Cowboy Wisdom

[dfmacliam]

Don't Squat with yer Spurs on: A Cowboy's Guide to Life

by Texas Bix Bender
Never kick a fresh cow chip on a hot day.
There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.
Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew. Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.
If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
Never ask a man the size of his spread.
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
If you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.
It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.
If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.
When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back.
Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so important to know what it is, but it's critical to know what it was.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.

[ForresterModern]

"Never Ask a Man the Size of His Spread"---the Cowgirl's Guide to Life, by Gladiola Montana

Callin' women the weaker sex makes about as much sense as callin' men the stronger one.
When a cowboy gives you the key to his truck you know you are close to winning the key to his heart.
Anybody who thinks they know everything ain't been around long enough to know anything.
Foolin' a man ain't hard---findin' one that ain't a fool is a lot harder.
If you don't get married you will never find a good man. On the other hand if you ain't married you don't need one.
Some things don't need all the thought people give 'em.
Oil all the wheels on your wagon, not just the squeaky one.
The time to dance is when the music's playin'.
"one of these days..." is "none of these days."
You can't get ahead of anybody you're trying to get even with.
When sombody commences to flattering you there is generally something up their sleeve besides their arm.
High steppers give bumpy rides.
Be sure to taste your words before you spit them out.
You can't keep trouble from visitin', but you don't have to offer it a chair.
If you've done it, it ain't braggin'.
Runnin' from problems is a sure way to run into problems.
Always remember it doesn't take two to keep a secret.
If you want a little attention ask your husband for his six-shooter or the night.
Sheep don't associate with wolves---and for a good reason.
Cryin' about a bad past is a waste of good tears.
A fool and his money are soon married.
There are two kinds of people in the world---those who believe there are two kinds of people, and those who know better.
When kissin' a cowboy in the rain make sure you both fit under his hat.
You'll make better progress if you get out of your own way.
Beware of puppy love; it can lead to a dog's life.
A lesson every cowgirl ought to learn is where her business ends and someone else's starts.
Never---under any circumstances---admit you like to cook.
You can warm your socks in the oven, but that don't make 'em biscuits.
Share your wisdoms, not your prejudices.
There are many kinds of bandits---so sit on your wallet and hold onto your heart.
It's not what you say to a horse that gets his attention, it's how you say it.
Allow no war parties in your bed.
The secret to long life is be willin' to grow older.
About half your troubles come from wantin' your own way; the other half come from gettin' it.
Opportunity may only knock once, but temptation in a frequent visitor.
If you get all wrapped up in yourself you will find you make a pretty small package.
Folks who have no vices have very few virtues.
To win, all you gotta do is get up one more time than you fall.
Sometimes it's smart to ask a man's advice, but takin' it is another matter.
Before you get serious with a cowboy make sure he values you more than his truck.
Whenever you go away always come back before they learn to get on without you.
A horse is considered well-trained when he is convinced that he wants to do what you want him to do.
Keep plenty of good hay in the barn and you will find its a fact that a smart horse never forgets his way home.
Convincing yourself that a bad idea is a good one , is a bad idea.
Once you know where you're goin', just climb in the saddle and stay on the trail til you git there.
If a man thinks that a woman who can dog steers, ride broncs, and rope the wind, is too much for him, he's probably right.

[davedove]

If you see three men in cowboy hats riding in the cab of a pickup, how do you know which one is the real cowboy?

He's the one in the middle. That way he doesn't have to drive, plus he doesn't have to get out and open the gates.

[Dirka Skene]

"Never Ask a Man the Size of His Spread"---the Cowgirl's Guide to Life, by Gladiola Montana

Never---under any circumstances---admit you like to cook.

Whoops.