Some more do's and don'ts on the board

[caig]

I have looked at this thread and also looked at Paul's thread in which he wanted advice on what to wear to a casual ceilidh in Scotland tonight. I was quite dismayed to see several members from abroad giving him advice on what to wear. The advice they gave seems to be what a kilt-wearer in their own country would wear. The advice was plainly wrong. It took Jock Scot to point out that no jacket was required, for example.

There is a tendency on this site, I think, for people who really do not know what they are doing , to give advice when clearly such advice is wrong. And this is especially true when the advice comes from abroad to a Scot about kilt wearing !

[Dall_Piobaire]

Wow! I thought Redshanks, to a certain extent was just being facetious!

I was taught that if you have nothing nice, or constructive, to say, say nothing. The folks that post here take their look seriously and in my opinion don't want the standard "oooh braw laddie"bit. Everybody has very valid points. Most lurk a good bit before posting, so know the timbre of this forum, and I hope want and expect constructive criticism!

If I look like a total peacock, or worse complete git, I want to know before I step out the door, and that would be the reason I post, not to collect perfunctory attaboys.

[pdcorlis]

XMarks is a process...

For many of us not fortunate enough to be born to the kilt, we enter this forum at some point later in life with a desire to wear the kilt with honor and dignity. No one lasts at XMarks if they are here to lampoon the kilted life. So XMarks is a process.

When I was wet behind the ears but still wanting to encourage others, I would post a "nice kilt" comment believing it was. By following the thread and reading posts from veteran kilt wearers - gently correcting mistakes in presentation and kindly informing the poster of options and alternatives - at least two people grew and learned from the experience - the person starting the thread and myself.

The members of this forum span a broad spectrum of kilted experience and each has a right to post here. No one has to pass a test or submit a DNA sample to belong to XMarks. I believe those that stay, grow in many ways. Each at their own pace. Many that come here don't know hand sewn from top stitched or PV from wool - and they wouldn't know a tank from a toothbrush. Their enthusiasm (like mine) may outstrip their knowledge. If they stay they will learn, grow, and evolve - its almost impossible not to. But you'll still catch more bees with honey than you will with vinegar. Some things never change.

Regards.

[Monkey@Arms]

I think its important to make a distinction between those who are posting pictures and asking for feedback, and those who are simply sharing. I've seen some terrible kilted wedding pictures but I think it would be the height of rudeness to point out the flaws in the groom's ensemble after the event. In those instances one can simply congratulate the wearer on the happy event without giving false praise.

Best regards,

Jake

[dfmacliam]

I, personally, would want that voice of truth if I am asking... "How do I look?". It does me and everyone else a disservice if we tend to believe that we are wearing our clothing in an proper manner, while actually, we are not. I have learned a lot from my time at XMarks, about kilt wearing, and what is acceptable, and what is plainly overkill.

Its necessary to promote truth and honesty, when it come to asking "how we look", but tact is a very useful tool, in conveying the honest replies..

I feel both sides on this discussion are right... to a degree... we need to be honest, and not just give a "nice kilt" reply, and we need to give constructive criticism,and explain in a nice way, to where a new kilt wearer is encouraged to make the changes, to warrant the "Nice Kilt!".

[Scotus]

I think its important to make a distinction between those who are posting pictures and asking for feedback, and those who are simply sharing.

An excellent point! Sometimes people will simply share a photo and say, "Here I am; me and my kilt!" When someone says, "Here I am; what's your honest opinion," I think people should take them at their word (with honesty but kindness).

[ChubRock]

As a a newbie to kilting myself, I suffer from being so excited about my acquisition that I want to take a photo and post it. One or two of my photos were taken with gym socks and a t-shirt on because I wanted to show the kilt. Yes, I got comments like maybe you should wear a polo, and maybe some hose would be better. Now I know that 90% of the people who commented could have said something constructive, but they simply said things like nice kilt, kilt on, it looks good on ye! the other 10% are a little different and wanted to help in a different way. Either way, I asked for it when I posted my photo.

I love XMTS, it's members and even it's Mods. You get what you pay for, and this place is free.

[Ian.MacAllan]

. . . when a non-moderator writes rules that you should always say 'nice kilt' or 'well done,' I think it might create a certain amount of tension, as it has in this thread.

I can't quite put my finger on it, but there is something about this situation that reminds me of my mother saying to me (when I was about six years old), "If David told you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?"

.

[Ian.MacAllan]

. . . and they wouldn't know a tank from a toothbrush. . . .

I'm sure you mean that clause as hyperbole; the previous two clauses in that sentence describe me precisely, before I found XMarks, but even then I could easily distinguish an armored tracked mobile gun from a toothbrush.

Best wishes.

.

[Tartanraven]

I think it is a good time to remind ourselves of the guiding principle of this forum. We are "The Ladies and Gentlemen of X Marks".

Contrary to popular belief, being a gentleman is a case of having neither a certain education nor a certain ancestry. It is, in many ways, almost a belief system that governs a man's actions in every aspect of his life. It is also something that anyone can achieve and that brings its own reward.

So what does it mean to be a gentleman in the 21st Century? Well, frankly it means subscribing to a higher standard of conduct.

Honesty, integrity and fair play are some of the hallmarks of a real gentleman. Followed closely by the basic building block of respect, both given and received. A gentleman should never seek an unfair advantage over an adversary in competition but instead should try his utmost to achieve the best he can at all times.


A gentleman also shows respect for people with a different background. This can be as simple as knowing how to phrase a complement, or as complicated as showing a newcomer where they have commited a faux pas. Once again, the return comes in the form of mutual respect, with the additional benefit of remaining true to one's ideals.

Being polite and showing respect are, of course, the essence of being a gentleman. That's not to say that a gentleman is a fawning wimp. Quite the contrary, in fact: he is frequently an immovable resistance where morals or justice are concerned. By his exercising a polite and friendly attitude, tense situations can be handled with grace and all parties involved will get to express their beliefs and concerns, leading to a deeper understanding for everyone. A reputation as a diplomatic, reasonable individual can lead to great things.

A gentleman is protective of the people he associates with, but not possessive. Once again, the aura of being a solid, reliable individual is essential. There is no need for macho displays of territoriality when one is comfortable with them self. Remaining honest and true will ensure that a companion, friend or acquaintance knows exactly where they stand at all times.

Above all, I believe the question of what being a gentleman means can be answered by quoting one of my oldest friends: "A gentleman always tries to make sure that the other person feels comfortable."

Now I will ask you all to go back and re-read your posts. When you have done that, with a self critical eye, ask yourselves, "Did I truly stay true to the guiding principal of this forum? Did I truly act as a gentleman would?"


:ootd:

Well done, nice kilt.