The Order of the Dandelion: A Quest for the Truth! (Or Victorian Hyperbole...)

[KD Burke]

My beloved Abigail (lovely dog that she is) a hostage? Intolerable! I could not risk any harm coming to her. “What have you done with her!” I asked.

“Nothing. And unlikely to if you cooperate.”

“Do what you will with me!” I was bold in my wrath. “But let Abby go!”

Them man smiled, dabbed again at his runny nose, and said “Come along then.”

As we stepped outside beige mini-van pulled up to the curb. My new associate opened the sliding door and gestured me into the back. As I settled myself into the seat furthest from the door, he reached into a pocket and withdrew a blindfold. He didn’t have to ask me to don it. Afterward, my seatbelt was fastened and my hands cuffed in front of me. I heard the driver sneeze just ahead of me.

We drove for some time. I tried to keep track of the turns, but was unable to ascertain precisely how far left counted as a “left” etc. At last we pulled to a stop. The door opened and my seatbelt loosed. I was handed out onto a paved area, and led on foot about 40 steps. I could tell that we entered a building by the change in ambient noise and the sudden decrease in humidity.

My blindfold was removed once we entered an elevator. When the doors dinged open I saw….an ordinary office. Row upon endless (or at least moderate lengthy) row of Steelcase desks, Aeron chairs, and shoulder high cubicle walls. A small army of men in polo shirts or button-downs with khaki trousers worked at computers. Occasionally a man would rise, walk to a fax machine, feed it some papers, then return to his desk.

I was led past the rows of cubicles, to a conference room about 20 feet by twelve. I was instructed to sit, and left alone inside, though I had no doubt that the door was guarded. I looked around me. The room was pleasantly bland with a rectangular table, eight chairs, a triangular conference telephone, and a video projector. A banal seascape with few lines and fewer colors failed to make the tan wall more interesting.

Some time passed before the door opened again. A tall, slender man, in a grey suit sneezed as he entered. He wiped his nose with a tissue and gave me a sheepish smile. “I’d offer to shank hands but….”

“I understand entirely.” I replied.

“So, what do you think of the place?” he asked, genuine interest on his rather plain features.

“Perhaps I could form a better opinion, were I to know the nature of this….establishment.”

Puzzled, he glanced at a folder in his left hand. “That’s right, you haven’t been told! Welcome to the international headquarters of the Ragweed Brotherhood!"

[Ancienne Alliance]

Puzzled, he glanced at a folder in his left hand. “That’s right, you haven’t been told! Welcome to the international headquarters of the Ragweed Brotherhood!"

Great story ! Bravo !

Can't wait to read the rest .


Best,

Robert

[KD Burke]

“The RAGWEED BROTHERHOOD?” I sputtered. “Wha…?”

“I know!” he replied. “I’ve come to regret choosing that name. It has…unpleasant connotations.” He dabbed again at his nose. “And the plants are a nuisance! But it seemed wise at the time. We wanted a clear distinction between us and those Dandelion misfits!”

“I’m the First Brother. The founder of the Brotherhood.” He continued. “Our purpose is to uphold normalcy and enforce conformity. To conserve the mainstream! We believe that by emphasizing our similarities, minimizing our differences, we can bring peace to the world!” At these words his eyes took on the glint of the zealot.

“We brought you here because we fear for you. We got interested when you ordered that kilt from Scotland. Normal people don’t do that. Not without a compelling reason. Then you started posting on that absurd website; a hundred-odd posts now. We became truly concerned when you began wearing the kilt. In public. For no reason at all!”

He appeared to catch himself, as if afraid he’d begin (begin??) to rant. "We felt it an intervention was necessary. I’ve prepared a brief PowerPoint presentation…..”

I groaned inwardly as he switched on the projector and attached a laptop computer. For the next hour he droned on about “normality and conformity.” He railed against tattoos, science fiction, fantasy literature, comic books and others; but he reserved special venom for kilts. At his conclusion he looked at me intently. A large golden question mark on a blue field was the last image in his presentation.

“Now the question!” he intoned. “Are you prepared to renounce this kilt foolishness and return to the norms of proper society?”

