A Way With Words

[Southern Breeze]

A little post to start off the new year.

1. The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a-head.'

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium, at large.

19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

20. A backward poet writes in-verse.

21. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

22. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

23. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.

[piperdbh]

24. While eating a clown, one cannibal asked the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"

[Mael Coluim]

[Big Mikey]

25. Two shriners meet....."I don't remember your name but your fez is familiar."

[Sionnach]

Now if only I can remeber them when the appropriate occasion arises. Thanks, Southern Breeze. I always look forward to these posts.

[Cerebite]

I once heard a quite long one using US states [which of course is not coming up in a quick Google for me] along the lines of:
...Did Delaware her New Jersey?....

I bet some of our young tech savvy, or old willy insomniac, members will find it for me/ us before mornng ith:

[Livingston]

I once heard a quite long one using US states [which of course is not coming up in a quick Google for me] along the lines of:
...Did Delaware her New Jersey?....

I bet some of our young tech savvy, or old willy insomniac, members will find it for me/ us before mornng ith:

There is probably more than one. The one I heard went:

What did Delaware, boys? Idaho, Alaska.

[Phogfan86]

There's an old joke that, when told properly, lasts about three days. It revolves around an alcoholic relief pitcher walking in the winning run in game seven of the world series. The punchline is, this is the beer that made Mel Famey walk us.

[turpin]

If Mississippi wore Missouri's New Jersey, what would Delaware? Idaho, Alaska.

there ya go. And I'm old and non-tech-savvy.

[Cerebite]

thats the one, thanks Turpin.