Absurd kilt myths

[Arlen]

So there was a Scotland football match on today and, as such, more than a few people out and about in kilts.
Not being much of a follower of football, I didn't even know there was a game on until after it had finished.

Now, early this evening I took my dog for a walk and was met by a group of kilted, inebriated, middle-aged men coming back from the pub.

'Haw! Whit's that tartan, mate?' Yelled one of them.

'It's not a tartan. It's a tweed kilt.' I replied.

'Whit? It canna' be a kilt if it's no tartan.' He pointed out.

'Actually, it can. Some of the earliest kilts were solid coloured. The Ghillies at Balmoral used to wear only tweed kilts as part of their uniform'

'Nawww. Ye'r mistaken there. You have to wear ye'r ain tartan. If ye don't have one, ye have to wear Black Watch.'

'I see.' Said I. 'And what happens if I wear a kilt that is not one of my clan tartans, exactly?'

'Well, if ye get caught by someone official like a polisman or somebody frae Lord Lyon's court then ye get fined 100 quid! Ye need tae be careful, pal. Ye must only have moved to Scotland when you were wee or ye'd know that.'


Now, here I was blithely unaware that I was breaking some law. That the police and the Lord Lyon who have absolutely no jurisdiction over tartans or kilts were just waiting to thump a big find on me!
I will have to immediately clear all of the kilts out of my wardrobe save for my Macdonald Modern!



Anyone else heard some overly absurd tartan or kilt myths recently?

[McMurdo]

I will have to immediately clear all of the kilts out of my wardrobe save for my Macdonald Modern!

Send them this way Arlen

Anyone else heard some overly absurd tartan or kilt myths recently?

Basically the same myth, a wee Scottish woman at the grocery store recently told me that I could not wear my x-marks kilt as it was not a clan tartan, I corrected her telling her it is a modern on-line clan. The funny thing is most times these self appointed kilt police are not wearing a kilt, or even a stitch of tartan for that matter.

[ccga3359]

This past August at the Fergus Highland games. I was three sheets to the wind and with a very sober McMurdo and a couple of others decided it's time to bring life into other otherwise sleeping campsites. I in my new leather RKilt and McMurdo in his XMarks CCK. We came across a fresh of the boat bunch of Scotsmen in an equal state to me. One Scot much bigger than I noticing my kilt said "You're nothing but a women in leather. All I heard from McMurdo was "Aye, and he's an Englishman in a leather kilt". This Scot then turn to me and says "Well you're nothing but a big Women" Really it made no sense but since we both share the same sense of humour and it must have been his first time with Canadian beer we both broke out in laughter and good cheers.

Myth one broken: McMurdo is not an innocent non-instigator.

Myth two broken: McMurdo will not get out of this unscathed.

Myth three broken: I am not a big woman.

There no £100 fines only the ceremonial offering of new cold beers. In which I had spare stashed away in my Rkilt because of pockets that McMurdo obviously didn't have. So who's the big women now, Glen?

[cessna152towser]

That is just such an amusing encounter Arlen. My single colour, denim or camo kilts have never attracted any comments like this. On the contrary, I find they attract a lot less attention than tartan kilts.

[Mr. MacDougall]

I wore my kilt to a staff meeting at the clinic the other day. One of the receptionists, it turns out, is from Scotland, though she's been here in Arizona for something like fifty years, and barely has a Scots accent anymore. She was giving me a hard time about my kilt being "about half an inch too short."

She was an advocate of the "touch the floor while kneeling" method of kilt measurement, and didn't want to hear the kneecap story. ;)

[Arlen]

Oh how I wish just being born in Scotland actually really did mean you have an ounce of sense about kilts.

The thing with the touching the floor whilst kneeling... it depends on the length of your bones!
It works perfectly as a rule for me, but not my Dad. I know guys who swear by it but have kilt two or three inches too long because of it.

[M. A. C. Newsome]

Arlen,

There is a book on tartans that was published just a few years ago (I'm sorry I can't recall the title). A friend of mine brought it into the museum for me to look at. The author actually made the statement that if you were caught wearing a tartan not your own in America it was considered "bad taste" but in Scotland you could face a "25 pound fine" and cited Lord Lyon as her source. Ridiculous! (But I notice you get off a bit cheaper according to her imaginary law than the one in your story!)

Working in the Scottish Tartans Museum as I do I hear so many tartan myths that I couldn't possibly relate them all. But one I just heard for the first time last week was from a young Scottish woman who was visiting our museum with a group of Scottish students. The woman, who looked to be in her mid-twenties, soberly instructed all the children that if your tartan had red in it, that meant you had bastards in your family.

When our museum staff attempted to dispell her myth, she would have none of it. She was from Scotland, and therefor the expert. We are just dumb Americans playing dress-up, it seems.

[ChromeScholar]

if your tartan had red in it, that meant you had bastards in your family.

So what about those families who have multiple versions of their tartan, some with red, some without?

[demobud]

[QUOTE]=M. A. C. Newsome;432558]The woman, who looked to be in her mid-twenties, soberly instructed all the children that if your tartan had red in it, that meant you had bastards in your family.

[QUOTE]

Then there must be a LOT of bastards in Scotland, 'cause there's a lot of taratans with red in 'em.

[BEEDEE]

'And what happens if I wear a kilt that is not one of my clan tartans, exactly?'

'Well, if ye get caught by someone official like a polisman or somebody frae Lord Lyon's court then ye get fined 100 quid! Ye need tae be careful, pal. Ye must only have moved to Scotland when you were wee or ye'd know that.'

So..... there really are kilt police??

Brian