“Ummm….sorry. No.” I replied. “You see they’re just so comfortable that…”

“We’ve lost this one.” He interrupted. “He knows to much. Dispose of him!” He turned to leave the room, then paused. “And the dog too!”

Burly sneezing men bundled me back through the office and into the elevator. One held the doors open as another man led my beloved Abigail (lovely dog that she is!) in with us. Abby wagged her whole body with delight at seeing me and jumped up to place her forefeet on my belt to accept my enthusiastic scratches, hampered though they were by the handcuffs. The elevator started down.

We were bundled into the van. The blindfold was omitted this trip. I suppose they were unconcerned with my learning the headquarters whereabouts if I was shortly to be “disposed of.”

It was late in the day. The sun was low in the western sky. We drove south of the city for some distance, turning onto a dirt road that led to a boggy area. I supposed we were somewhere near the Tolomato river. There were no trees about, but the man-high saw palmetto effectively blocked view from the road. We were extracted from the van.

A breeze from the west blew. We were silent. Abby sniffed at the ground in interest at the novel smells. One of the men spoke. “This will do. The alligators will take care of the big pieces, the crabs will handle the rest.”

Suddenly, I heard a droning noise from above. Appearing out of the sun, startlingly near, was a bright blue dirigible with a broad St. Andrew’s cross rendered in glistening white! My guards swore and ran back toward the van.

Hatches on the gondola opened and ropes tumbled out. A moment later kilted commandos were rappelling toward the earth. I fell on my face. For my sanity’s sake I would NOT look UP!

A score of kilted warriors quickly immobilized the van and took the guards into custody. A giant of a man wielding a five-foot claidheamh mòr as if it were a kitchen knife stomped up to me. “You the one all the fuss is over?” he asked, greeting Abigail with a quick ear scratch. “You don’t look like much. Oh well, best come along then.”

The majestic airship ghosted to the ground, strong hands grasped the mooring lines. A boarding ladder was lowered and Abby and I were hustled aboard.

A man dressed in an impeccable kilt, tweed jacket and waistcoat, and topped by a pith helmet addressed me. "Welcome aboard the XMTSAS Saltire!"

[ccga3359]

I'm starting to think that "KD Burke" is just a nom-de-plume for Panache. As we know Panache's "books" are banned on XMTS because of all the negetive remarks concerning the hero Grant. And despite desperate pleadings from the general membership it reluctantly did stop writing and printing of his latest claptrap to destroy my good reputation. And now this "KD Burke" person has suddenly picked up the quill laid on blank page. You watch it soon he'll the word Grant using the words Grant and Idiot in the same sentence!

[KD Burke]

I'm starting to think that "KD Burke" is just a nom-de-plume for Panache. As we know Panache's "books" are banned on XMTS because of all the negetive remarks concerning the hero Grant.

I assure you of my bona fides, sir! I will never speak ill of any sea-faring man, and a Coast Guardsman least of all! (Excepting, of course, my own beloved US Navy!)

[ccga3359]

I assure you of my bona fides, sir! I will never speak ill of any sea-faring man, and a Coast Guardsman least of all! (Excepting, of course, my own beloved US Navy!)

Ohhh, I like this new Panache.

[Heming]

You watch it soon he'll the word Grant using the words Grant and Idiot in the same sentence!

You watch it yourself, or I'll soon the want and heel my words right up your Idiot!

Do keep going though, this is the most enjoyable thread for weeks!



:ootd:

[KD Burke]

Do keep going though, this is the most enjoyable thread for weeks!

So why is it rated only one single, solitary, forlorn, woebegotten and so desperately lonely little star?

Go on! I DARE you to rate it higher!

[ccga3359]

So why is it rated only one single, solitary, forlorn, woebegotten and so desperately lonely little star?

Go on! I DARE you to rate it higher!

Concerned only for his image are we sure that this is not Panache in quise?

[Heming]

So why is it rated only one single, solitary, forlorn, woebegotten and so desperately lonely little star?

Go on! I DARE you to rate it higher!

I've never rated a thread in my life. These stars are one of life's great mysteries, probably connected to pyramids and deep-fried ice cream.