We all know that it can sometimes be an edgey experience wearing a kilt out in public where it's not expected. However, our kilted sojourns can be less so, if we are prepared for the occasional bonehead remarks and silly questions that are inevitably encountered. With this in mind, I have decided to compile a short list of some common quips / queries that I've encountered, and possible retorts. You probably have experienced other scenarios or perhaps have alternate responses to what I've listed. I've found that the best retorts are those short, succinct, and decisive enough to throw the person off course. Responding with another question is good too. Given the international nature of this forum, the lot of us should be able to cover most situations one might encounter. Enough at least to compile and post an Xmarks article on the subject. Here's my list...

Q. Are you Scottish?
A. -Just the parts that need to be!
-Actually, I’m Conservative / Liberal / vegetarian / etc.
-Not yet... but I'm taking lessons!

Q. Why are you wearing a kilt? a skirt?
A. -I’m part of the entertainment!
-I wanted to see if you were paying attention.
-Family function. (Whatever that means.)

Q. Where’s your purse?
A. -I left it at the SARS clinic! *cough*
-In my weapons locker.

Q. Are you a true Scot?
A. -Is there any other kind?
-Sorry, I don’t wear “trues”!

Q. Are you regimental?
A. -No, I’m civilian.

Q. Nice Skirt!
A. -The morrons seem to think so!
-Sounds like you’re an authority!
-Nice uhhh..... pants / trousers. (To a woman)

Q. Where are your bagpipes?
A. -Same place as yours.
-Same place as your husbands.

Q. Are you playing pipes today?
A. -No, I’m judging.

Q. Do you play bagpipes?
A. -No, I play guitar / Blackjack etc.
-Sure, but I’m bluddy awful!

Q. So what bet did you lose?
A. -"Who has the sweatiest b@lls!"

Q. Hey, did you lose a bet?
A. -I won! The loser's wearing pants.

Q. Where's your pants?
A. -Where's your self control?
-In the trash like your manners!

So what little gems can you add to the list??

Have fun!
blu