Mate's concerns

[CanisLatrans469]

Greetings all.
I am a UK wearer, I have 3. If I am not working, I wear the UK. Recently, on the only day off I have with my woman each week, I grabbed the tan original UK and she said, with exasperation, "not the kilt thing again."
This was a bit of a shock since she has been very supportive throughout this new area in my life. I asked for clarification and she explained that she was worried bout having to defend me if someone were to try to lift the kilt and see what is under it.
I am 6'2" 260. I do not think I need any help at all, ranked blue belt in a martial art years ago and remember where and how hard to hit to stop trouble quickly, but better yet, how to talk down a situation.
I guess I am ranting a bit, but I am curious if anyone else gets this. I know the question was in Mychael's thread as well.
In the 5 months I have been kilted, the ONLY person who has tried to lift the kilt is one of my woman's good work friends. In trips to Seattle and Vegas, no one as ever tried it. When the friend tried it, K did not notice until I pointed it out and had stopped it myself.
So I am stumped. I wore the kilt anyway, that day. To thine own self....
We are going to NY in Sept for her nephew's christenning and she has asked for no kilt. Ughhh, family politics or alienate the homophobic NY inlaws..............

Chris

[bubba]

Has never been a problem for me. As far as family politics, I established a reputation for not giving a damn about the family manipulations or opinions many years ago. I will humor the elderly relatives quite a bit but there aren't that many anymore and I really don't see them often. As for the rest, including inlaws, they take me as I am or take a walk. I'm not being harsh here, but once you let relatives start dictating your life it never ends and gets worse.

[Freelander Sporrano]

I was at the company I work for annual year Dinner and Dance. It was the kind of thing that went on all day. Booze was flowing freely (It was free).In the evening I changed into my full rigg.Two drunks from another department tried to corner me and lift the kilt I had on (They were a lot lager than me)Lukily They were worse the wear for the drink.No contest they ended up looking stupid not me.

My wife does sometimes get that look then hers eyes. Looking up to the ceiling wondering what to say next.It's a long process even though I'm not a full timer as yet, and have only one kilt. (Nr2 on order)She didn't think I'd be wearing it so much casually.(Neither did I )However thanks to the guys here and My own daredevil attitude I wear it a little more than my wife finds comfortable. However she can see that I'm happy.Her only real worry as far as I can tell, is villiage gosip we live in a small villiage in Norway.

Family pressure is difficult I do value the support and opinion of my wife. So it pains me to get a negative response from her.Is it the same in your case CanisLatrans469. It'll be better with time

[Blu (Ontario)]

... Recently, on the only day off I have with my woman each week, I grabbed the tan original UK and she said, with exasperation, "not the kilt thing again." This was a bit of a shock since she has been very supportive throughout this new area in my life. I asked for clarification and she explained that she was worried bout having to defend me if someone were to try to lift the kilt and see what is under it.... etc. Chris

This may sound offtrack, but the vibes I get from what transpired and her subsequent request, is that there's a deeper irritation causing her discontent. I'm guessing that someone close to her might have made a comment that struck a chord with her and this is her way of handling the situation. Test this theory by asking her where and how often she thinks it would be appropriate. If she's been sensitized to the "kilt thing" by someone close, some delicacy could be exercised to finesse the truth.
If, on the other hand, this is just her way of applying a bit of control, You could always suggest that you're tired of her and the "pants thing".

blu

[Mychael Sporrano]

You could always suggest that you're tired of her and the "pants thing".

What a hoot! Seriously though, I think that Blu is onto something here concerning what is really at the heart of her reluctance to deign you free will where the kilting decisions are involved.

As has been mentioned, my wife is VERY supportive. She is particularly individualistic and definitely a free thinker. That said... how others view me can also affect her to an extent. She doesn't give a darn about what her family says, but a friend's comment can have sway. For example, this AM she spoke with a girlfriend from work who made a point of mentioning how nice I looked on Friday when I arrived at the work place to fetch my wife. I had been shopping for shoes and was wearing the KA day look I was trying to complete. My wife was glowing with the praise and is now excited about getting me into another traditional tartan kilt (!). She adores the more casual traditional look that I have adopted for when I want to dress up a little. Now, had the friend expressed some negative sentiments, I would not have heard about them, but the next time I was to meet her at work she might have tried some subtle manuevering to get me to dress differently.

Relationships are complicated, and the bottom line is that you cannot make someone like something that they do not like. It would make me sad were my obsession with kilts something my mate tolerated rather than embraced, but there wouldn't be anything I could do about it, and despite how much I like the kilt I am sure that I would wear one far less than I presently do. I don't consider that being less than true to myself. Rather, I consider that a part of the compromise that makes any good relationship run smoothly.

I am curious to know what is at the heart of the trouble with CanisLatrans469's mate.

Mychael

[GMan]

I just recently noticed that it is acceptable for those close to you to accept your kilt wearing in surroundings that are familiar to you and to them, the comfort level thing, so when it is moved to a different location the unfamiliarity comes into play and they do not want attention drawn to them or you.

When the newness wears off and knowing that people want to ask what they would not ask if you were in pants, an apprehension seems to appear and they become diffensive.

So it may be time for a heart to heart and an assurance to your mate, that you have a relationship that is strictly devoted to each other and that maybe a compromise might be in order.

At least you feel comfortable in your relationship to be able to tell her that you have stopped any forward advances immediately.

I wish that I could be of sounder wisdom but I am not, so Chris I do wish you luck.

[Xcop]

Chris, Relationships are such wonderful things, everchanging. I tend to agree with Blu, that there is something deeper causing the issue. Good luck.

David

[Graham]

Yes, take Dr.Blu's advice, he's always right!

What baffles me is this connection I hear between fear of homosexuals (homophobia) and kilts.

The two issues could not be further apart. When homosexuality and kilts come together in the same sentence I am always quick to dispel that myth and affirm that kilts are the most masculine (even macho) garment on earth.

I was discussing this recently with old friends, many of them lasses all sitting around in jeans. I said 'sorry, I just don't want to go around in jeans looking like all the women and girls'!!

[Blu (Ontario)]

.... What baffles me is this connection I hear between fear of homosexuals (homophobia) and kilts. The two issues could not be further apart....

To simple minded people, homosexuals are limp wristed, lisping, hairdresser types that arrange flowers for a hobby, are immaculate housekeepers, and go to the ballet for entertainment. Also, as everyone knows, homosexuality is a disease and quite contagious! To their slack jawed thought processes all cross dressers are homosexual. And since kilts are obviously garments for women only, therein lies the convoluted connection. To figure this one out I went for several days without bathing or shaving, then sat in front of the TV, (which I moved onto the the front porch along with the couch for the occasion), wearing only grubby boxers and a sweaty muscle shirt, and watched a 24 hour roller derby marathon, while consuming a case of beer and several bags of potato chips. After all that, it was crystal clear!

blu

[zeytoun]

bwaaahahahahaaaa!