Advice for men about to be married

[Detroitpete]

1-Marry your best friend because you can't imagine life without her.
2-Support her in the things that make her happy because if you love her, her happiness is all you really want.
3-Most arguments come about from very small things. In the end, it doesn't really matter does it? Refer to number 2.
4-Tell her what's really important to you. If you've done a good job at number 2, you'll get that fishing trip you wanted without any ill feelings.
5-Never let her have to guess how much you love her.
6-Do all the crappy jobs without complaint and without being asked--because you're a man. It's what we do.
7-Set the Thanksgiving table with that amazingly girlie china she loves. Remember, she lets you continue to wear that 'favorite' shirt despite how terrible it looks.
8-No matter how busy and filled with committments your life is--have a "date night" every week and stick to it.
9-Hold her hand in public. Open the car door for her.
10-Make her laugh several times each day.

Most importantly--never take her or your marriage for granted. Remember, she could have done a lot better!

[davidlpope]

After ten years of marriage to my best friend, here's my best advice:

Pertaining to the wedding:
Spend more time preparing for your marriage than preparing for the wedding. In a practical sense, though, the normal "friction" encountered when planning a wedding should have the effect of putting you and your fiance on the "same team" and everyone else on "another team" (if it gets contentious..) This is a good thing as it will prepare both you and your spouse to view the other as your most important confidant and resource.

Pertaining to your marriage:
Be prepared to die to your own selfishness and jealousy. The depth of love required of you as a husband can be compared to that of a savior for those he ransoms. Like any living sacrifice, though, your tendancy will be to keep getting up off the altar. Fight against this.

1-Marry your best friend because you can't imagine life without her.
2-Support her in the things that make her happy because if you love her, her happiness is all you really want.
3-Most arguments come about from very small things. In the end, it doesn't really matter does it? Refer to number 2.
4-Tell her what's really important to you. If you've done a good job at number 2, you'll get that fishing trip you wanted without any ill feelings.
5-Never let her have to guess how much you love her.
6-Do all the crappy jobs without complaint and without being asked--because you're a man. It's what we do.
7-Set the Thanksgiving table with that amazingly girlie china she loves. Remember, she lets you continue to wear that 'favorite' shirt despite how terrible it looks.
8-No matter how busy and filled with committments your life is--have a "date night" every week and stick to it.
9-Hold her hand in public. Open the car door for her.
10-Make her laugh several times each day.

Most importantly--never take her or your marriage for granted. Remember, she could have done a lot better!

Great practical applications!

Cordially,

David

[Cynthia]

1-Marry your best friend because you can't imagine life without her.
2-Support her in the things that make her happy because if you love her, her happiness is all you really want.
3-Most arguments come about from very small things. In the end, it doesn't really matter does it? Refer to number 2.
4-Tell her what's really important to you. If you've done a good job at number 2, you'll get that fishing trip you wanted without any ill feelings.
5-Never let her have to guess how much you love her.
6-Do all the crappy jobs without complaint and without being asked--because you're a man. It's what we do.
7-Set the Thanksgiving table with that amazingly girlie china she loves. Remember, she lets you continue to wear that 'favorite' shirt despite how terrible it looks.
8-No matter how busy and filled with committments your life is--have a "date night" every week and stick to it.
9-Hold her hand in public. Open the car door for her.
10-Make her laugh several times each day.

Most importantly--never take her or your marriage for granted. Remember, she could have done a lot better!

My hubby could have written all of these -- I love Christopher so much! He's my best friend, and I'm his best friend. Neither of us could imagine life without the other, and we're almost always together -- having tea and coffee from girly china sets (he loves it), opening doors for each other, and all that sappy, lovey, fun stuff!

[Detroitpete]

My hubby could have written all of these -- I love Christopher so much! He's my best friend, and I'm his best friend. Neither of us could imagine life without the other, and we're almost always together -- having tea and coffee from girly china sets (he loves it), opening doors for each other, and all that sappy, lovey, fun stuff!

Here's to a long, happy and contented marriage!

[Father Bill]

Our friend above spoke wisely of the difference between the wedding and the marriage and the friction that can come during the wedding part.

When I am preparing a young couple for a wedding, I always point that out and with regards to the wedding I point out to the groom that a large part of the goals of the wedding should be to make the bride happy. I say (with a grin and a wink) that he gets the bride when it's all over, so what does he care! She wins!

