Panache and the Curious Affair of the Gin and Tonic

[Splash_4]

80 Panache's in one place? The space time continuum cannot hold that.

[starbkjrus]

I don't know that I have enough ale and single malt in my study to assess all of this.

Only one thing to do........Total Beverage here I come.....int:

[Arlen]

Well, that would go well with my Kilt...

I am exceedingly hooked on this story, Jamie!

[Weasel Mender]

ith: Herr kaptain,
Why does this tale remain incompleat?

[Panache]

My Gentle Readers ,

I have been remiss in my duties, and in so doing, seem to have caused some of you distress. My most sincere apologies.

Rest assured the story will continue.

My only excuse is that my writing process has been hindered by variously a dearth of and surfeit of ...gin.

I shall endeavor to make amends and continue the tale at hand.

Your Humble Servant



P.

[Spc. Scott]

I don't know if I could say I have been distressed but excited perhaps...or anxious. All in a good way of course.

[Wompet]

We find ourselves looking at a figure standing by a window, silhouetted by the unlight of the Void outside. It turns away from the window, revealing a man-like creature dressed in argyle jacket and kilt, matching hose and polished shoes. Its face is that of a black-haired dog, perhaps a terrier. It stalks over to a fireplace and chair that we have seen before, in different interludes. This time the chair does not hold the kilted man we have seen before, but a large, shaggy dog wearing a kilt in the man's tartan. He holds a bundle of the same tartan in his lap.

"I don't know how much more of this waiting I can stand, Wompet," growled the terrier.
Wompet looked up from the tartan in his hands. He appears to stitching pleats in a kilt. "Patience, McMurdo - I'm sure that Jamie is working as fast as he can."
"Yes, yes - I know. But this -" the terrier gestured at himself, "-this is intolerable!"
Wompet cocked his head to the side and raised a shaggy brow, looking a mixture of insulted and amused.
"Sorry," whuffed McMurdo, "but you know what I mean. This morning I as on my way to the Scottish Tartans Museum to see Matt, and now I'm ... what, exactly?"
"A Cairn Terrier, I think. And you should be happy that you were close enough to get here before That" - Wompet waves a paw at the window - "spread too far. The magicks that allow my various selves to shift across realities are protecting us for now."

"What do you mean, for now?!" McMurdo barked, his ears lying back against his head.
"Well, you read Madame Pleater's explanation* regarding the Fabric of Reality, right?"
"Yes, but -"
"I've protected us by focusing my magicks on this piece of tartan," Wompet held up the kilt he was sewing. "I made Pleater's analogy literal, using the weave to stabilize reality around us. The forming of the kilt increases that stability."
"But - for now?"
Wompet looked away, somewhat sheepdoggishly. "Well, the magicks are focused into the kilt, we'll be fine. But once I'm finished - poof." Wompet spread his fingers out as he said that last word.
"Poof!"
"Well, there are more appropriate sounds, but they're hard to say without lips," Wompet replied, gesturing at his hairy jowls.
"Then don't work on the kilt. If you don't finish it, then no ... poof."
"I can't stop - there wasn't time to set up the spell that way, if you recall."
"So you can't stop, or 'poof'; and once you finish, 'poof' anyway?"
"That about sums it up."

McMurdo sighed in resignation and turned towards the window again. Halfway there, he stopped and looked at the other dog again. "Just one thing - why are we both dogs?"
Wompet looked at the other as if he had asked the most obvious thing in the world. "Perceived realities*," he shrugged, "I'm always a dog in these stories, and you're in my reality, so ..."

McMurdo sighed again, and went back to staring at the Void. "I wish Jamie would hurry it up."

[davedove]

The Herald Dove floated through the void. Although no light source was apparent, the whole region seemed to glow with a blue light. Looking about, he could see he wasn't the only object floating through the nothingness. He reached out and grabbed on of the crumpled objects. As he stretched it out, he discovered it was a sock. Again and again, he retrieved more of the floating objects, to find that they were all socks. Oddly, though, none of them seemed to match any of the others.

He now realized what had happened and where he was. Apparently, something was causing the fabric of reality to unravel and the thread that was his line of existence had been removed from that fabric. But apparently, his own sense of self had been strong enough that he had not been eliminated entirely, but rather sent to this strange void. The objects floating with him gave him the knowledge of where he was and that he may be doomed to float here forever.

He was trapped in the dimension where the lost half of pairs of socks go when they are placed in the dryer. And everyone knows that those lost socks are gone forever!!

He quickly calmed himself and began his mental exercises. He had to somehow use his force of will to reintegrate his own life thread back into the fabric of reality. He didn't know if he could do it, but what else was he going to do here, try on socks?

[Kerr the Walker]

but what else was he going to do here, try on socks?

Priceless! These are definitely helping to slake the craving until Panache picks up his pen...

[Panache]

Panache and the Curious Affair of the Gin and Tonic:

A Victorian Serial told in Chapters

Chapter 7

There was a long silent pause as Trefor, Arlen, Colin, Spasm, and I regarded this small army of…well me. Mr. Tibbles couldn’t be bothered and continued to gnaw on Spasm’s shoe. Without time it was impossible to tell if two minutes went by or two months.

Finally it was Colin that broke the stillness.

“YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING!” he exclaimed.

The shimmering image of Madam Pleater clucked her tongue.

“My dear Colin, our Mr. Brown traveled through multiple universes and explained the situation to the various Panaches. One and all they agreed to come here to act as a crew of your Panache’s zeppelin.”

“Won’t they all want to be Captain?” asked Arlen.

