Your worst puns

[Really a McQueen]

A pinniped escaped from the zoo. ....

You picked a fine time to leave us, you seal.

[Mikilt]

My dog won't drink plain tap water.

He's a Scottish Perrier.

[Mikilt]

With her blue ribbon pumpkin she said, “Oh my gourd!”
The carpenter was perpetually board
I’m partial to fractions if the topic is math
Crazy people take the psychopath

At the Cliffs of Dover, chalk is steep
I bought some chickens for really cheep
Your nose is the scenter of your face
He counted uno, dos, and disappeared without a tres

An over the top soiree was feted
The rhythmic dishwashers were sinkopated
My vegetable pot sprung a leek
Seven day with no pun makes one weak

Holding your horses is a tale of whoa
The bison population hit a new buffa-low
Spilled Spot remover on my dog
My xmas diary is a yule log

The wine taster had a blanc stare
My fruit’s pared down to a pair of pears
I wholeheartedly love artichokes
The poor composer was baroque

[Mikilt]

The vegan fortune teller read my taro

[Kiltedjohn]

Came across these un"bear"able puns while on holiday.


http://s1382.photobucket.com/user/jo...tml?sort=3&o=1

This one is particularly relevant to kilt-wearers.

http://s1382.photobucket.com/user/jo...tml?sort=3&o=0

(I had no end of difficulty getting the links to work. I hope they work now!)

[GrainReaper]

It would behoove you to avoid the streets during the Pamplona encierro.

[Mikilt]

Are you a fan of music puns? Well, aria?

[Kiltedjohn]

Many years ago, I came across a book with the title "The World's Worst Jokes". A few have stuck in my mind:-

"The police are looking for a man with one eye." "Typical inefficiency!"

And then there was the cannibal who grilled his mother-in-law at the wedding reception.

And then there was the cannibal who had chronic indigestion, because he kept eating people who disagreed with him."

"Where will I catch a number 27 bus?" "Right in the back of the neck, if you don't step off the pavement."

"How long will the next bus be?" "Thirty-two foot six inches."

"There's a man at the door with a nasty look on his face." "Tell him I've already got one."

"The invisible man's at the door." "Tell him I can't see him today."

Correction: The cannibal TOASTED his mother-in-law at the wedding reception. Makes much better sense.

[Mikilt]

The old composer could only write in 3/4 time.

He had waltztimers disease.

[Blupiper]

Many years ago, I came across a book with the title "The World's Worst Jokes". A few have stuck in my mind:-



And then there was the cannibal who grilled his mother-in-law at the wedding reception.

And then there was the cannibal who had chronic indigestion, because he kept eating people who disagreed with him."

These always remind me of a Robin Williams joke: "Two cannibals are boiling up a clown and one turns to the other:
'does this taste funny to you?'"

JMB