Etiquette lessons?

[Tobus]

See, I find it charming that the British are so animated about things being 'proper'.

I suppose they'd also frown on wearing my cowboy hat at the table and belching!

Seriously, though, I do have some questions on table etiquette while we're on the subject.

1. What's the graceful way to eat things like peas? Do you scoop 'em onto your fork with the knife and then hope to get 'em to your mouth without dropping them on your lap? Or are you supposed to use a spoon? Is it allowable to hunch over your plate in this process, or are you supposed to stay upright?

2. When pausing to drink, are you supposed to set down your utensils completely, or is it acceptable to keep a utensil (perhaps with food still on it) in one hand?

3. The napkin. When you put it in your lap, is there some etiquette to how it's supposed to be folded? Or do you just drape it all the way across? And when is it acceptable to tuck it in your shirt (I would never do that, but I could swear I've seen high-society types doing it)?

4. When the waitstaff comes to refill drinks or bring new dishes or remove empty ones, is it proper to hand them things or take them? Or are you supposed to always let them reach over you to do it? It feels a bit undignified to me, letting someone reach in front of me awkwardly like that.

They may sound like silly questions, but I honestly don't know what's proper.

[Paul Henry]

See, I find it charming that the British are so animated about things being 'proper'.

I suppose they'd also frown on wearing my cowboy hat at the table and belching!

Seriously, though, I do have some questions on table etiquette while we're on the subject.

1. What's the graceful way to eat things like peas? Do you scoop 'em onto your fork with the knife and then hope to get 'em to your mouth without dropping them on your lap? Or are you supposed to use a spoon? Is it allowable to hunch over your plate in this process, or are you supposed to stay upright?
You sort of squash them onto the back of the fork ( which is of course held in the left hand), sometimes using a little of the other food to help

2. When pausing to drink, are you supposed to set down your utensils completely, or is it acceptable to keep a utensil (perhaps with food still on it) in one hand?Of course you set all the cutlery down

3. The napkin. When you put it in your lap, is there some etiquette to how it's supposed to be folded? Or do you just drape it all the way across? And when is it acceptable to tuck it in your shirt (I would never do that, but I could swear I've seen high-society types doing it)?Drape it on your lap, but if you want to tuck it into your shirt , that's fine as well

4. When the waitstaff comes to refill drinks or bring new dishes or remove empty ones, is it proper to hand them things or take them? Or are you supposed to always let them reach over you to do it? It feels a bit undignified to me, letting someone reach in front of me awkwardly like that.
One never hands plates and the like to the waiters,They of course will know what silver service actually means,but you do thank them.

They may sound like silly questions, but I honestly don't know what's proper.

I'm always surprised at the way people eat differently, I was taught fork is always in the left hand when the knife is in the right, but it is acceptable to eat a little light meal , or a desert perhaps with a fork in the left , as long as the food is easily cut or divided with the fork alone.I've travelled to the States, and yes it was a very different way they used the tools, but thenI used to go to Belgium a lot, and they do things differently there as well!
I can't say that any of the ways is wrong, but having to constantly swap over knife and fork hands does seem overly cumbersome to me!

[chewse]

Gee, I hate to add to the questions of how to eat using utensils but....

1). When using a fork and knife (American style: knife in right hand and fork in left hand), are you suppose to cut the meat completely in pieces before beginning to eat or do you cut one piece at a time?

2). When eating spaghetti, are you to use a spoon to help gather the noodles or is it ok to twist the noodles around a fork (it looks a lot more graceful when use a spoon)?

[piperdbh]

Gee, I hate to add to the questions of how to eat using utensils but....

1). When using a fork and knife (American style: knife in right hand and fork in left hand), are you suppose to cut the meat completely in pieces before beginning to eat or do you cut one piece at a time?

2). When eating spaghetti, are you to use a spoon to help gather the noodles or is it ok to twist the noodles around a fork (it looks a lot more graceful when use a spoon)?

I'll take this one.
1) I've heard that one should not cut more than three pieces of meat at a time. Of course we vegans don't have to worry about that one. (or does it apply to eggplant, too?)

2) Spear the noodles, then twist the tines of the fork in the bowl of the spoon to wind them around the fork, then transfer them vertically to your chompers, and don't slurp up any stragglers. This is yet another reason to not break spaghetti (or any other long pasta) before cooking it.

[MacMillan of Rathdown]

See, I find it charming that the British are so animated about things being 'proper'.

