance is futile. - MacTalla Mor
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