Your worst puns

[Mikilt]

There were a lot of people at the brewery.

The place was hopping.

[GrainReaper]

I went to the Jack Daniels facility, I asked them "is distill the place where you make your whiskey?"

[Mikilt]

Every Christmas morning my family sits down for breakfast of eggs benedict. We always make extra hollandaise which my mother puts in a little chrome pitcher on a little chrome plate. Know why?

Because there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise.

[Jack Daw]

After announcing he was getting married, the young Scottish man told his china that he would be wearing the kilt.

"And what's the tartan?" asked his mate.

"Oh, she'll be wearing traditional white," he replied

(The worst part of this thread is, to ensure that you don't re-post someone else's submission, you have to read all of them. OY!)

[Mikilt]

I bought rollerblades at Walmart because I am a cheapskate.

[MNlad]

Oldie but a goodie.

Once upon a time there was a colony of natives on a small Pacific island. Well, the area was beset by pirates with a reputation for plundering any settlements they happened upon.

One day a ship came over the horizon flying the Jolly Roger. The islanders quickly met and were determined to protect the one valuable item on the island, the chief's throne—a massive teak chair imbedded with sea shells and rocks. (Well, it was priceless to them.)

Gathering some ropes and pulleys they carefully winched the throne into the rafters of the chief's grass hut. So heavy was the chair that the rafters bowed precariously, but thankfully it held the weight—just. Then they wove some palm fronds under the chair as a false ceiling. And just in time, too. The pirates soon landed and quickly gathered all the islanders in the chief's hut to interrogate them about any valuables on the island.

The inhabitants pleaded that they were a poor village with nothing of value to the buccaneers. Finally satisfied that there was nothing worth stealing, the pirates left in disgust, slamming the door as they left the building. Unfortunately, the vibrations from the door were just enough to cause the structure to collapse, crushing the islanders under the huge chair.

Proving the old adage . . . people who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.

That story is so old it probably qualifies for Medicare. Come to think of it, it is pretty sick.

[MNlad]

OK, one more.

Some Mexican smugglers had a huge shipment of marijuana they were bringing to the US. Unfortunately, they didn't check the weather forecast before sailing and ran straight into a hurricane. The ship rapidly took on water and quickly sank—all but the cargo, which washed ashore on a small island inhabited by a large colony of seagulls.

The birds quickly took a liking to the pot, and the entire colony was soon higher than a kite. You could say it left no tern unstoned.

[Blupiper]

There were a lot of people at the brewery.

The place was hopping.

Good for what ale's you.

JMB

[GrainReaper]

Good for what ale's you.

JMB

History repeats!

[GrainReaper]

The thing about gravity, it's always bringing me down.