This is something that requires considering both your desires, responsibilities, and expectations and those of your host, so that you can reconcile the two.

If you are someone who is known to be kilted, then it should come as no surprise to your host that you want to wear a kilt. If they have a problem with it, they have some responsibility to say so, or else they should not be surprised to see you show up without any pants on.

If they don't know that you would be likely to wear a kilt, they can't be expecting it, and have no responsibility to be prepared. As such, it may be best to make sure it is OK, rather than to catch them off guard.

On the other hand, if you know that your host absolutely hates kilts (I mean really loathes them, as in someone who thinks "kilts are just for cross dressers who don't have the guts to go all the way") and you show up in a kilt on their big day, even though you have every right to wear a kilt, and kilts are legitimate clothing for any occasion, the fact that you knowingly wore something that they loathe is a bit of an insult. You can still go with it, but don't pretend it isn't showing a lack of respect (whether or not they deserve it)

But if it isn't their big day, and they just demand that you not wear a kilt in their presence, then they're just showing a lack of respect, and you have far less reason to accommodate them. For situations like that, I think it is entirely appropriate to say "I can dress myself, and if you don't like what I wear, feel free to not invite me."
This is the way I handle most family functions, with the exception of those that take place at my grandparents house, as instead of excluding me, they harass my mom over the phone for at least an hour every time they see my kilt, and she doesn't deserve that.


Let's look at this from another angle for a moment.

I hate dressing up. I never want to wear anything dressier than a T-shirt and sandals. And I honestly do not give a flying rats @$$ about social conventions regarding levels of dress for events. I find them silly, arbitrary and oppressive. (before anyone gets up in arms, I am merely stating my views, not challenging anyone else's)

So, should I say "I wear what I want and other people can just deal with it" or should I accept that others do not necessarily see things the way I do and out of respect for them, accommodate their views?

If my bride to be shared my views, and our wedding had a mandatory casual dress code (T-shirts, shorts, jeans, sweatshirts, sweatpants, sandals, UKs, etc.) and we made it absolutely clear that we did not want to see anything even remotely formal, would it really be appropriate for a guest to show up with a suit and tie, or would that be just as disrespectful as us showing up to a more traditional wedding dressed like it was laundry day?


To state it simply, if upon considering the other party's point of view, there is no particular reason to expect offense, feel free to wear whatever seems appropriate to you. If there is a reason to expect offense, you must decide whether it is more important to defer to them, or to be your own man.

I would suggest that you should be your own man (and accept the consequences) unless the event is something important and specifically for the irritating control freak. But this is something that we must decide for ourselves.

Quote Originally Posted by PiobBear View Post
GRADUATIONS: Same as funerals.
As someone who has been in college for a decade, I find this statement endlessly amusing.