Kilt or no? Group input sought...

[bubba]

For her birthday I'd honor her wishes. As has been said, it's her birthday and she won't be around forever.

[bear]

That's a toughie!
If it was me, I'd wear the kilt. I hold my own opinion of myself higher than anyone else's. That's not ego; that's individuality. I'd stick to my guns and if she was offended, I'd leave. I have to be happy with myself or nobody else will be.
I don't know that the fact that it's her birthday gives her the right to tell a grown man how to dress. Especially when he's bringing a present and honouring her birthday.
Does her age have any bearing on the question? Respect your elders is a good policy but it doesn't mean obey your elders. You can respect her opinion of kilts without obeying her wishes about how or where you wear them.
She won't be around forever. None of us will. But will she be telling you what to wear five years from now? Ten?
Is she the kind of woman who will respect you more for doing as you please, instead of she asks?

Keep in mind all the above is from a guy who is kilted full time and hates being told what to do.
You will have to decide for yourself what to do, of course. Any opinions or advise you get will be no more than different viewpoints with which to look at the problem. As my opinion seemed to be different than most of the others, I thought I'd better add it.

My personal life philosophy is to remind myself that I am doomed to die. As I know I'll eventually die, I enjoy life more and live it fuller, in accordance with my own personal code of honour.
I could do nothing but wear my kilt or stay home.

[Graham]

I hold my own opinion of myself higher than anyone else's. That's not ego; that's individuality.

Sometimes that can be selfishness. There are times we need to think of others before ourselves.

[bear]

I hold my own opinion of myself higher than anyone else's. That's not ego; that's individuality.

Sometimes that can be selfishness. There are times we need to think of others before ourselves.

Agreed. I let up on my individuality where I see the need.
But I don't think her telling him what to wear because it doesn't suit her tastes is one of those times.
Where is her respect for his wishes?
Who is being selfish in this case? Him as an adult man for wanting to dress as he sees fit, or her for asking him to dress as she sees fit?
I insist that respect be reciprocal, no matter the person's age. While I will cut some slack to my elders, I will not be treated like a child and allow anyone to tell me what to wear, no matter their age.
Life is too short to worry about what others think of me!
Many of us have gone through the jitters of being new to wearing a kilt and come out of it more confident in our everyday lives. Why? Because we learned that wearing a kilt wasn't really very hard to do.
Some of us had to, and continue to, wear kilts in spite of family member's reactions and opinions. I don't see anything different in this case, excepting age and a birthday.
It is still Mychael's choice as to what to wear. We all chose to wear a kilt for various reasons. But we chose to do so, not someone else.
The choice not to wear a kilt must also be our own.

[Donnie]

Is the day hers? IMHO sometimes it's better not to draw attention away from whatever is going on. Wearing a kilt can do that very thing. I vote for "Don't upset Grandma". Let her have her special day, there will be lots of other times to wear the kilt!

[Kilted_John]

I gotta agree with Bear on this... Like Bear, I don't like being told what to do. I'm not as full time with kilting as he is. Sometimes I will wear shorts. But, very rarely... That said, Mychael, your grandmother does sound quite a bit like my sister and like my mother... Strangely enough, my grandmother, who is Russian, likes my kilts and loved my long hair... Thought it looked very nice on me... Whereas, whenever I was in public with my mother, she'd always say that she was "warming up to it" when other people would ask how she felt about me being kilted. I asked her why. She felt that I looked quite feminine with long hair and said that the kilt added to it (which we all know isn't true, since a kilt is a very masculine garment).

Needless to say, at the end of October, to appease my sister who felt I was telling her to "*&^% off" with the kilts and my long hair, I fell into a trap and agreed to get a haircut. So, I went from having mid-back length hair to having shoulder-length bangs with a short cut on the back of my head. Looked terrible. 8 months later, it was finally starting to get back to normal after dealing with the layered mess for about 6 months... Then, my sister & mother were perusing my computer for some reason, and found some stuff (which shall remain mystery here) on it. My mother demanded that she be allowed to cut my hair again. I didn't fight back and try to keep my individuality. Instead, I appeased her. Now, I'm now back to square zero. Normal short haircut. Looks even worse than it did in October. Got at least a year, maybe 18 months before it'll be back to where it was before the October cut, and probably 9 months before I'll have a decent ponytail again.

I say, be yourself. If she truly doesn't want you kilted, don't go. Yes, some family members will probably get upset with you, but, better to be yourself than their image of what they think you are, which is likely to be something outdated and no longer accurate... Which definitely is the case with me... If they truly had their way, I wouldn't have facial hair, I'd still be wearing jeans all the time, and I would have my current haircut.
-J

[Ugly Bear]

The answer is obvious. Shave your head and wear the kilt.

Well, the answer was obvious to ME, anyway.

[richardljohnson]

The answer is always easier when the problem is someone elses!

While I was also brought up to respect my elders, listen and learn from them I was also taught, "to thy own self be true".

I have got to go with Bear and the others of this side. From my own past I have learned that older family members don't like to have the tree shaken and they also feel that they know best what is best for you. While I'm sure you love and respect her, she needs to have enough love and respect for you to trust your judgement. I have a shaved head and wear a kilt (whenever possible...the work thing gets in the way!). Some of my relatives think I should grow my hair and wear a 3 piece suit. I am being true to myself. I still love them and respect them but it's my life and life experience....

