Mad as hell!

[Rampant Lion]

What I would do, is just simply have a pleasant chat; perhaps over coffee somewhere. Go wearing pants, but just ask her straight out what it is that bothers her about your kilt wearing. You two are good long-time friends so I think that she'd plainly tell you why. Tell her that you won't be offended by her answer, that you just want to understand. Once you find out why she is not comfortable with your kilt-wearing you can address it.

Thunderbolt mentioned that it is normal to men to wear kilts. I have to disagree. If kilt-wearing was normal you'd see more of them. In actuality, with your wearing a kilt, you're actually being odd/different/weird/strange. It has been over two years since I saw someone wearing a kilt that wasn't at a highland games or kilt night.

So I think the best idea is just to get it out in the open. Ask her why she doesn't like your kilt-wearing and once you have her response, just reply appropriately.

[RockyR]

I agree with rampant lion... Talk to her 1 on 1 about it. Tell her that you heard how she dwells on it and her comments make you uncomfortable as her friend. Ask her to respect your choice and please stop obsessing about it. Explain that you can take some good natured ribbing (and kind of expect it) but that she's crossed the line into full blown insulting.

[Captain Karrot]

Send her to this website...it puts it well...

http://s93583130.onlinehome.us/kiltedlife/support.html

[DireStraitsFan]

Thank you for all the well-thought comments.

Just to clarify for scottography: I have never worn it in her presence. She has never seen me in it. That makes her incredulity that much more dumbfounding.

Also to clarify: I am not gay. I have never worn women's clothing. I have no desire to. I am not looking for attention. I came to the kilt from a love of history, my ancestry, and all things British. I know you guys don't need to hear this, but to outsiders what we wear can come across as really strange. Some people are born without imaginations. And it can be so infuriating that people get so upset when you won't just follow the herd. I get p*ssed just thinking about it!

[James MacMillan]

So, the question is: how would you handle this situation?

I have not read anyone else's post, so I don't know where the others are leaning, not that it would change my opinion.

Several things that you need to know about wearing the kilt.

#1 It will initially draw attention to you. If you can't handle this attention (be it good or bad) don't wear the kilt.

#2 It is an extremely comfortable way of dressing.

#3 Many people have pre-conceived ideas about the kilt.

You need to examine just why you want to wear the kilt, and what price you are willing to pay for doing so.

You will get both positive and negative reactions from wearing the kilt. Those who are your true friends will accept your choice, those who are not true friends will not.

Some people are insecure, and need to ridicule others in an attempt to bolster their own self-esteem.

Be true to yourself, and worry less what others think. Examine your own motives and make a choice. Do you really want to wear the kilt? I think you may not yet be ready.

[Mr. MacDougall]

I suspect, based on my own experiences and her continued use of the word 'skirt,' that her issues are based on her expectation that kilt wearing is equivalent to cross-dressing, and she's upset that her image of you is in conflict with her image of cross-dressers. As with most of the others who have posted, my advice would be to meet with her, discuss it, and find out what the big deal is, in her mind.

Good luck!

[DireStraitsFan]

Do you really want to wear the kilt? I think you may not yet be ready.

I've been lurking here for over a year. I own 4 kilts of varying types. I am ready to wear it. Thanks.

Do I intend to wear it everyday? No. Silly question and judgement by the way. But thanks for the comment all the same.

[DireStraitsFan]

I suspect, based on my own experiences and her continued use of the word 'skirt,' that her issues are based on her expectation that kilt wearing is equivalent to cross-dressing, and she's upset that her image of you is in conflict with her image of cross-dressers. As with most of the others who have posted, my advice would be to meet with her, discuss it, and find out what the big deal is, in her mind.

Good luck!

Thanks Mac. Your posts reflect the wisdom of the man I am sure.

[Makeitstop]

I have a vaguely similar situation with a friend who simply cannot accept the kilt. She sees it as "cross dressing with an excuse" and it seems that part of her problem is that she can't stop her mind from wandering to somewhere under the kilt. I'm not saying this is the problem here, I don't have enough info to make any determination like that.

Anyway, the problem in my case stemmed from the fact that she was uncomfortable, and it put a strain on our friendship. I did not let her stop me from wearing the kilt, but I also tried to remain sensitive to her discomfort, and didn't rub it in her face either. And at the same time, I told her just how pissed off I was about the way she had been treating me.

Things have recently gotten better. Part of this is probably because she is gradually getting used to the kilt, but more of it has to do with the fact that I have done several very nice, selfless things for her, and I have been there for her when she was having a hard time, despite the fact that she knows that I am still quite mad and feel betrayed. We aren't out of the woods yet, but things are looking up.

So my advice to you is a bit complicated. To know exactly how to react requires an understanding of the problem. You know her better than I do obviously, so ask yourself, is she acting like the kilt is funny? Gross or disturbing? A sign of schizophrenia? Just plain odd? Or does this in some way match a pattern of behavior that just hasn't been focused on you before, such as gossip?

The big question is, does the kilt offend her in some way, or is she fairly neutral and just being weird or insensitive? If she finds the kilt to be unpleasant, than while you must not let her control you, you should also be sensitive to her. You may very well be causing her as much discomfort as she is causing for you. In that case you will probably want to find the root of the problem, and while you may be able to help by explaining certain things such as cultural issues and comfort (if she is ok with rather crass descriptions, it can go a long way to be as blunt and detailed as possible about the effects of bifurcation on dangly parts), her problem is almost certainly irrational in nature, and will probably not be solved through reason alone. Changing irrational attitudes takes time and patience.

If she is not really uncomfortable with the kilt however, then she is just being cruel and insensitive. If that is the case, a stronger response may be needed. A firm "cut the crap" kind of attitude should let her know that this is unacceptable and that you expect that if she is any kind of a friend she will be a bit more respectful in the future.

In either case I recommend wearing the kilt with pride (though not necessarily to her party, that's a judgment call I can't make for you) but not making it the center of attention. It can be a hard line to walk, but it gets easier with time. Essentially wear the kilt like you would any pair of pants and don't give it another thought. But when attacked, be strong and proud in your glorious kilt. Don't let them get to you, you're the one with the balls to wear what you want.

And if she is really bugging you, calling her on it. Whether this takes the form of a private, oprahesque conversation about your feelings, a simple "shut it or I'll kick your teeth in" or anything in between depends on your personalities and the nature of your relationship. However you go about it though, make sure she understands that you don't like what she is doing, and that she is harming your friendship with her insensitive remarks. Don't be a jerk, but remain firm and clear about how you expect your friends to treat you.

In the end it all comes down to respect. They don't have to like the kilt. They don't have to accept the kilt. But they do have to respect you, and that is incompatible with the kind of behavior you have described.

And that cuts both ways. You don't have to like their opinion, or obey it in anyway, but you may have to accept that they (for whatever reason) have trouble coping with your new clothing choice, and out of respect for them, show a bit of tact. It sucks, but it may be the reality of the situation.

[Rigged]

Well, if she's never seen you in it, and all she's heard from others is that you're wearing a skirt, then maybe it's time for her to see how you look in said "skirt". Once she sees for herself that you aren't trying to look like a school-girl, she's likely to change her opinion -- or not. But at least then her opinion is based on something other than hearsay and you can have a realistic conversation about it.