Wives' objections...kind of long...

[Zardoz]

Let me start by saying this is not about me! Mrs.Zardoz is nothing but supportive and approving of the kilt!

At a recent Celtic fest here the wife and I met another kilt wearing fellow and his wife, I'll call him 'J', friends of a co-worker of mine. We had a great time at the fest talking about kilt wearing stories and meeting some other kilters etc. This fellow makes his own kilts, (he was wearing one I would have thought was a Scottish custom) and sporrans, as well as traditional musical instruments and furniture, quite a talented fellow!

'J' was interested in my Stillwater, hadn't heard of them. He was not aware of our forum, "Not much of a computer guy" he said. His wife said they had one but he hardly uses it, so I gave him a few websites to look at etc.

Where this story goes bad is at my work the next week, I was talking to my co-worker about how much we enjoyed the day and meeting his freinds etc., and my friend says J's wife wasn't too happy, that she said the whole deal "just re-enforced that damn kilt wearing thing" It seems that J is kilted pretty much of the time he's not at work, and his wife ain't happy.

She confided to my co-worker that she "just wished he'd wear pants once and a while" and was "tired of being such a spectacle when we go out". I asked has she ever told J that? And my friend said he assumed she had, but with little or no effect. Now I don't really know these folks well enough to have an opinion, but it seems that maybe kilt wearing isn't the only problem there. Maybe communication is too? I think the kilt is just the most obvious symbol of a bigger problem.

I think if my wife had a strong objection towards kilts, It's possible I wouldn't have got started. I figure you can't always do everything you want in any partnership, there has to be some give and take. For example; I have a few tattoo's, (whole family are bikers) after we got married, the wife told me she liked them fine, but wished I wouldn't get any more. I was OK with that, they started letting anybody have one by then anyway! But with kilts, she has been a enabler for me, telling me that the Sport Kilt was a good "training kilt" but get a "real one" etc..To the point where now if we go somewhere and I wear pants, she asks why I'm not kilted! I guess I am pretty lucky to have a wife of 16 years who will put up with all of my crap! And I really feel for those who don't!

I wonder if any of you folks here currently have, or have had a problem with a spouse or family like my new friend J's, and how did you cope?

Sorry to ramble, Z.

[Shay]

Now I don't really know these folks well enough to have an opinion, but it seems that maybe kilt wearing isn't the only problem there. Maybe communication is too? I think the kilt is just the most obvious symbol of a bigger problem.

Yep, and until they deal with that, any further advice would probably compound the problem.

[Randy]

Marriage or any relationship is a team effort. It seems the needs of relationship are not being met, support of the spouse with new clothing choice, maybe she is confused about kilt wearing. He may not be explaining his desire for new wardrobe adequately. Quid pro quo, you must know what one can bend on and what you can not.

My wife saw I was interested in kilts and demanded I order one. Now she enjoys me being happy and admires the swish. Our children are split. My daughter gently teases but realizes I'm old and humors me. Our son is a little more into eye rolling but knows it too late and will not join Kilts Anonymous.
We rarely sit down and talk about dividing up tasks or whatever. As things happen, the person best suited for the task steps up and if needed advised of other viewpoints for resolution.

It took forever to find someone to put up me. And after all these years she still puts up with my ways.

[MacSimoin]

Now I don't really know these folks well enough to have an opinion, but it seems that maybe kilt wearing isn't the only problem there. Maybe communication is too? I think the kilt is just the most obvious symbol of a bigger problem.

I wonder if any of you folks here currently have, or have had a problem with a spouse or family like my new friend J's, and how did you cope?

Zardoz,

These first two statements seem to be far too assuming for any of us to automatically pose our own opinions on your new friend's "predicament". Unlike Shay, I'm not going to provide you with an immediate armchair analysis on someone's marriage based on a brief description of a situation I had no part in---I don't know these people, I wasn't there at the fest and, I don't even know you. However, did you stop to think that maybe J's other half simply doesn't like kilts? Contrary to what seems to be a foregone conclusion in these forums, there are plenty of women out there who simply do not like men in kilts. Of course, there's lots of guys who don't like it either, but that's beside the point. If you like your new friends, just be patient and wait until the friendship develops over time. If and when it does, and you've gotten to know them much better than you do now, that may be the more appropriate time and place for you to get the answers to the questions you've posed here. Don't misundertand me, please: Asking for advice or opinions here on what you've witnessed or experienced with J is not wrong; I'd just venture to avoid any untoward assumptions on J's wife and/or his marriage.