I suppose they'd also frown on wearing my cowboy hat at the table and belching!

Seriously, though, I do have some questions on table etiquette while we're on the subject.

1. What's the graceful way to eat things like peas? Do you scoop 'em onto your fork with the knife and then hope to get 'em to your mouth without dropping them on your lap? Or are you supposed to use a spoon? Is it allowable to hunch over your plate in this process, or are you supposed to stay upright?

Mashed between the tines of your fork, or mixed in with the mashed potatoes or some other "soft" vegetable. When doing this the tines of the fork should point down, pointing at the plate, and the peas should be pressed onto the tines by your knife. Never hunch over your plate unless you are being shot at.

2. When pausing to drink, are you supposed to set down your utensils completely, or is it acceptable to keep a utensil (perhaps with food still on it) in one hand?

Always set down your utensils before taking a drink. Never set down a fork or a spoon with food still on it.

3. The napkin. When you put it in your lap, is there some etiquette to how it's supposed to be folded? Or do you just drape it all the way across?

Lay the napkin across your lap so that any dropped morsels of food will land on it and not your clothes. If your napkin slips off your lap, retrieve it if you can do so without creating a disturbance at the table. If you can't, ask for a new one.

And when is it acceptable to tuck it in your shirt (I would never do that, but I could swear I've seen high-society types doing it)?

In Britain and North America it isn't "done" to tuck a napkin into one's shirt. It is, however, acceptable in some continental European circles.

4. When the waitstaff comes to refill drinks or bring new dishes or remove empty ones, is it proper to hand them things or take them? Or are you supposed to always let them reach over you to do it? It feels a bit undignified to me, letting someone reach in front of me awkwardly like that.

Always allow the staff to place or remove the dishes-- your attempt to "help" may have an opposite effect.

They may sound like silly questions, but I honestly don't know what's proper.

Asking how to do the right thing is never silly.

[MacMillan of Rathdown]

Gee, I hate to add to the questions of how to eat using utensils but....

1). When using a fork and knife (American style: knife in right hand and fork in left hand), are you suppose to cut the meat completely in pieces before beginning to eat or do you cut one piece at a time?

You only cut one piece at a time.

2). When eating spaghetti, are you to use a spoon to help gather the noodles or is it ok to twist the noodles around a fork (it looks a lot more graceful when use a spoon)?

Pick up the noodles on the tines of the fork, place the tines inside the bowl of the spoon, and twist the fork, wrapping the noodles around the tines.

[Oldhiker]

it all taste good using any of the flatware, peas are a little challenging using the knife.

[BEEDEE]

it all taste good using any of the flatware, peas are a little challenging using the knife.

I eat my peas with honey
I've done it all my life
Although the peas taste funny
it keeps them on my knife
Anon

Brian

[chewse]

Thank goodness there are no etiquette rules when drinking Scotch - just fill up the glass and drink away!

[Tobus]

Mashed between the tines of your fork, or mixed in with the mashed potatoes or some other "soft" vegetable. When doing this the tines of the fork should point down, pointing at the plate, and the peas should be pressed onto the tines by your knife.

I'm having a hard time picturing that. If I understand your description correctly, it seems like a very awkward way to do it. You're basically putting the fork on the plate with the tines pointing down, so the back of the fork is raised off the surface, then using a knife to mash the food onto the back of the fork? I'm guessing that takes practice to get it on there correctly. Thanks for the explanation.

OK, a couple more etiquette questions:

1. When eating, say, a steak, and you take a bite with gristle in it that you just can't chew or swallow. What's the correct way to deal with it? I seem to recall that the recommendation is to discreetly spit it into your napkin. But then what do you do with the napkin that contains a half-chewed piece of gristle?

2. Eating soup: usually the soup spoon is a very wide spoon. What's the proper way to use it? Are you supposed to just raise it to your mouth and then slurp the soup off of it? That seems to be the method I've seen people use, but surely that can't be considered good etiquette, with all that vulgar slurping going on. Yet the spoon is too large to fit in one's mouth (or at least I can't fit it into my mouth). Help?

3. After-dinner coffee. If it's served in a coffee cup with a saucer (similar to tea), are you supposed to hold the saucer below the cup when drinking? Or is it acceptable to just pick up the coffee cup and drink it, leaving the saucer on the table?

4. Another napkin question: when you're done eating but you're still sitting and talking, what do you do with it? Fold it up and set it on the table, or keep it in your lap until you're ready to get up and leave?