RLJ-

[Mychael Sporrano]

Wow! Some varied feedback on the topic of 'freedom of choice'!! Thanks all for your reply to my request for advice. Excellent advice, all.

Well I figured it was her day and not mine so I respected her wishes.I did wear it earlier but not at the wedding and I'll tell you about that later.

Do tell...

When my older sister was married, her husband (who hated beards) required me to shave to come to the wedding.

That is an interesting request (requirement) to see printed on a wedding invitation. I am curious to know if your lack of attendance at the wedding had any consequences, immediate or otherwise. Here is the big question: Who came off as the jerk in this situation? The fellow who refused to prove his devotion to his family by honoring an absolutely inane request, or the fellow who made the inane request? Do you have to have dinner with this fellow on Boxing or Anzac days? [What in the heck is Anzac day, anyway?!]

I don't know that the fact that it's her birthday gives her the right to tell a grown man how to dress. Especially when he's bringing a present and honouring her birthday.
Does her age have any bearing on the question? Respect your elders is a good policy but it doesn't mean obey your elders. You can respect her opinion of kilts without obeying her wishes about how or where you wear them.

See, this is a very good point. I wouldn't expect to tell a person how to dress unless we're talking my kids and their attire is not appropriate for climate or event. Anyway, in this case I was not told directly. My wife was the recipient and subsequent messenger of the preference.

Age mattering? We all have our ideals, and while it seems easy in abstract to draw firm lines between right and wrong, it is not such a no-brainer in practice. I want to say that age counts, if only for reasons of respect. Now, being Grandma counts, certainly, and as XCop put it, being Queen for a Day is probably the largest consideration here.

Personally, if someone is bringing me a gift, they can dress as they wish!

The answer is obvious. Shave your head and wear the kilt. Well, the answer was obvious to ME, anyway.

Ha!

Some of my relatives think I should grow my hair and wear a 3 piece suit.

"GrROW your hair!" Now, that is one I have never heard before!

i'll live an die in a denim shirt. i haven't worn anything but a denim shirt for the last 6 years. but if Grandma expressed her desire for me to wear an Oxford for her birthday, i surely would. no matter how much it pains me.

Once again, Queen for the day. Is it a combination of being old, being Grandma, and being the B'day girl? In other words, can mom or day or sis request the Oxford on their respective birthdays?

Then, my sister & mother were perusing my computer for some reason, and found some stuff (which shall remain mystery here) on it. My mother demanded that she be allowed to cut my hair again. I didn't fight back and try to keep my individuality.

A hard drive atrocity, huh? My curiosity is certainly piqued here. Uh, maybe not... Anyway, you know what they say about giving in to blackmail...



Okay all, I decided to get to the root of the matter and moments ago called Grandma directly under the pretense of confirming tomorrow's dinner. It will only be attended by my immediate family and my father, by the way.

I asked her if she was planning on dressing up as nicely as she always does when we go out, and them used that as a seque to ask her directly if she minded my dressing up for the occasion as well. When I mentioned the kilt she laughed nervously, something I have never really heard her do before. She tends to be forthright, but it is obvious that she is not entirely comfortable with this.

She told me to dress like I want to dress, an answer that was not very satisfying. I pressed her again and she said,"Sure,why not. Let's see what folks think because I don't think that any of them around here have seen a kilt before. Dress like you want to dress."

From her tone I can tell that she would rather I wear the standard Dockers and nice shirt. But I am sensing some wiggle room here. Since the kids are going to be in their kilts I am leaning towards wearing mine but wish to talk it over with my wife after she reads through the entirety of this thread.

I'll be back in touch. Meanwhile, any further input is certainly welcome.

Mychael

[macwilkin]

The more I read, the more I agree with Bear and Richard, but another post (can't remember who posted it!) said something to the effect of: "what consequences are you willing to live with?" I had to deal with this very question a couple of weeks ago.

My brother-in-law decided to get married on the same weekend as our annual Robert Burns Dinner. I had already agreed to do the Address to the Haggis at our dinner, and I am one of the organisers of the event, so needless to say, I was not too happy with my brother-in-law, who knew that I was already committed that weekend (we plan our Burns Nichts out a year in advance, and he got engaged in April) -- I have always believed in honouring the first commitment you make, but then I would be between the devil and the deep blue sea, as my wife wants to go to the wedding to see her father and uncle and all of the family from Louisiana. She also knows how important Burns Nicht is to me, and hated that someone's feelings were going to be hurt.

Thankfully, she came up with a compromise: she proposed that we hold a wee Burns Nicht in our house with about 10-12 friends, and that way, I would not miss Burns Nicht, and we could go to the wedding.

My suggestion would be: wear the kilt, but do not wear it casually -- dress to the nines and show everyone how sharp the kilt can be. Mention that the kilt is worn for "celebratory" occasions in Scotland, especially ones involving the "clan" or family, and that this is your way to pay tribute to your own clan by wearing a garment that symbolises family loyalty.

Cheers and guid luck!

T.