I also tell the couple that it's my job to take the stress during the ceremony. If they make a mistake, I'll take responsibility for it, and also for getting back on track.

Finally, if there's something they really want or don't want that their parents (most often her mother) disagree on, then check with me and they can probably tell the parent(s) "Father Bill insists on it that way." I'll gladly take the flack - I won't be related to them when it's all over.

[seanachie]

I read this thread with a little interest and was not going intending to add anything....but this morning my wife in a very indirect way reminded of this, so I'll add it.

My wife and I were married in July. The preceding Christmas, trying to keep with the tradition of Christmas surprises, my wife gave me my one and only tailored suit. I had my heart set on getting married in a kilt, but I knew where the gift came from and how much it meant to her so I never mentioned it at all. I was just glad (at that time) that I had not spent money on proper formal attire. I don't regret for a moment that I did not get to wear a kilt because the important part, getting married, was fulfilled. Over time she learned of my original plan, and in discussion it reminds both of us of the necessity of compromise and how to happily at times put yourself second.

[Father Bill]

I read this thread with a little interest and was not going intending to add anything....but this morning my wife in a very indirect way reminded of this, so I'll add it.

My wife and I were married in July. The preceding Christmas, trying to keep with the tradition of Christmas surprises, my wife gave me my one and only tailored suit. I had my heart set on getting married in a kilt, but I knew where the gift came from and how much it meant to her so I never mentioned it at all. I was just glad (at that time) that I had not spent money on proper formal attire. I don't regret for a moment that I did not get to wear a kilt because the important part, getting married, was fulfilled. Over time she learned of my original plan, and in discussion it reminds both of us of the necessity of compromise and how to happily at times put yourself second.

Well done!

[piperdbh]

I have no advice.
But I do have a collection of rooster theme dishes.

I'm not married of corse.

Pictures, Ted. We need pictures.

[bdkilted]

With two marriages under my belt, here is my advise.

Guys don't let your mother pick your wife, BUT don't marry any girl your mother dislikes. Remember she knows girls better than you do as she is one.

Girls, don't let your father pick your husband, BUT don't marry any guy your father dislikes. Remember he knows boys better than you do, as he is one.

I wish someone had given me this advise before my first marriage. My mother wanted me to marry someone who looked like her (I didn't!). I picked someone my mother couldn't stand, and didn't find out until after the marriage, what my mother sensed ( (and I didn't) was that she was a tramp.

My current wife, I picked but refused to ask her to marry me until my mother met and approved of her. My theory worked as we have been happily married for 22 years.

[MichaelPHahn]

Been married to my best friend, Tracy, for 26 years. If you ask her she will tell you that 23 of them have been wonderful (We are in agreement that #s 1, 7, & 23 were years of struggle). We think agreeing on which years is the indicator of our mutual commitment and love. Anyway, I think there has been much good advice. I think marriage is an amazing adventure and here is my addition to the collective wisdom:

1. The idea that it's 50/50 is a lie, and don't you buy it. Some days it's 5/95, so days it's the inverse, and some magical days it is an even split. The days I carry the biggest load are the days that I am the best lover, as well as the times I grow the most.
2. During a counseling session, at about month 11 of our marriage (Did I say that we are both from broken homes, did not have a clue how to do marriage, and survived by the grace of a very personal God who cares?) we were told to keep in mind that there are 4, not 2, people in the relationship. There is my image of Tracy, and the real Tracy, as well her image of Mike, and the real Mike. Let that sink in. Our biggest arguments are when we are dealing with false images, rather than our loving spouses!
3. A truly wondeful resource are the books of John & Stasi Eldredge (newest is "Love & War"). They write as though they were in you living room and they pull no punches.
4. Stealing fromthe Eldredges,and others, remember that her heart is asking "Am I captivating? Does he desire me (we are talking way beyond just physical stuff here people)?" And his heart is asking "Do I have what it takes? Does she respect and trust me?" Keep that in mind when dealing with each other. It certainly rings true in my marriage.
5. It is the adventure of a lifetime, but only when you work as partners for a lifetime. No deeper reward than knowing what it is like to love and be loved when you know each other in ways that take years of sharing.

End of sermon.

I apologize for typos and bad grammar. Decided to do this from my phone because this weekend is technology free - I have getaway with my wonderful, beautiful bride.