Shame and scandal

[cessna152towser]

I wouldn't worry, one thing I learned from genealogy research was that despite our parents moralising us against sex before marriage, it was almost the norm in ancestry research that the first born arrived around six weeks after the wedding. I also discovered a great great grandfather who was born illegitimate, married his second wife just a few weeks after his first wife died and his best man or witness at his second wedding was the second wife's brother who had also registered the death of the first wife. The said great great grandfather later committed suicide by hanging. I also have my suspicions that another great great grandfather may have been illegitimate and that the people shown on his death certificate as his parents were actually his grandparents.

[Dixiecat]

Families are fun aren't they?

Once when visiting my mother's relatives in Newfoundland, my uncle (who is the same age as my father - 78) told me a story of his grandfather who buried his first wife while standing on the grave of his second wife, holding his third wife by the hand.

Now, he said it in a tone that was to 'shock' me, but of course my generation was pretty liberal and divorce common. However, during the time that the story took place, probably around the turn of the century, divorce and co-habitation just did not happen in the very rural community of Burnt Point, Conception Bay, Newfoundland.

The story is actually very factual but leaves out the crucial part. His grandfather's first wife was lost in the barrens berry picking one September. After she was declared dead, he married his second wife. She died several years later and he married for a third time. It was during this time that the remains of his first wife were found and buried beside the second wife in the family plot.

All this from the innocent question regarding how he and I were related, the marriage to my aunt notwithstanding. It was my first lesson in one of Newfoundlands most endearing traditions. The question of 'who's your father?'

[tripleblessed]

I wouldn't worry, one thing I learned from genealogy research was that despite our parents moralising us against sex before marriage, it was almost the norm in ancestry research that the first born arrived around six weeks after the wedding.

I remember reading (no, I don't have the citation) an article about a doctoral dissertation on marriage practices in colonial America. The findings were that in 1725 about 70-75% of children were born out of wedlock. Mostly because of the remoteness of couples from ministers, but not completely. Community standards come and go, but people have been people for a VERY long time. In the reality, many of the aforesaid couples had been hand-fasted or jumped the broom to allow setting up house while waiting for a preacher, but nature trumps patience quite often.

Also, DNA testing indicates 10% of births in the US today and 8% worldwide are "non-paternal" events. Who's yer daddy? Good question. Questionable answers.

[Pleater]

My mother maintained that she was married on February 6th 1950, when in fact it was 1951 and I was born April 13th 51.

Father's mother was a primitive methodist and objected to her only son marrying a soldier's daughter. According to my father it took six months to persuade her to consent.

Illegitimacy seems to run in the family, as my mother's mother was herself illegitimate, her mother being a house maid and her father being sent to Canada as punishment and to get him out of the way.

I am not sure about the modern rules on the offspring of bigamous marriage. In English folktales the child of a woman duped into some kind of false marriage could be declared legitimate by the church - which was far more influential in the past.

I love the idea of spending ten pounds to find something out and then a hundred to hush it up. It was what people did.

Anne the Pleater :ootd:

[Chas]

Up until the early part of the twentieth century in India, infant mortality was extremely high. Most birth were not registered till the child was over five years old. It would take very foolish parents to make their children illegitimate when at registration all it took was for them to choose a convenient and safe date.

Regards

Chas

[Ian.MacAllan]

My opinion (if anyone cares) is that calling a child illegitimate is a heinous injustice, for it holds the child responsible for actions which it could not possibly have influenced.

.

[Dale-of-Cedars]

At least my kids know who their father is... No complaints from me about being put out for adoption; found my Mom and we're good.

From the other side of the family: My wife's grandfather, on being asked about others in the phonebook with similar last names to theirs: "We've got too many d*mn relatives, don't look for more!"

[super8mm]

As a adoptee what I know so far is not far off this

Mother single, dating 2 married men and one is probably my dad. I got this much in 1978 from one of the men but he wouldnt tell me who the other one was. Neither of them had seen my mom since 1951.

Cool thing is my DNA's closest matches are all related to the Lamont's and the gentleman I talked to has a variant of Lamont

I am waiting on the state of Colorado now to see if they can find my original birth certifacate

[Coinneach]

My favorite family story is my cousin's. She has three boys, all by the same man, her only husband. Each son has a different surname.

Dysfunction is a way of life for some families.