Confidence building and confidence boosters

[Derek]

Its taken quite a while, but at last I feel the light is at the end of the tunnel with regard to me feeling confident about wearing my kilt around my own locality. I have no problems in wearing it to an 'event' or hill walking or away from home etc. I know I've mentioned some of the following before.... My wife has always encouraged me that if I want to wear my kilt anywhere at anytime its ok with her. She said that if she thought I looked not right, silly, ungroovy or whatever term one wants to call it, she would have said so and certainly would have recommended I never wore it again and that if I pursued it she would have not be seen with me in it out and about anywhere. It was a while ago now when she said 'I'll say this once more and never again' .. 'wear your kilt when you want to .. you don't have to ask my permission or ask for my support, its there'. That I know is a major confidence builder in itself. But its up to me and my inner self to overcome my own hurdles and hang ups as to when to wear it on a daily basis locally ... and thats what I've been working on. Like many have said in post before, I am my own worst enemy, putting up barriers that I know deep down really don't exist. My neighbour (who is in her early 60's) has seen me in my kilt many times, said to me once 'do you wear it that often'. I said to her mainly around the house .. events .. or hill walking, but I don't have the confidence to just amble up to the local shops with it on'. Her reply was 'why not, its only a kilt'. I had no reply to that at the time. Over the last several weeks we have had several friends around to the house both single males and females and couples. I have worn my kilt on all these occasions .. made a special point of doing so. They do know of my kilt as there are some pictures around the house with me in it .. but I've suddenly confronted them at the door in it and simple said hi and come on in. Two have said nothing at all and the others have just commented fab kilt. They have all been back several times and I have been kilted every time. Yesterday we had somebody calling around to see an item of furniture that we were selling. I decided to wear my kilt. I was unsure whether the husband or wife or both were going to call. As it turned out it was the wife. I opened the door we both said 'hello'. She simple commented once in the house .. 'your looking very smart'. I was casual in my kilt/denim shirt etc. I said thank you and told her I quite often wear my welsh kilt. Her reply was 'and why not you'. That was it. She stayed a while decided to purchase the item and was off. All these little things over a period of time are becoming confidence boosters to me .. especially when I find the kilt to be the most comfy garment of all to wear. Derek.

[Rhino]

It's a bit like jumping into cold water, takes your breathe away to start with, then it's invigorating. Go for a walk to the shops in your kilt and I guarantee it will either be a non event or a fantastic ego boost, either way the adrenalin coursing thro' your veins will ensure you have a great time. And thats just to the shops....
Seriously have a couple of beers and just do it, you'll love it and wonder why you haven't done it before.
Cheers Rhino

[Graham]

Hi Derek, thanks for sharing that with us here.

I know how you feel, I'm sure many of us have felt as you do and been through what you have, I know I have!

It's good that you have a supportive wife, that's a real bonus.

Just be yourself and do what you know is right and good, it really gets better and better!

[Mychael Sporrano]

Hi, Derek-

Rhino is correct because it really can be a lot like taking a plunge into cold water. The more you wear your kilt, the more you will probably want to wear it, and it does get much easier- quite quickly, in fact. Some folks talk here about it being a 'non-event', but that is rarely so for me. It is not often that I forget that I am wearing a kilt when I am out in public. I suppose if I lived in a small town and saw the same folks all of the time it might become mundane to others, and therefore mundane to me. My neighbors are used to me, as is my immediate family. But it seems as though when I leave my immediate area an adventure is right around the corner.

I have to admit that wearing a kilt has managed to take tasks such as grocery shopping or the playground out of the realm of mundane and make them interesting. Of course "interesting" is not necessarily a good thing...

Last night I hit a local eatery where I received a nice compliment as soon as I entered the door. Wow. Off to a good start. After being seated I needed to go to the bar to get something for my mother-in-law and was immediately accosted by inquiries concerning my kilt. In my experience, bars are very iffy places. Anyway, one man was very curious, and I indulged his questions. His date, however, was absolutely boorish with me as she told me I was ugly and must be gay to dress in a skirt, Scottish or not. She kept looking me up and down while wearing a look of disgust, trying to convince me that I was something hideous. It became annoying quite quickly and since it is rarely practical to attempt educating drunks, I excused myself while I still had my sense of humor.

