Advice for men about to be married

[Piper]

Speaking from 41 years in the marital trenches, my advice is that marriage doesn't "work", it has to be worked at. Nothing worthwhile comes easy. I'll also add a caveat, there is no statute of limitations in marriage. Anything you say (or do) may be held against you at any future time.
One additional comment. My Bride and I have been married for a bit over 41 years. I'd be lying if I said I've always been happy. But, I can guarantee you I've never been bored. I think boredom has destroyed more relationships than anything else.

[Drac]

Also remember that dispite the old saying "It's her day" it may not be.

Our wedding was her famlies day. We want a elopement to a small wedding. We ended up with a Disponsated church wedding with smells and bells and me being the only one not standing in line for the Sacriment. All for the Mother.

Remember you're not just gaining a wife you're gaining a family and they matter almost as much as her. Especially to her.

Jim

[Bugbear]

Pictures, Ted. We need pictures.

Actually, there are a few pictures right at the moment, up in the forum gallery, of me not being married.

[Bigkahuna]

Always kiss Goodnight and Good Morning. Always be able to tell her why you love her. She will ask.......often. Married 44 years.

[Standard]

Being married to my best friend for 23 years now we've learned a lot about each other that the first 4 years of knowing each other and dating couldn't come close to. Some of my observations from this time:
1. Everyday thank her for something that she did for you.
2. Hold hands in public, and whenever possible.
3. Remind her of how beautiful you think she is.
4. Tell her often of how glad you are to be married to her, and how much you love her.
5. Don't go to bed arguing with each other.
6. Be best friends, but give the other room to also be themself.
7. Always remember to have fun with each other.
We're proud of the fact that we've made it this far together, we've had a couple of rocky years, but many more great times than bad.

[Downunder Kilt]

There is a reason "err indoors" is more commonly known as "she that must be obeyed" and that's the way to stay happily married.

[imnothng]

and LISTEN to her.

just imagine a question like: "do i look fat in this?" and you say "yeas dear"

I always tell my wife the truth. If she looks fat, I tell her, if she looks ugly, I tell her, if she looks hot, I tell her. I've never understood why some guys would let their wife go out in public looking like crap.

On the other hand, I'll never understand all this best friend crap and love. I "love" two people in the world, and those are my kids. I really dig my wife, but in the grand scheme of things, I probably wouldn't "die" for her (if someone had a gun and said I'll shoot you or your wife, you decide). As she would say, I am heartless and emotionless.

To the person that said all that stuff about guys not changing and girls changing, was right on the mark.

Just a side note, we were married 8 years ago while she was three months pregnant.

[AFS1970]

Remember guys, that your wife started planning her dream wedding somewhere around age 2. At some point she met you and thought your head would look OK on the pictures she cut out of all those wedding magazines. In that regard we might as well be furniture. Our job is to show up at the appointed time and place.

That being said, no matter how long she planned it and how much attention to detail she gave it, there will be numerous things that just do not go right on your wedding day. This is where she will need that really strong piece of furniture to lean on.

If we can survive our own wedding day, there is little if anything that can harm the marriage itself.

[Zardoz]

Remember guys, that your wife started planning her dream wedding somewhere around age 2. At some point she met you and thought your head would look OK on the pictures she cut out of all those wedding magazines. In that regard we might as well be furniture. Our job is to show up at the appointed time and place.

AFS1970 is basically right, but...
Guys you really need to be part of the wedding planning, an equal part. Make your thoughts known, otherwise you may be that "furniture" for the rest of the marriage. When you see some wedding photos where the bride is sporting the 2000 dollar dress her mother wished she had worn years ago, and the guy is not only in a rental tux that reeks of years of frustrated prom nights, but has on a pink or lavender etc.. tie and vest to match the flowers or what ever. Not so much a man in formalwear as part of the decor!

I had a friend in this situation, he told the ladies running the show that he wanted to spend about 500 bucks to buy a tux and get it fitted, and they told him that was nuts, he'd never wear it agian etc..Whereas I'm sure the bride will get a lot of mileage out of her big *** fairy princess outfit!

You really gotta stand up for youself at that time, or it will take years to get any balance later!

Oh yeah, and our secrets to 21 years of happy marriage;

Don't sweat the small stuff,
No kids,
It's OK to have your own friends,
Don't argue about money problems, (no money, no problems!)
Occasional seperate vacations,

[xman]

Well everybody's gonna have some feel good advice for you, but some of us know better and I'd rather spare you the substanceless pleasantries about not going to bed mad, blah, blah, blah, because you did actually ask and I figure that's worth the truth.

1. Don't put up with any of her crap I'll tell you that for nothing. You're setting a dangerous precedent if you do. Be careful how you defend that front though. There are traps everywhere and if you think you may have fallen for one, chances are you're right. She may not even know she's doing it. She's genetically predisposed to test your loyalty, your fitness as a mate. Don't take it personally. It means that nature is trying to keep you on your toes.

2. Did you know that women use more emotionally tonal queues when they talk than men do? They're literally imparting information to one another that we can't understand. Personally that scares the crap out of me. Simply accept right now, as the many billions of husbands before you, that you will not figure women out and retreat to firmer ground. You are an insignificant sperm donor in the grand scheme of things. Accept it and be satisfied with your pea brained male capacity to cope amongst a lifebringer. That in its pathetic way is a kind of triumph. They're intoxicating creatures, but they're alien as well.

3. Information is power. Sometimes she's going to get mad at you for not understanding something which you can't, but it doesn't matter because it's a test of some kind and you won't know why. She may seem crazy at such times, but she's not, you're ignorant. There's nothing you can do about it either. Just know it's coming. It's useful to know her cycle better than she does. It's not foolproof, but it can help to predict when she is most likely to seem crazy to you if you can find a pattern in her behaviour. It's not much to go on, but it's all we have. If it works you can score some points by having chocolate on the right day, that sort of thing.

[/satire]