Kilt Etiquette

[Jock Scot]

I have just been watching on TV the memorial service in Aberdeen of the 16 men killed in a tragic helicopter crash out in the North Sea a fortnight ago. The Duke and Duchess of Rothsay were amongst those attending the service. The Duke was wearing the kilt, dark grey "day jacket" and waistcoat, white shirt,black tie, brown sporran, black shoes(not ghillies) I could not see the colour of the hose clearly, lovat green I think, but one thing for certain they were not white. His attire is entirely appropriate for this solemn occasion.

[Kerr the Walker]

As far as weddings is concerned, the kilt is only worn when the grrom is kilted. If the groom is not wearing a kilt, you should wear a suit to the wedding.

Not sure I quite agree with this one. As long as one's attire is of the appropriate level of formality for the event, it shouldn't matter a lick what's between his belt and his shoes.

[campbell]

Here is a photo of some Andersons at a funeral. Black tie and black flashes.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/trudem/2123064139/

As far as weddings is concerned I am just repeating my family's traditions. My father has never worn a kilt to a wedding unless the grooom is kilted. He feels that it is disrespectful. In the U.S., everyone is not Scottish and some people are offended by kilts. I have been accused of cross-dressing by a non-Scot, and I had one evangelical Christian tell me that kilts are for gays, although he used the pejorative term for homosexuals.

[McFarkus]

I think that if your friends and family are used to seeing you in a kilt, then wearing your kilt to a funeral would be appropriate as long as you're not wearing a t-shirt with it.

I've been wearing my kilt to church for a while now, sometimes casual, sometimes more formal. A couple of weeks ago I wore p@nts and people were very surprised. Thus my reasoning above. People attending a funeral don't need a surprise. So wear a kilt if that's what they're used to seeing on you.

[Kerr the Walker]

As far as weddings is concerned I am just repeating my family's traditions. My father has never worn a kilt to a wedding unless the grooom is kilted. He feels that it is disrespectful. In the U.S., everyone is not Scottish and some people are offended by kilts. I have been accused of cross-dressing by a non-Scot, and I had one evangelical Christian tell me that kilts are for gays, although he used the pejorative term for homosexuals.

By no means did I intend to belittle family tradition.

I don't understand how the wearing of a kilt in a way that respects the traditions behind it could be offensive to anyone. Anyone who would cut you down for wearing a kilt the way you describe is simply showing their ignorance. The opinions of ignorant people do not hold much water in my book.

[Brian Boru]

The only place I can think of where the wearing of the kilt would be wholly inappropriate, regardless of the circumstances, would be a nudist colony.

Hear, hear, sir!

Brian

[The Barry]

The only place I can think of where the wearing of the kilt would be wholly inappropriate, regardless of the circumstances, would be a nudist colony.

Agreed!

[Makeitstop]

This is something that requires considering both your desires, responsibilities, and expectations and those of your host, so that you can reconcile the two.

If you are someone who is known to be kilted, then it should come as no surprise to your host that you want to wear a kilt. If they have a problem with it, they have some responsibility to say so, or else they should not be surprised to see you show up without any pants on.

If they don't know that you would be likely to wear a kilt, they can't be expecting it, and have no responsibility to be prepared. As such, it may be best to make sure it is OK, rather than to catch them off guard.

On the other hand, if you know that your host absolutely hates kilts (I mean really loathes them, as in someone who thinks "kilts are just for cross dressers who don't have the guts to go all the way") and you show up in a kilt on their big day, even though you have every right to wear a kilt, and kilts are legitimate clothing for any occasion, the fact that you knowingly wore something that they loathe is a bit of an insult. You can still go with it, but don't pretend it isn't showing a lack of respect (whether or not they deserve it)

But if it isn't their big day, and they just demand that you not wear a kilt in their presence, then they're just showing a lack of respect, and you have far less reason to accommodate them. For situations like that, I think it is entirely appropriate to say "I can dress myself, and if you don't like what I wear, feel free to not invite me."
This is the way I handle most family functions, with the exception of those that take place at my grandparents house, as instead of excluding me, they harass my mom over the phone for at least an hour every time they see my kilt, and she doesn't deserve that.


Let's look at this from another angle for a moment.

I hate dressing up. I never want to wear anything dressier than a T-shirt and sandals. And I honestly do not give a flying rats @$$ about social conventions regarding levels of dress for events. I find them silly, arbitrary and oppressive. (before anyone gets up in arms, I am merely stating my views, not challenging anyone else's)

So, should I say "I wear what I want and other people can just deal with it" or should I accept that others do not necessarily see things the way I do and out of respect for them, accommodate their views?

If my bride to be shared my views, and our wedding had a mandatory casual dress code (T-shirts, shorts, jeans, sweatshirts, sweatpants, sandals, UKs, etc.) and we made it absolutely clear that we did not want to see anything even remotely formal, would it really be appropriate for a guest to show up with a suit and tie, or would that be just as disrespectful as us showing up to a more traditional wedding dressed like it was laundry day?


To state it simply, if upon considering the other party's point of view, there is no particular reason to expect offense, feel free to wear whatever seems appropriate to you. If there is a reason to expect offense, you must decide whether it is more important to defer to them, or to be your own man.

I would suggest that you should be your own man (and accept the consequences) unless the event is something important and specifically for the irritating control freak. But this is something that we must decide for ourselves.

GRADUATIONS: Same as funerals.

As someone who has been in college for a decade, I find this statement endlessly amusing.

[KFCarter]

You do need to take pride in what the tartan and kilt means to you and wear it proudly and I don't think you should defer to people who are annoyed by the sight of a kilt for petty reasons. But you shouldn't feel slighted if someone asks you to conform with a certain vision they might have for a special day.

I don't think it ever makes someone less of man, to display courtesy and deference... in fact I think it shows that you're comfortable in your own skin when you can concede gracefully for someone else's sake.

It's okay to break social conventions, especially ones that are arbitrary, you're free to do it. Just exercise judgment when breaking a convention might hurt the feelings of someone you care about and respect. Having said that, I'm doing everything I can do to make it obvious to friends and family that I'm more often than not a kilted person, and that kilts are not just comfortable and different, but they are meaningful to me. I'm hoping to create the idea in their mind that I'll be in kilt by default unless they have a deeply held reason for asking me not to be.

Where you draw the line can also depend a bit on your community. Savannah is fond of its history, has strong Celtic roots and also tolerates its eccentrics. In this town, I would expect to ask when attending a funeral, memorial service or wedding. Those are solemn occasions and the family's vision should be paramount. But I won't ask when invited to black-tie receptions, fund raising dinners and galas, because here you're expected to strut your stuff a bit, and expected to imbibe more than a bit, and there's no way I won't be kilted on those occasions.

All of which is a long-winded way of saying, manners do matter and Makeitstop's nuanced post highlights why it would probably not be a good idea to have a hard and fast rule about kilt-appropriateness, particularly in the U.S. where the sight of a kilt is still regrettably rare for most folks.

[McClef]

As far as weddings is concerned, the kilt is only worn when the grrom is kilted. If the groom is not wearing a kilt, you should wear a suit to the wedding.

Is that according to Emily Post?

Seriously though many full time or nearly full time kilt wearers do not have a suit and some don't even have trousers.

Certainly it's polite to ask the couple who are being married if they mind. I am attending a wedding in June where the Groom is not going to be kilted and they are both fine about me being kilted.