What I have come to realize is that while I feel as though I am wearing a kilt, and looking good in it, many of those whom I encounter are wondering why I am wearing women's clothing. To them I am some sort of freak. Some folks do not get it, but that is okay because those are not the folks I want in my life anyway. It is unfortunate that all of us have to be exposed to unaccepting, small minded people, but that is life. That is the part you have to accept and get used to, regardless of what you want to do that varies from the perceived "norm".

So what if I really was wearing a dress or if I were gay?! Yes, wearing a kilt takes a degree of confidence to pull off correctly, but once you get that confidence it grows and extends to other aspects of your life.

When you have a good outing, report here to let us know. One of us might be having a bad day and need the pep talk. Conversely, should you have a bad outing, you might need some pepping up yourself. It sounds as though your wife is great, so probably have a lot of positive reinforcement as it is.

One thing I will tell you is that I find it best to always walk with pride, kilted or not. Hold your head up, make eye contact, possibly nod in greeting. Some like to wear a tough guy expression, but I try to smile a lot. Whatever works for you. You can often tell from a return look, or lack thereof what the other person is thinking, but by making eye contact you are taking as much control of the situation as you can.

Mychael

[bubba]

Mychael, that tough guy expression is interesting. It seems that my normal expression, or nonexpression, gives people that impression.

[Graham]

Wow Mychael, great post, it deserves a permanent place here. You're spot on and got the whole thing summed up really well. Well written!

[David Woodington]

Hey Derek my names Dave i'm new here but have also just started posting on bravehearts.I live in the US and have been wearing kilts for about three years and now am almost wearing it daily.You just have to just wear it and anjoy it .I feel more masculine in it than allmost anything else I wear.plus as you know its a lot more comfortable. Sadly there will always be same ignorant person who thinks they have the right to dictate to you ,Don't let them get in your head, Take heart in knowing you are being more of a man by thinking for yourself and doing what you know is right.while the hecklers are just sheep who only do what the rest of the flock does,they usually can't think for themselves and only feel good when puting someone down.I guess we should all really pity them for how pathetic they really are ( though they really can piss you off sometimes).Look at mychael he should be pity that poor man for having to associate with that drunken harpy ( Mychael it could have been wosre you cold have been related to that women(loose term) or worse married to it.


were all with you later
Dave
PS I get some really good days out don't let the minority of bad ones keep you down.

[Rhino]

Mychael wrote:

I try to smile a lot.

Bubba wrote:

Mychael, that tough guy expression is interesting. It seems that my normal expression, or nonexpression, gives people that impression

I think you speak for at least Phil H and myself in that Bubba
I tried smiling at people and got arrested for going equipped with an offensive face
Cheers Rhino

[Mychael Sporrano]

Wow Mychael, great post...

Thanks tons, Graham!

Hey Derek my names Dave i'm new here...

Look at mychael he should be pity that poor man for having to associate with that drunken harpy ( Mychael it could have been wosre you cold have been related to that women(loose term) or worse married to it.)

Welcome, Derek!! "Harpy" is the EXACT word I would use to describe that unpleasant woman, and I do really love your use of the word "it". At one point she came and walked by our table on her way to the bathroom, giving me this disgusted look. I thought my wife (the very same woman who only a few days ago was counciling me on remaining calm when faced with catcalls and boors in general) was going to tackle her! That might sound humorous, but it is something that could actually happen given my wife's disposition and protective nature. Even my mother-in-law (who does not much care for being spirited around by a kilted son-in-law) looked as though she was ready to toss out a few barbs if required.


Mychael

[The Kilted Chef]

Derek,

I think confidence is the key word here. I still have moments of question sometimes when kilted. You have a wonderful woman who supports you - that's great! Remember the saying; "Behind every strong man is a strong woman." Others opinions, comments or actions are only THEIRS. It only becomes an issue if you let it. Remember that YOU are the only person who can make the decision to walk proudly! I know you can!! We are all here to give you support!

Larry