Its seems my confidence is broken...Help?

[Celt_GravityRebel]

I recently found myself in situations that took an emotional toll on my heart. Such as realizing i cant move on from a girl who broke up with me last august and also that anytime i try to stand up for what i believe in or for my friends, everyone makes it clear to me that i need to shut up because nobody cares (what they really say is a lot meaner, since they're all 14-15 years old). Not only did it hurt, but also disintegrated my confidence. Because of this, i now find myself uncomfortable in one of my favorite articles of clothing, the kilt. Can someone please tell me how i can get enough confidence back to at least wear the kilt without feeling.........vulnerable?

[madmacs]

Take up a martial art... i'd recommend judo, but that's just because it more defensive... I think stl has some places that do kendo or an equivalent of it if you fancy sword fighting...

[3fingerslinger]

When I was 15 and felt alienated I cut my hair into a mohawk and stood it up with egg whites and jell-o.....then I started my first punk band, I think you need to find a way to let out some aggression without doing any damage to yourself or others......also, don't talk to this girl anymore, it will only make you feel worse if you see her......and your friends sound like a-holes and definitely aren't your friends if they just tell you to shut up.
Hope this helps a little, and never forget that alot of people have gone through your situation and come through it, and remember, women love a kilt......

[chrisupyonder]

Confidence comes with knowledge. Learn as much as you can about the kilt, its history and more importantly what it means to you. And have fun.

Chris.

[xman]

Get yourself a proper traditional kilt if you don't already have one and walk around downtown. Then watch how the ladies look at you. That should build your confidence up pretty quickly.

Also, as a general rule the cool kids in high school grow up to be losers in adult life and the unpopular kids become the attractive and interesting adults. You're on your way, lad.

[Dale Seago]

Take up a martial art... i'd recommend judo, but that's just because it more defensive... I think stl has some places that do kendo or an equivalent of it if you fancy sword fighting...

I agree. Few things help you realize at a visceral level that you really do want to move on and keep going like having someone sincerely trying to punch your lights out, split your skull with a sword, etc., and having your body not only deal with it but feel exhilarated afterward. There is a lot the body can teach the mind and emotions. . .

[Nick the DSM]

As a senior in high school now, I can definetly tell you self confidence comes from how you make yourself. I joined this forum about the same age as you years ago and it took me awhile to build great self confidence. My dad always picked on me while my friends and family thought it was awesome. You'll have it when you can stand up for yourself and take pride in who YOU are. It helped that I was some punk teenager that rebelled at what some people thought of me, I still do.

Maturity is when you take all the experiences and what you learn from them, and how that makes you a better person, and not so much as how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I recently went through a break up myself (5 monthes ago), every one knows the pain and it only means that you're human. The kilt is a great way to make new friends, doesn't have to be a new love.

[EagleJCS]

I think I understand where you're coming from. I've had a couple of relationships that took some time - a couple of years in one case - to get past the emotional pain. (Note I didn't say over, just past.) It will take time, but it will happen. Find something else to focus your attention on. (Not necessarily someone else - that can become a problem as well.) Just be yourself for a while, and learn to be comfortable with yourself. If you find yourself thinking about the other person, feel your feelings and then let them go. Don't dwell on it.

As to standing up for what you believe in, that's a noble and proper idea, but you will learn there is a time and place for being argumentative and/or defensive - i.e., choose your battles carefully. I think that's something your naysayers are trying to tell you, in a less-than-polite way. Young men your age tend to see things in black and white. (I volunteer with a Boy Scout troop, and just about every one of them reaches this stage at some point. Some grow out of it before they leave the troop, and some don't.) Eventually you will find that the world is filled with shades of gray, and there are few absolutes.

Again, just be yourself and learn to be comfortable with yourself.

I agree that taking up a martial art - or finding another means of releasing some of that aggressive energy - would be advisable. I studied aikido and our dojo-cho (head instructor) would recommend young men take up judo first to learn how to fall safely. You're also in a growing phase, learning how to control your developing body. Some of the techniques in aikido can be very dangerous to people that do not have the physical control necessary to keep themselves (and their training partners) safe.

Hang in there! Things will get better!

[The Thirsty Viking]

When I was your age, I felt a lot of the same as you are now. I happened to take a bad route at first, starting fights, smoking, drinking, and doing a lot of damage to myself, and others. I was headed down a really bad path, and it took my grandpa (the one man I respect and fear above all others) and one of his "come to Jesus" sit downs to set me straight.

The trick find some kind of outlet that is both Zen, and an outlet. For me it was building fast cars, powerlifting, and playing hockey. For you it might be different. Just make sure that whatever it happens to be is constructive, and centers you. "Cool" is what you deem it to be, and nobody else can make that decision for you. I still am unpopular with a lot of people because of beliefs I hold, or because of how I look, or whatever, but when you find those things that you like, and are yours, nobody can take that from you.

[mookien]

Celt_GravityRebel: My advice is to take something that you love and/or do well and try hard to focus on it as much as possible. If you can, try to find something that involves helping another person or other person(s). It's no magic cure for a broken heart, but in time it can make it more bearable.

Ignore your "stupid" friends. They're not really stupid, of course, just unthinking and non-caring. They'll come round, and if not, they're not really your friends.

Good luck. Hang in there, and don't hesitate to talk about how you're feeling to someone you trust.

mookien