Bagpipe Jokes.

[Southern Breeze]

First and foremost, I am not a bagpipe hater.I love to hear them and could listen all day.I'd like everyone out there to share your bagpipe jokes.THIS INCLUDES ALL YOU PIPERS,You've probley heard them all.NOTHING OBSCENE,keep it clean.Lets spread some laughter around.

Q.Whats the difference between the Great Highland and the Nortumbrian pipes?
A.The GHB burns longer,but the Northumbrian burns hotter.

Q.Why do pipers walk when they play?
A.To get away from the sound.

[sav]

Q: What do you call a piper with a pager/cell phone?
A: An optimist.

Q: What's the difference between bagpipes and a trampoline?
A: You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

For you musicians:
Q: What's the definition of a minor second?
A: Two pipers playing in unison.

...I could go on forever...

[Southern Breeze]

Q.If you were lost in the woods,who would you trust for directions-an out of tune piper,an in tune piper,or Santa Clause?
A.The out of tune piper.The other two mean your hallucinating.

[macwilkin]

Not a joke per se, but appropriate here:

"Need reinforcements for rescue. Send six tanks or one piper!"
-- Canadian Army officer, Italy 1944

********

A guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says "I bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus can't play."

The people in the bar look around and someone fetches an old guitar.

The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing the guitar. The octopus's owner pockets the fifty bucks.

Next guy comes up with a trumpet, octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks its lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy hands over another fifty bucks to the octopus's owner.

The bar owner has been watching all this and disappears out back, coming back in a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm. He puts them on the bar and says to the guy and his octopus, "Now, if your octopus can play that I'll give you a hundred dollars."

The octopus takes a look at the bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, has another look from another angle. Puzzled, the octopus's owner comes up and says "What are you fooling around for? Hurry up and play the damn thing!"

The octopus says "Play it? If I can figure out how to get its pyjamas off I'm gonna make love to it!"

[Nick]

The Brit's joke of the Scots was the bagpipes.

The Scot's joke on the Brits? They learned to play 'em!

-------------

Q: What's the definition of perfect pitch?
A: You throw the accordion into the dumpster and it lands on the bagpipes.

(That was originally an accordion and a banjo, but it works.)

[Mr. Kilt]

Definition of a gentleman...someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

[Kiltedmusiclover]

Todd,
You beat me to it. I was still thinking of the best way to
Clean it up!:mrgreen:

Not a joke per se, but appropriate here:

"Need reinforcements for rescue. Send six tanks or one piper!"
-- Canadian Army officer, Italy 1944

********

A guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says "I bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus can't play."

The people in the bar look around and someone fetches an old guitar.

The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing the guitar. The octopus's owner pockets the fifty bucks.

Next guy comes up with a trumpet, octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks its lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy hands over another fifty bucks to the octopus's owner.

The bar owner has been watching all this and disappears out back, coming back in a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm. He puts them on the bar and says to the guy and his octopus, "Now, if your octopus can play that I'll give you a hundred dollars."

The octopus takes a look at the bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, has another look from another angle. Puzzled, the octopus's owner comes up and says "What are you fooling around for? Hurry up and play the damn thing!"

The octopus says "Play it? If I can figure out how to get its pyjamas off I'm gonna make love to it!"

[davedove]

I'm not a piper, but here's one:

...a student at an English university, by name of Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye, who was living in the hall of residence in his first year there. After he had been there for a month, his mother came to visit, no doubt carrying reinforcements of oatmeal.

"And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked.

"Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible noisy people! The one on that side keeps banging his head against the wall, and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams and screams away into the night!"

"Oh, Donald! How ever do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbours?"

"Mother, I do nothing, I just ignore them! I just stay here quietly playing my bagpipes!"

[davedove]

There's lots of good jokes here, including several bagpipe jokes:

http://www.electricscotland.com/humour/index.htm

[Big Paul]

Ok, once again I need to clean my screen!