A Rhyme-Off; Trad v. Contemp.

[Bigkahuna]

I think that i shall never see, a kiltie looking good as me. With flowing hair and stong of arm, in flowing tartan, ladies charm. With shining dirk and skeaning dhub, you all are wishing I was you.

[MacKay71]

These are all pretty good. Too bad I don't have the ability to contribute.

[joeyriv]

Seems like the "modern" guys are getting the smackdown. Let me join the fray...

Deep pockets to hold my frosty brew,
You scoff at my kilt, for it's style is new
But think of the history, if you learned it in school,
Unless you've a Great Kilt, made outta wool,
That "traditional" you wear was "contempo" too!

[joeyriv]

Another limerick for the UK

A new kind of MUG from a guy in Seattle,
What's underneath? Well I'll never tattle.
To you good Sirs it's silly and lame,
Ladies love to do kilt checks just the same,
So pass a pint; let's be on with this battle!

[KFCarter]

Another limerick for the UK

A new kind of MUG from a guy in Seattle,
What's underneath? Well I'll never tattle.
To you good Sirs it's silly and lame,
Ladies love to do kilt checks just the same,
So pass a pint; let's be on with this battle!

Pass a pint, indeed! Two well-placed volleys!

[MacLowlife]

( A true Samurai can change sides )
I choose utility
No plaids or checks for me
Canvas is good
Long may your boot tops be
Your calves, ungartered, free
Got pockets, snaps, and modesty, as all men should.

[KFCarter]

( A true Samurai can change sides )
I choose utility
No plaids or checks for me
Canvas is good
Long may your boot tops be
Your calves, ungartered, free
Got pockets, snaps, and modesty, as all men should.

That's the spirit. Well done!

And not one to leave a challenge unmet...Here's my attempt from the "other side of the plate"... with deep apologies to both Gilbert and Sullivan:

I am the very model of a kilt-wearing traditional,
My vest is tight, my rules are right and border superstition-al
I’ve met the Lord of Lyon and know many feathered armigers
And shoot my share of heather hare and nesting pairs of ptarmig-ers
I’ve memorized all thread counts in the Scottish tartan registry
I’ve catalogued each member and their claim to Gaelic pedigree
Can tell a tartan blindfold by the feeling of its warp and woof
And know the Latin names of Scottish fauna, winged or finned or hoofed
And know the Latin names of Scottish fauna, winged or finned or hoofed,

And know the Latin names of Scottish fauna, winged or finned or hoofed.

And know the Latin names of Scottish fauna, winged or finned or finned or hoofed
I’m very good at critical analysis of your wardrobe-ry
And withering your interest in all store-bought forms of heraldry
In short in matters kilt-ical, historical and clan-ical
I am the very model of a kilt-wearing traditional


I know the pleated history of both families and regiments
I know the kilt-wear habits of the Royals and the Presidents
I speak perfect Gaelic, and know all the Scottish dancing turns
And sing in sleep the canon of the bonnie poet Robert Burns
I can tell a Gordon from a Black Watch at a mile, true
And whistle every pipe tune (both the chanter and a drone or two)
Then I can sew and knit and carve each article of kilting wear
And do so while I calculate each pleat width like a Lucas Chair
And do so while he calculates each pleat width like a Lucas Chair

And do so while he calculates each pleat width like a Lucas Chair

And do so while he calculates each pleat width like a Lucas Lucas Chair
It's never said that I might ply a trade in tartan snobbery
I’d sooner admit guilt to mail fraud or arm-ed robbery
In short in matters kilt-ical, historical and clan-ical
I am the very model of a kilt-wearing traditional
In short in matters kilt-ical, historical and clan-ical
He is the very model of a kilt-wearing traditional.

[Ryan Ross]

That's the spirit. Well done!

And not one to leave a challenge unmet...Here's my attempt from the "other side of the plate"... with deep apologies to both Gilbert and Sullivan:

I am the very model of a kilt-wearing traditional,
My vest is tight, my rules are right and border superstition-al
I’ve met the Lord of Lyon and know many feathered armigers
And shoot my share of heather hare and nesting pairs of ptarmig-ers
I’ve memorized all thread counts in the Scottish tartan registry
I’ve catalogued each member and their claim to Gaelic pedigree
Can tell a tartan blindfold by the feeling of its warp and woof
And know the Latin names of Scottish fauna, winged or finned or hoofed
And know the Latin names of Scottish fauna, winged or finned or hoofed,

And know the Latin names of Scottish fauna, winged or finned or hoofed.

And know the Latin names of Scottish fauna, winged or finned or finned or hoofed
I’m very good at critical analysis of your wardrobe-ry
And withering your interest in all store-bought forms of heraldry
In short in matters kilt-ical, historical and clan-ical
I am the very model of a kilt-wearing traditional


I know the pleated history of both families and regiments
I know the kilt-wear habits of the Royals and the Presidents
I speak perfect Gaelic, and know all the Scottish dancing turns
And sing in sleep the canon of the bonnie poet Robert Burns
I can tell a Gordon from a Black Watch at a mile, true
And whistle every pipe tune (both the chanter and a drone or two)
Then I can sew and knit and carve each article of kilting wear
And do so while I calculate each pleat width like a Lucas Chair
And do so while he calculates each pleat width like a Lucas Chair

And do so while he calculates each pleat width like a Lucas Chair

And do so while he calculates each pleat width like a Lucas Lucas Chair
It's never said that I might ply a trade in tartan snobbery
I’d sooner admit guilt to mail fraud or arm-ed robbery
In short in matters kilt-ical, historical and clan-ical
I am the very model of a kilt-wearing traditional
In short in matters kilt-ical, historical and clan-ical
He is the very model of a kilt-wearing traditional.

Do you write these things professionally?

...because if not, you should look into it.

[KFCarter]

Do you write these things professionally?

...because if not, you should look into it.

Thanks... I haven't done this specific thing professionally but made a living as a screenwriter for 10 yrs or so and still do that on the side. However, my staff and I (we run a theatre) do enjoy writing our "alt-lyrics" for musicals, etc. We're currently working on a show about Lord of the Rings characters on the American praire: "Elf-klahoma"

Some see it as a talent; others see it as a syndrome needing treatment.

[Ryan Ross]

Thanks... I haven't done this specific thing professionally but made a living as a screenwriter for 10 yrs or so and still do that on the side. However, my staff and I (we run a theatre) do enjoy writing our "alt-lyrics" for musicals, etc. We're currently working on a show about Lord of the Rings characters on the American praire: "Elf-klahoma"

Some see it as a talent; others see it as a syndrome needing treatment.

...and another piece of the puzzle falls gently into place. I thought you were too good at adapting lyrics to be a rank amature. Very cool.

...and a great thread idea this was, as well.