Etiquette Help

**SteveB** · 13th January 10, 09:44 PM

My niece is getting married in May, and she has decided that trousers on men will not be permitted. The event is to be kilts only. No need to ask about that one.

Slainte

**Highlander31** · 13th January 10, 11:50 PM

I always ask the bride.

**Jock Scot** · 14th January 10, 03:42 AM

If the wedding was to be held in the Highlands, I would not ask, nor would I expect to wear anything other than appropriate Highland attire. Anywhere else in the world, I would not wear the kilt to a wedding unless I AM ASKED TO BY THE BRIDE(I am often asked to and I am delighted to oblige), I would not dream of asking under any circumstances.

Here I am at a wedding in Normandy, France. I was wearing the kilt at the request of the beautiful bride. I was the only one dessed in the kilt out of many hundreds of guests and my family and I had a great time.

**Bigkahuna** · 14th January 10, 04:03 AM

This is the Bride's day and I would not want to do anything to take attention away from her. Unless I was asked, I would not wear my kilt.

**RockyR** · 14th January 10, 06:53 AM

Originally Posted by Zardoz

I have never felt the need to ask the bride, (who has enough to worry about) or her parents, (who are technically the 'hosts') anyone else's permission to dress in my usual manner.

Small aside... the Bride's parents are the hosts if they are paying for the wedding. If the bride and groom are paying for it themselves (which is pretty often these days), the parents aren't really the 'hosts'.

**Lyle1** · 14th January 10, 08:05 AM

Some good advice has been offered. I think your decision would need to be made occasion by occasion, and you need to consider your own priorities as well as those of the bride and groom. I, personally, would wear pants if that would make everybody more comfortable, but I would have issues with the bride who said that all guests must wear kilts. Hosts have a responsibility to respect the guests as much as the guests have a responsibility to respect the hosts.

**Arnot** · 14th January 10, 08:30 AM

I think that some folks worry too much about this. I have been to three weddings and one funeral fairly recently. I did not steal the show from any of them. Personally, I think one would have to make a real spectacle of himself for that to happen. If that were the case, one's attire would not matter.

**Tobus** · 14th January 10, 09:22 AM

Originally Posted by Arnot

I think that some folks worry too much about this. I have been to three weddings and one funeral fairly recently. I did not steal the show from any of them. Personally, I think one would have to make a real spectacle of himself for that to happen. If that were the case, one's attire would not matter.

It depends on the crowd. If people in your area are used to seeing kilts at weddings, it may not steal the show. But at the very few weddings I've been to in rural Texas where I live, a kilt would not only steal the show. It would be the talk of the town.

So I'd say there's no possible way to have a general rule on any event. It will depend on the host(s), the guests, the location, the conventions for that particular ceremony, etc. A kilt a Jewish wedding might go over much differently, for example, than a kilt at a Catholic wedding. Even if they're held at the same location on consecutive nights.

**Arnot** · 14th January 10, 10:00 AM

Point taken, Tobus. Perhaps it's because if I am invited to an event people know me well enough and are not surprised that I am wearing a kilt. Therefore, no stolen show.

You might be surprised how people in your area might react. Or not react. My wife was sure that I would run into trouble going around the nearby town here in Lancashire, England. There has been no trouble to date and I have been here six months.

As for a general rule, my method has worked for me. Others may require their own.

**longhuntr74** · 14th January 10, 11:14 AM

Originally Posted by Zardoz

I have never felt the need to ask...anyone else's permission to dress in my usual manner. Do you think the wildly inapproprately dressed folks who always seem to show up at weddings asked if it was OK to wear their tube-tops, shorts and crocs?

Hysterical! Thanks for the laugh. Not quite as bad, but something we still joke about in my family was one of my friends' suits that he wore to our wedding. It was shiny silver...very 80s or early 90s....at least 5 years out of style at the time of our wedding. We still talk about "shiny suit guy!"

To the post originator....just be prepared to be known as skirt guy (or kilt guy for those more in the know) by the other guests.