As far as people in my own family, no real issues exist except that though I wish I could get my father to wear a kilt for my wedding, he simply will not.
And though he finds most men in kilts rather amusing, he's actually looking forward to seeing me kilted at my wedding this October. He knows how much designing our family's tartan has meant to me, and he knows all the hard work I put into it; so, he's accepting of me being kilted at best. Again, not everyone likes kilts. I can live with that.

[ByDand]

My wonderful wife has always been supportive of my wearing the kilt. My brother on the other hand refuses to be seen with me if I am in a kilt which means we don't see each other very often. He is not into heritage very much and will not even discuss the kilt so if we are going to a family thing, I don't wear the kilt. Needless to say, we don't attend many family outings!

[Robin]

I feel sorry for those who have to deal with a "kilt hostile" wife...it's all a matter of understanding and give and take.

But...let's not forget "we" wear the kilt and "they" have to deal with it.
When we wear a kilt people look at us...most like it, some don't, but people look at us all the time. I understand when a wife feels uncomfortable to walk next to a movie star...or a freak (in the eyes of others).

I didn't wear a kilt when we went to a birthday party last saturday, because I didn't want to be the centre of the event...after all it was not my birthday.
My wife didn't asked me to wear trousers, but she thanked me for doing so.

Don't get me wrong...Michelle loves to see me kilted, but the only person we knew at the party was the host and it was her birthday and she loves to "look good".

It's a bit like..."never look better as the bride".

Give and take...

[Graham]

I think it all comes down to the relationship, mutual love, tolerance etc.

My wife has never really liked me in kilts, nor the money I spend on them. However, she respects my decision and come to accept that I want to wear the kilt.
I guess it comes down to the type of person she is, and her past, her biases, her teaching...all kinds of stuff that makes her the way she is.
Mostly, it's about love, love is patient, love is kind (1 Corinthians 13).

So the outcome is going to be different for different couples.
OTOH, some here have wives who rave about their husbands in kilts, mine is not and never will be like that. But I am content with the mutual respect we have.
Hope this helps.

[Schultz]

My wife loves that I wear kilts. Sure, she likes to see me wear pants every now and then (something about my "perfect posterior") and she does thanks to the fact that I do wear a suit to work once or twice a week, mostly because it was made by one of my dearest friends, a professional tailor,and he always asks about it. He even made me a second pair of trousers for my birthday last year.

Anyways, as I said, Miranda loves me wearing the kilt. However, she absolutely abhors the comments wearing one produces, particularly if they come in a flirtatious manner. Now me, I'm quite oblivious to such flirtations because I'm most decidedly an unflirtatious person. I tend to see such comments as complimentary encouragement. My wife, however, being a flirtatious person herself, doesn't and it has, in the past, caused some consternation between us. She can't understand why I can't see such comments (even apparently benign ones like, "Is that really that comfortable?") would upset her, and I can't understand why she would choose to get so upset over a passing comment that I've obviously ignored. She finds it incredibly disrespectful of people to "ask the question" and I always tell her that I agree with her. However, I'm just not the type of person to get upset at passing moronic comments from ignorant people. She is.

We have, however, talked at length about it, and we've come to a point of tolerance and respect for each other's feelings on the subject. If someone makes a comment, I accept it for what it means to me and I also acknowledge that it may be upsetting to Miranda. For her part, she's learning not to get so upset because someone chooses to pay me a compliment and that I'm oblivious to what may be another's flirtatious behavior.

As some pointed out earlier, it's all about communication and, through that communication, mutual respect and tolerance. I've never been the most communicative person (I unfortunately take after my tight lipped father in that regard) but I can honestly say that one thing has really helped foster communication between my wife and I: The Kilt.

[ronstew]

I disagree with both Shay and MacSimoin. My opinion is that it is none of your business.

But I think Shay, MacSimoin and I all agree that no good can come of it if you get involved.



(If it were me, I'd probably get involved, but I am much better at giving advice than following it.)

[mddock58]

Ask any law enforcement officer, a domestic argument is the last place you would want to be in the middle of.

Keep, safe, keep out!

Support by your encouragement to him, She needs to change through her means. Maybe she will, maybe it will never happen.