The three brothers...

[Streetcar]

Stop me if you've heard this...

Patrick walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the corner of the room, drinking a sip out of each pint in turn. When he had finished all three, he went back to the bar and ordered three more.

The barman says, "You know a pint goes flat soon after I pull it ... your pint would taste better if you bought one at a time."

Patrick replies, "Well now, I have two brodders, one is in America and de odder in Australia and here I am in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised dat we'd drink dis way to remember de days we all drank togedder."

The barman admits that this is a nice custom and says no more.

Patrick becomes a regular customer and always drinks the same way ... ordering three pints and drinking a sip out of each in turn, until they are finished. One day, he comes in and orders just two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent.

When he goes back to the bar for the second round, the barman says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."

Patrick looks confused for a moment, then the penny drops and he starts to laugh, "Oh no," he says, "Bejesus, everyone is fine! Tis me ... I've quit drinking!"

[Livingston]

Stop already. I'ver heard it several times.

[davedove]

On the subject of drinking beer:

Three men, an Englishman, and Irishman, and a Scotsman, go into a pub and order a round.

As they are sitting there, a group of lies buzz around and a fly settles in each of the beers.

The Englishman gets a disgusted look on his face, pushes the contaminated beer away and orders another to replace it.

The Irishman plucks the fly from his beer and tosses it away before drinking again. "Ah," he says, "the wee one didn't drink much."

The Scotsman gets angry, plucks the fly from his drink, and yells at the fly, "Spit it out and get your own!"

[Frank McGrath]

Don't stop me if you have heard this one, I want to hear it again myself.

I was sitting in a bar the other day with 2 of my friends. In walk 3 blondes. They ordered shot and toasted themselves. "Ninety Days", was the toast. After they did this several times, I offered to buy a round if they told me what event they were toasting. Weel said one, We bought a puzzle and put it together and it only took us 90 days. On the lid of the box it said 4 to 6 years.

[Southern Breeze]

I'm a landscape designer and this one gets e mailed to me a lot.

GREEN SIDE UP

A woman hired a contractor to repaint the interior of her house. The woman walked the man through the second floor of her home and told him what colors she wanted for each room. As they walked through the first room, the woman said, "I think I would like this room in a cream color."

The contractor wrote on his clipboard, walked to the window, opened it and yelled out, "Green side up!" He then closed the window and continued following the woman to the next room. The woman looked confused, but proceeded with her tour. "In this room, I was thinking of an off blue." Again, the contractor wrote this down, went to the window, opened it and yelled out, "Green side up!"

This baffled the woman, but she was hesitant to say anything. In the next room, the woman said she would like it painted in a light rose color. And once more, the contractor opened the window and yelled, "Green side up!"

Struck with curiosity, the woman mustered up the nerve to ask, "Why do you keep yelling 'Green side up' out my window every time I tell you the color I would like the room?"

The contractor replied, "Because I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street."