Kilts and Self-Identity

**Alan H** · 17th May 07, 01:38 PM

When prompted by the question "Who are you?" I am often rather taken aback, because that's a darned complicated question. That question is answered in many different ways by many people. There are cultural and gender-related trends in self-perception that could be the basis for a lengthy discussion, but I'm going to focus on kilts.

When it comes right down to it, I tend to define "who I am" by "what I do". That is in contrast with the Luminous Joan who combines "who she is" with "who she's related to"...as in, part of her answer is that she is Jim and Caroline Foote's daughter. Now I am, entirely, Frank Heberts son and proud of it, but somehow that never factors into my answer.

I am a musician. I am a thinker. I am a sailor. I am a biologist and a computer geek. I hike and I love the mountains. I am a Christian. I am a teacher and a learner. I am independent and I make my own decisions...and so on.

I *COULD* put in "I am a kiltwearer" but somehow in the overall scheme of things that are important to me, I don't feel that the fact that I wear kilts is central to who I am....central to my perception of my Self. In fact, I would say "I am a builder and creator" as part of my self-identity, and so making kilts is part of that. However, I also make music, woodwork, fences, retaining walls, essays on kilt-making, poetry, communites (of a sort) and a number of other things. "Kiltmaking" is just one facet of a wider "builder/creator" part of me.

Were someone...a job, a partner or a friend to tell me "you cannot be a sailor and have this job"..or "I won't love you if you do any more teaching", "you can't be my friend if you keep making stuff".. then that would be an abrogation of WHO I AM, a statement that that job/workplace/partner/friend didn't accept my entirety as a person. Were a supervisor to tell me, "you can't wear a kilt to work, because it's not professional" I wouldn't perceive that as the non-acceptance of who I am....I wouldn't see it as a demand to become something else, or someONE else..

When I resisted ( and loudly and firmly) the Luminous Joans vocal and body-language derision of my kilt-wearing, I was not so much angry at her take on KILT-WEARING. I would have been equally as angry if she had derided, or tried to forbid me from sailing, for example. No, what I was angry about was that she was trying to make my decisions for me, to take away or control my personal decision-making ability. I'm a pretty laid-back guy, but that sort of attempt to control doesn't sit well with me. The fact that the particular isse at haad at that time was kilt-wearing was pretty much irrelevant.

So for me, I enjoy wearing kilts. I enjoy standing out in the crowd a little bit, I enjoy some of the attention. I enjoy their comfort, and I enjoy the process of making them. I enjoy the history associated with Scottish Tartans, and I enjoy the connections I've made with people at X-marks. I enjoy the "swing"! I enjoy the slightly revolutionary and non-stereoptypical "role" I get perceived as, when wearing a contemporary kilt. I enjoy responses like the two female graduate students today who stared at me when I told them I was just about to turn 50...they said they thought I was about 40! Kilts are great! But they are not part of my self-identity...just like blue jeans and t-shirts aren't, and dress slacks and ties aren't, either.

Other people may feel differently, eh? What's your take on it, for yourself?

**Ayin McFye** · 17th May 07, 01:55 PM

I think you pose a good question but generally speaking when someone says "Who are you?" , I either respond with "Why do you want to know?" or I'll tell them my name. I don't feel obligated to define myself to any stranger in a bar or on the street that has the urge to ask me who I am. A friend should know me for who I am already and wouldn't ask either. If the question seems to be prompted because i'm wearing a kilt, i will normally not even acknowledge the kilt that i'm wearing until they say "No, I meant, why are you wearing a kilt?" And that question is a lot more specific and I'm always happy to answer it. Although depending on the person's tone, will depend on my answer.

Asking "Who are you" is more of a "What's your name" question. If it's meant to be "What defines who you are?" type of question, then wow, that's a pretty deep question for a stranger to be asking me.

**Alan H** · 17th May 07, 02:05 PM

Originally Posted by Ayin McFye

Asking "Who are you" is more of a "What's your name" question. If it's meant to be "What defines who you are?" type of question, then wow, that's a pretty deep question for a stranger to be asking me.

Yes, it would be rather odd for a complete stranger to ask such a question, and even if they did, then I would also answer with just my name. If challenged at work...say when I entered the Clinical areas of the Hospital, then they get my name and a look at my ID card.

However, that sort of wasn't what I was getting at in this post, but...no worries.

**Ayin McFye** · 17th May 07, 02:10 PM

Originally Posted by Alan H

Yes, it would be rather odd for a complete stranger to ask such a question, and even if they did, then I would also answer with just my name. If challenged at work...say when I entered the Clinical areas of the Hospital, then they get my name and a look at my ID card.

However, that sort of wasn't what I was getting at in this post, but...no worries.

