Jokes that only work in Scotland

[Tony]

for wildrover and Mike:

> A Glasgow woman goes to the dentist and settles down in the chair. "Comfy?" asks the dentist.
> "Govan," she replies.

Comfy = short for comfortable and sounds like "Come fae" short for "Where do you come from?"


> What did the Siamese twins from Glasgow call their autobiography? Oor Wullie.

Because Wullie is a euphemism for the John Thomas, Siamese twins share one, Oor Wullie is a popular scottish newspaper cartoon.


> What do you call a pigeon that goes to Aviemore for its holidays? A skean dhu.

Aviemore is a Scottish ski "resort". A doo is a pigeon.


> What about the Scotsman who lost his testicles in a motorcycle accident? The surgeon re-attached them with Bostik.

Does it help if you know Bostik is a glue?



> While being interviewed for a job as a bus driver, a guy is asked: "What would you do if you had a rowdy passenger?"
> "I'd put him off at the next stop," he says.
> "Good. And what would you do if you couldn't get the fare?"
> "I'd take the first two weeks in August," he replies.

Ah...the deepest one.
Traditionally shipyards and factories in Glasgow shut down for 2 weeks - around last 2 weeks in July. This time was known as "The Fair". If you couldn't get The Fair you'd have to take your summer vacation at an alternative time.



if something is lost in translation, and jokes lose their funniness when having to be explained, have I ruined these ones forever?

[Jack Daw]

for wildrover and Mike:

> A Glasgow woman goes to the dentist and settles down in the chair. "Comfy?" asks the dentist.
> "Govan," she replies.

Comfy = short for comfortable and sounds like "Come fae" short for "Where do you come from?"


> What did the Siamese twins from Glasgow call their autobiography? Oor Wullie.

Because Wullie is a euphemism for the John Thomas, Siamese twins share one, Oor Wullie is a popular scottish newspaper cartoon.


> What do you call a pigeon that goes to Aviemore for its holidays? A skean dhu.

Aviemore is a Scottish ski "resort". A doo is a pigeon.


> What about the Scotsman who lost his testicles in a motorcycle accident? The surgeon re-attached them with Bostik.

Does it help if you know Bostik is a glue?



> While being interviewed for a job as a bus driver, a guy is asked: "What would you do if you had a rowdy passenger?"
> "I'd put him off at the next stop," he says.
> "Good. And what would you do if you couldn't get the fare?"
> "I'd take the first two weeks in August," he replies.

Ah...the deepest one.
Traditionally shipyards and factories in Glasgow shut down for 2 weeks - around last 2 weeks in July. This time was known as "The Fair". If you couldn't get The Fair you'd have to take your summer vacation at an alternative time.



if something is lost in translation, and jokes lose their funniness when having to be explained, have I ruined these ones forever?

They're still funny after explanation. Thanks.