One of the Panaches stepped forward. “That shouldn’t be a problem Arlen” he noted

Another Panache advanced “You see it would be terribly rude”

“This is not really our world at all” piped in another Panache.

“For instance look at poor Colin! In my universe he sports the most magnificent of afros. What ever happened to your hair Colin?” said yet another Panache.

The first Panache spoke again “Our universes suffered the same as yours. We have come here in the hopes that in serving as your crew we can help save all our universes . We all wish to return home to our beautiful Flame-Haired Celtic Amazon Goddesses, our wonderful children, our overflowing hat racks, our huge wardrobes full of tasteful yet daring highland ensembles, our mirrors…”

“We are going to need a lot more gin” noted Trefor to Colin

“For them or us?” Said Colin

The shimmering image of Madam Pleater said “I will return to you once you are underway, Godspeed to you all” and vanished.

I cleared my throat and addressed my new crew

“Gentlemen, I thank you for your kind offer of assistance and gladly accept it. We shall travel through time and space to trace the route of the Maple Leaf and find that rapscallion Grant!

The Panaches cheered .

“We will give him and the dastardly SOKS What For!”

The Panaches cheered.

“We will discover the exact cause of the disaster and put things right!“

The Panaches cheered .

“We will return to our homes and find homes to return to!”

The Panaches cheered

“We shall be the best dressed, most articulate, most charming, most debonair, most well mannered , and dashing zeppelin crew in the history of …well …history”

The Panaches cheered.

“How long do Jamie’s speeches go on for?” asked Arlen.

“We should have brought chairs” answered Colin.

“We should have come late” said Trefor.

“Oh.” said Arlen.

I ignored them and continued “We shall be steadfast and brave no matter what the challenge!”

The Panaches cheered

“AND WE WILL COMPLETE OUR MISSION WITH…”


A great cheer filled the zeppelin hangar of “PANACHE!“

“TO THE SHIP!” I ordered and the Panaches began to embark

Turning to my companions I called “Right gents, to the gondola”.

Arlen reached down to scoop up Mr. Tibbles (an action he almost immediately regretted). Releasing the annoyed badger the young Scot wrapped his handkerchief around his bleeding fingers. He sighed and followed the defiant badger who waddled up the stairway to the zeppelin by himself. Trefor and Colin headed after them leaving only Spasm standing where he was.

“Come on then Spasm, time to go” I called.

“Begging Master Panache’s pardon but Spasm will be remaining at the Great Golden Hall of X Marks the Scot” said our ancient retainer who peered at me through thick glasses.

I sighed .

“Spasm, as I understand it, once we get far enough away from the Great Golden Hall it will cease to exist. Now come on and be reasonable” (here I paused as I realized how utterly odd it was to be saying that to someone who took large potted plants from the Conservatory for daily “walkies” , but I digress) “just get in the zeppelin!“

“Spasm has served the League of the Moderators and our Forum here at the Great Hall his whole life. Spasm’s father old “S” did the same as did his father before him. Spasm will not abandon his post now. He will be little use to you on your mission and he chooses not to forsake his duty.“

“But look Spasm, the Great Golden Hall is going to vanish and you will vanish with it!”

“All the more reason you should succeed Master Panache. If you do, all will be as it was. If you fail I will have remained at my post. Now Spasm has some windows to clean if the good Master is finished with him”. With this Spasm exercised a creaky lurch that may have quite possibly been a bow and staggered back towards the monorail.

I watched him go and as he reached the doorway he turned to look me straight in the eye and said.

“I wish you luck, Sir”

With this he left and I turned to my duties.

Clambering up the metal ladder to the Saltire’s gondola I found Trefor, Colin, and Arlen standing by as a trio of Panaches manned the helm, navigation, and communication consoles. Mr. Tibbles was nowhere to be seen. I hoped he wasn’t amusing himself with one of the helium cells.

“Do you want this?” Trefor said offering me my Zeppelin Captain’s cap. I looked at the pilot’s seat and the Panache there doing his preflight check. I thought of who should have been there and shook my head.

“Jamie, you will need something to distinguish yourself from the other Panaches” noted Colin.

“How about this, I found it in one of the closets” said Arlen offering a large white plume.

I stuck the feather into my pith helmet and grabbed the intercom tube. “Engage engines 1,3,5, and 7.”

“Engines running Captain” said the pilot Panache

“Open hangar doors!” I called to the Panache at communications.

“Doors opening Sir”

The great doors pivoted open in front of us revealing the black void.

“Ahead half speed Pilot”

“Aye Sir!”

The zeppelin began to move forward

“Running lights on”

“Running lights on Sir!” called the navigator Panache

"Disengage moorings"

"Aye Captain" came from the communications station.

“Too bad we don’t have any music” I murmured.

Arlen began to softly sing “My Heart’s in the Highlands, My Heart is not here"


Colin and Trefor joined him “My Heart’s in the Highlands, A-chasing the deer”

I smiled and sang with the rest of them “Wherever I wander, wherever I rove. My Heart’s in the Highlands wherever I go”

“Onward Pilot!“ I called

“Aye Sir”

And so the mighty blue zeppelin Saltire sailed into the vast blackness with the words of Robert Burns sung by the entire crew reverberating through its chambers. Behind us the lights of the Great Golden Hall, our sole companion in this great erasure, blazed. Looking back at it did I see a lone figure in one of the large front windows wiping a dead stoat across the panes? I thought so and saluted it. The figure saluted back and in so doing slapped the stoat into the its forehead and dropped from sight. I turned to face forward as our brave ship raced into the darkness and did not watch the Great Golden Hall of X Marks the Scot vanish in a flash of blue light.

Our journey had begun.


To be continued.