The Only Kiltie at a Wedding

[Aggie]

I've been the only kilted person at a wedding. I informed the groom ahead of time that I was coming kilted and he didn't object. I got compliments from the younger crowd and some odd looks from the older generation (Czech). The Bride didn't seem at all upstaged.

[Packhound]

I'm glad that this question was asked. My wife's niece is getting married next summer in Lake Geneva, WI and I was considering the possibility of going kilted. (If I can get it past my wife. She is still getting used to the idea of me being kilted.)

Lots of great advice here. Now I know how to go about it.

Again, thanks for asking this question.

Rob

[kypnkilt]

I went to my step-daughters wedding kilted and was the only one that had one on. I did not wear a PC jacket since I was not really part of the wedding party. Her brother gave her away, so I really had no "function". Though I agree, a Argyle Jacket would have been better suited, but in my case I just wore a waistcoat instead. The bride had no problem with me wearing a kilt and I did ask her first to make sure it would be OK. I did get a lot of nice comments and questions, but I did not really take anything away from the brides' moment. I pretty much hung out in the wings and played down somewhat that I was kilted to make sure to "direct attention" to the bride. I pretty much followed the advice of those here on this forum prior to the wedding and it worked out quite well I think. But I do agree with McMurdo that a PC jacket to a wedding as a guest is over-kill.

[Colin]

I have been the only kilted guest at the last 4-5 weddings I have attended. It's what I wear when I dress up. I have had a few compliments at each wedding and the bride and groom have always been happy that I put effort into looking my best for their day. It's pretty hard to upstage most brides just by looking well put together.

[Freelancer]

I really appreciate all your helpful comments. Many thanks for sharing!

[Dixiecat]

You do not need to ask anyone whether or not you can wear a kilt. (You would not ask permission to wear any other garment, surely?) But you do need to know what kind of wear is expected (formal, semi-formal, casual). As is said many time so on XMarks, the kilt can be dressed up or dressed down.

This.

People are under the mistaken perception that since it's 'the bride's day' that she can dictate what every guest will be wearing. As a GUEST, your responsibility is to pay respect and honour to your hostess by dressing appropriately for the occasion. The most you should discern about the wedding is the overall tone (casual, semi-formal, formal, etc) and modify your attire accordingly.

I'm confused as to why people would even bother to ask the bride's permission to wear the kilt. I just finished reading the thread by the gentleman whose wife is 'down on the whole kilt thing' and some of the responses were strongly worded. The gist of the thread being that the wife's attitude needs gentle readjusting. How is it that the bride gets more power than the wife?

I believe that it's none of the bride's business what you wear, but as a guest that you don't step over the line of decency. Do you honestly believe that a kilt is indecent enough that you have to ask someone's permission to wear it?

I tend to get carried away about stuff like this so I apologise if I have offended anyone.

[Splinty]

People are under the mistaken perception that since it's 'the bride's day' that she can dictate what every guest will be wearing. As a GUEST, your responsibility is to pay respect and honour to your hostess by dressing appropriately for the occasion. The most you should discern about the wedding is the overall tone (casual, semi-formal, formal, etc) and modify your attire accordingly.

Dixie, while I concede the point that the bride doesn't control her guests and indeed they are guests, her wedding is one of, if not the most important day in her life. I think kilts are great, all of us here do. There are many reasons why a bride would prefer that a guest not wear a kilt. Each is individual and may be perfectly reasonable. Even if it isn't reasonable, is it worth it to potentially upset others to wear it?

The point is that it's the courteous thing to do to ask. Most brides won't have a problem with it (as evidenced by the experience of most of the posters). If there is a reason the bride or groom wouldn't want kilts at their wedding, the guest should have enough consideration for the people they are there to celebrate with to abstain from wearing one.

[Zardoz]

well....In my time as kilt wearer I've been the only kilted guest at quite a few events! concerts, dinners, award ceremonies, weddings, and a couple funerals come to think of it. Although I have run into other kilties at a wedding before, I'm used to the fact that generally I'm "the kilt guy" at most 'non-Celtic' events I might show up at. I'm sure many of our members have the same feeling. I figure if you dress correctly for the time and type of event, and comport yourself as a gentleman, the rest will take care of itself.

About the wedding guest thing, I'll be honest and say it has never crossed my mind to ask the bride or anyone in the wedding party how I should dress. I doubt the folks that always seem to show up to weddings (and other formal stuff) wearing t-shirts and jeans, shorts, sandals, or tube-tops ran their classy wardrobe combo past the bride before they got dressed in the dark that morning.

In fact at my brother in-laws wedding the bride asked my wife if I was gonna be kilted, because she and her mother would be bummed if I wasn't! As you can see I didn't let them down, and the bride here and about half the ladies there had to get a picture.

[Rex_Tremende]

If a bride is more concerned about spoiling "her day" than contemplating the solemnity of the occasion, or cannot accept unconditionally the support of loving witnesses, or celebrate without fretting over the minutia of other people's choices (shopping list - I mean wedding registry - notwithstanding), then someone's in a heap of trouble. It is not "her day." It is the couple's first day, and the village has been invited to help them along.

Brides may have caught on that this is my view on the matter, as I no longer receive wedding invitations.

Consult any book on etiquette, and you will see that it is a host's responsibility is to make her guests feel welcome and at ease. Likewise, it is the guest's responsibility to avoid creating awkward situations for the host, like piling all the broccoli on his plate before anyone else has had a chance to take even a floret. With consideration, this can all be done without having to consult one another.

But if a guest were to be so thoughtless as to show up at someone's fête wearing merely diaper, the gracious host will say, "Oh, what lovely pins you are wearing. I'm afraid it may get chilly in here with the air conditioning. May I offer you a blanket? Let me freshen your sippy cup." See here how she has complimented the guest, expressed concern for his well-being, cleverly devised a solution to spare the other guests their embarrassment, and can slip him a Mickey in order to head off any further impropriety.

Regards,
Rex.

[Dixiecat]

The point is that it's the courteous thing to do to ask

Why? Would you call and ask if your wife could wear a pantsuit? Would you call her if you had to wear runners with your suit because your arthritis was acting up? Do you need to call her to see if you could wear your boxers? Would you call and ask if you could wear the purple tie with the pink polka dots?

I'm getting carried away with the examples, but I honestly don't understand why you are giving the bride so much power over your wardrobe. By calling the bride and asking her permission, you are giving her control of something that is none of her business. She may prefer that a guest didn't wear a kilt, but she can't control it, and to impose that much will on someone is actually rude no matter how reasonable her request is.

Now, if you were in the wedding party, immediate family, officiator, performer, etc., I'd concede that you would have a point. But, a guest is under no obligation to wear what his/hostess dictates. The bride may set the tone for the type of dress that you would wear, but not every detail of the clothing of every guest. And even then, you are not obligated to comply.


copied from a wedding etiquette website:

Question Can the bride make it mandatory on the invitation for all male guests to wear a tuxedo?

Answer
What wedding guests choose to wear is ultimately up to the individual guest. Certainly, the bride and groom can decide on a very formal wedding reception (ie. black tie) and while that will strongly encourage male guests to wear dark suits/tuxedos, there is still no guarantee that every single male wedding guest will show up at the reception wearing a tuxedo. This right belongs to each individual male guest.