A little ticked....

duchessofnc · 15th November 08, 06:45 PM

I'm tossing my two cents into this... but I do not advocate my advice as being I am seriously flawed and I am highly arrogant at times when it comes to my own insane family. If you are very attached at the concept of having Thanksgiving dinner with your family, then I would say you should go but go as you normally would which I assume is kilted.

My attitude is family should accept each other, warts and all. Whether they agree of disagree. But ultimately I have the arrogant attitude that if someone is going to not come to Thanksgiving, it would be the one who has issues with my dress code. And if it's someone spoiled and used to getting everything they want... my resolve would become very unflexible. But once again that is just me. Your family should be respectful of your choices... especially your brother. Because you are respectful (I assume) for his desire to wear pants by not calling him a sheep (no offense to the animal itself).

**Nighthawk** · 15th November 08, 06:48 PM

Originally Posted by duchessofnc

I'm tossing my two cents into this... but I do not advocate my advice as being I am seriously flawed and I am highly arrogant at times when it comes to my own insane family. If you are very attached at the concept of having Thanksgiving dinner with your family, then I would say you should go but go as you normally would which I assume is kilted.

My attitude is family should accept each other, warts and all. Whether they agree of disagree. But ultimately I have the arrogant attitude that if someone is going to not come to Thanksgiving, it would be the one who has issues with my dress code. And if it's someone spoiled and used to getting everything they want... my resolve would become very unflexible. But once again that is just me. Your family should be respectful of your choices... especially your brother. Because you are respectful (I assume) for his desire to wear pants by not calling him a sheep (no offense to the animal itself).

The more I get to know you, the more I like you. You have summed up my attitude exactly.

**celtic cowboy** · 15th November 08, 08:44 PM

Well I guess I have some question's to answer. If (and by saying that I will more than likely) I wear a kilt, as I do everyday, Kilt, pressed shirt, tie (maybe), of course, shoes, hose, flashes, the same I would wear any time simi-formal is called for. I am of course upset that we are eating at a resturant, I love to cook, and I fry a mean bird. The wife would more than likely wear a dinner skirt, nice shirt. The boy if he wants, kilt, dress shirt, hose and the like. I feel that this being a day when we are supposed to give thanks, I am thankfull for being Scottish, and am proud to be married to a Scot/Irish gal. We wolud dress some what like this:

I might ad a waistcoat to this if I get one it time.

**sirdaniel1975** · 15th November 08, 09:27 PM

My friend Aaron.

As you know I have experienced some of your strife on this issue whilst in your presence. I have always felt that you handle these situations better than I do. It is such a shame that your family goes to such lengths to belittle you for something that brings you, your wife and son such joy and pride. I personally get to witness this on a weekly basis. I'm going to refrain from using certain adjectives and metaphors and just say this: "The kilt is the National garment for persons of Scotland and Scottish heritage"!

**RockyR** · 15th November 08, 09:42 PM

I like KCW's suggestion of letting them know that you'll come in pants to T-giving, but at Xmas, you WILL be kilted. Gives them time to "absorb" the idea.

On another note, as others have said, there may be an underlying issue with your brother.

WIth MY brother, we joke around a lot and sometimes don't know where the 'line' is. Often I cross it and all it takes is a little frank discussion to put us back in each others good graces.

While I don't know your situation, may I suggest a direct, honest, heartfelt and candid discussion with your brother AFTER thanksgiving (don't even BRING the kilt thing up with him until after the thanksgiving meal... maybe the week after). Explain why it is important to you and that he's crossed a line. You respect the way he dresses, acts etc and don't try to change who he is or what he cares about. You would appreciate the same respect in return and mocking something you feel strongly about is not the way you want to interact.

If he can't respect you and have a serious 1 on 1 conversation, then you could learn a thing or 2 about how he thinks of you. Also, have a discussion with 'mom' after the fact to make sure she knows you're trying to take the high road. It's always good to have mom in your corner!

**Mark Keeney** · 15th November 08, 10:55 PM

I think giving you advice on what to wear would be silly because only you will know what is best.

When I am in a situation like this I like to step back and figure out what I would to come of the situation. What I realistically want for the final outcome. Then I can work backwards and figure a way for that to happen.

If they call it a skirt and it bothers you, then you call it a skirt too. That takes the power away from the word when anyone uses it because they see it doesn't bother you. They don't have to know it does.

Your family may be trying to protect you by trying to convince you to wear pants. Society can be closed minded to people who are different and they may be afraid for you.

But as I said only you really know what is right. Just step back and look at the big picture.

**Tetley** · 16th November 08, 12:54 AM

I do not think that I am alone in my thinking, but given the choice between friends and family, the friends win every time. I am fortunate in that I am friends with 4 out of the other 5 members of my family but not to the point that I let them tell me what to do or not to do.

As far as the 5th member of the family is concerned, if I never see that person again it will not concern me at all. If I had met that person but not as a family member, if you see what I mean, I would not have bothered to give that person the time of day. Why should I do so just because that person is a member of my family?

To me this is a nonsense.

I once managed to avoid this person for nearly 20 years and was tricked into meeting up with them again at a meal.

Family?

Who needs them?

Now, that does not mean to say that I do not respect the opinion of others to who the family is very important, because I do.

But...

I do not let anyone, family or friend, tell me what to do or not to do. It is my life and my decision.

And as for making promises on my behalf, how inconsiderate and arrogant that is. What right does anyone have to do that? Your wife/husband/Significant Other/partner* perhaps in minor matters but even here in matter of import, they should consult.

Ask yourself the question, if the situation was reversed and you treated your family the way they treat you, would they be as accepting as they expect you to be?

No?

Then why should you?

<set rant off>

Mark

(*delete as applicable)

**ThistleDown** · 16th November 08, 01:43 AM

CC, go with your heart. Just know that you have something like thirty friends there with you. If you choose to wear pants, we will all understand; if you and your wife decide you should be kilted you will have many thumbs up as ghosts at your back. Have a super Thanksgiving. Please let your friends here know how you made out.

**Tommie** · 16th November 08, 06:11 AM

My response knowing only my own family and my spouses relatives,I can only say I would not show.
Even if I did go,I would wear the kilt because I would never let a niece or nephew tell me what to wear to any event.

But thats me,not you,and only you can decide if you want to go or not.

**thistlelass** · 16th November 08, 06:34 AM

Sadly, there are people -generally it's someone in your family or a very close "friend"-who will just suck the very life out of you if they can. There are those who live to extract the very soul from others. I recieved some excellent advice once from a very smart man-'Don't let them have your soul. The problem is theirs, not yours. Stand up for yourself and your views and let them know they cannot control your life'. There are so many other important issues within families; illnesses, ageing, births, deaths, economic issues-is the fact that you and yours choose wear the kilt to one Thanksgiving dinner such a biggie? Wear your kilt, spend time with your family and if they object too loudly, you have the right to excuse yourselves from the festivities and with your wife and son, create your own good memories....kilted and attired in Highland dress if you so wish!!

BTW, y'all look great! Is that a Black Stewart kilt?...I'm not so knowledgeable about tartans yet, but Stewart is one of mine.