Sorry, did you truly want me to answer the question on "Who am I?" I'd be more than happy to, but I wasn't sure if you wanted an opinion on the question or for everyone to actually answer it.

**Alan H** · 17th May 07, 05:10 PM

Originally Posted by Ayin McFye

Sorry, did you truly want me to answer the question on "Who am I?" I'd be more than happy to, but I wasn't sure if you wanted an opinion on the question or for everyone to actually answer it.

No worries! I was just curious how much, or in what way kilts, kiltwearing and kiltmaking featured in peoples assesment of "who they are"...their personal identity.

With me, the answer is "not much". "Kilts" etc are a fun thing that I do that I enjoy, but they're not part of what, in my head "defines me" to myself.

**Ayin McFye** · 18th May 07, 08:40 AM

Originally Posted by Alan H

No worries! I was just curious how much, or in what way kilts, kiltwearing and kiltmaking featured in peoples assesment of "who they are"...their personal identity.

With me, the answer is "not much". "Kilts" etc are a fun thing that I do that I enjoy, but they're not part of what, in my head "defines me" to myself.

I am going to have to agree with you on this. I love wearing kilts, and I usually wear my kilt about once or twice a week. But i wouldn't go as far as to say it helps define who i am. It is definitely a part of me and my life and I truly do embrace my celtic heritage, but "defining" as a part of me is just a little to strong of a word.

I am foremost a Father. My son definitely helps define who i am. I am a deep thinking over analytical individual. I never grew out of the "why" phase when I was 3. I am a member of the SCA, but only a small portion of that life influences who I am on a day to day basis.

As for the rest of me I'm still trying to figure that out. My wife left me a year and a half ago with no notice whatsoever. The life that I had created with her and my son, was completely destroyed. I'm back on my feet now, but I'm still in the process of defining who I am and what I want out of life.

Thank you for the good question Alan. Cheers!

**BEEDEE** · 17th May 07, 02:18 PM

Before I retired I tended to define myself by my job (I did drugs - the legal kind!)

After retirement I had some difficulty in defining my self until someone suggested that we retirees are really undergoing a renaissance - and that's how I really see myself now - a renaissance man. Among others I've taken up watercolor painting and learning the bagpipes, designed web sites, begun creating sgian dubhs, making kilts, sail when I want too and generally enjoying life and steadfastly refusing to act my age!!!

I'm not 63, I'm 23 with 40 years experience!!

Brian

**Panache** · 17th May 07, 04:57 PM

Who am I?

I am a devoted father, a loving husband, and a dutiful son
I am a humble gardener, an elegant dancer, and a dashing swordsman
I am an honest gentleman, a loyal friend, and a good neighbor
I am a hard worker and a craftsman of wood and words
I am diplomat, a clown, and a poet
I am a great fool and wise beyond my years
I am vain and humble
I wear kilts but they are only a small part of the white plume I have carried within me for most of my life
I am all this, and less, and more
I am James, and Jamie, and the flamboyant Panache

(For this is the way one must talk when speaking with dragons…)

Cheers

Jamie

**Kiltman** · 17th May 07, 07:37 PM

Originally Posted by BEEDEE

Before I retired I tended to define myself by my job (I did drugs - the legal kind!)

After retirement I had some difficulty in defining my self until someone suggested that we retirees are really undergoing a renaissance - and that's how I really see myself now - a renaissance man. Among others I've taken up watercolor painting and learning the bagpipes, designed web sites, begun creating sgian dubhs, making kilts, sail when I want too and generally enjoying life and steadfastly refusing to act my age!!!

I'm not 63, I'm 23 with 40 years experience!!

Brian

Seems like the best way to be 60+. As a friend said: It's much easier to rebel at this end of life.

**Dreadbelly** · 17th May 07, 05:01 PM

I am... Batman!

Edit.

Sigh. I just couldn't be silly and leave well enough alone.

I am first and foremost, a husband. Of this I am proud. I have seen so many wrecked marriages and failed relationships, especially in my own family. I am determined to break the cycle. Seven years so far.

I am a philosopher. This is as good of term as any for what I do.

I make hats.

I am an anarchist. This does not make me a bad person, whatever others might believe. I tend to lean toward being a somewhat democratic anarchist, or a sane anarchist. A Perfect Democracy is a Perfect Anarchy anyway. Everybody having their own voice and collectively working for the common good.

I am both a Christian and an iconoclast. How this happened, heck, I don't know. Must be part of the anarchist streak. I have no problem tipping peoples' sacred cows. This includes Christian Cows. Moo moo moo moo mooooo.

I am both a genius and an idiot.

And somewhere in all of this is a short angry little man that wears kilts while out tipping the believers' blessed bovines.