My Dad e-mailed this to me. I though some of the rabble might like it. Be forewarned that my Dad, despite being the coolest guy in any room that doesn't have Steve McQueen in it, has almost as twisted a sense of humor as I.



Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Chester the Semi-Wonder Dog, and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in the ICU with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially the “Perfect Diet” and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well, and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her "No, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's *** and a car hit me."